Friday humour - September 24, 2010
Thank You all for the contributions this week, hopefully it has filled out
this edition somewhat. One of the problems is there are a great deal of
previously used jokes and pictures sent in sometimes, which are filtered
on the server - but there are always new members coming along who may not
have seen them previously, so we do allow the odd repeat here and there
because some stuff becomes a classic - so please bear with us when this
happens.
Anyway enough of my ramblings - on with the humour
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From: Allnutts
It all makes sense now
Finally - - An answer I can Understand.
An American tourist asks an Irishman:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall Backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies:
"If they fell forwards they'd still be in the f*ckin' boat."
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From: Anonymous
Norwegian Military Band and Rifle Man Performance
This performance is long but worth watching! Fascinating what diligence &
practice can accomplish - Perfection!
Pretty amazing. Full screen button is at the bottom right of the volume
control, all the way to the right.
THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF PRECISION!!
. . . .those are US made Garand M-1 rifles (WWII), and heavy weapons (9
POUNDS EACH) and when that one young fellow goes on his own - YOU'VE NEVER
SEEN A RIFLE
SPUN THAT FAST - note the collective "Ooooooooo !" from the audience.
Click here
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From: KRP
Climbing a 1700-foot tower;
Click here
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From: Stumpy Steve
Apparently Gary Glitter is currently on his way to Chile
The thought of 33 trapped and helpless minors was too tempting for him to
ignore!
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How does the Pope pay for his stuff he gets on eBay? With Papal. Come on
laugh, because God has just had a snigger.
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Three Rules for ageing men: 1. Never pass a toilet. 2. Don't waste an
erection. 3. Never, ever trust a fart.
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From: Whizzbang
Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's
your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics,
space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious...
So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,
"What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100.."
The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere
tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it
one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says,
"So, are you people still happy you voted for Tony Abbott
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A teacher goes round her class asking each of the kids what they need at
home.
1st kid: A computer. Teacher replies "That'd be very useful".
2nd child says a car & gets a similar answer.
Finally she asks Johnny who answers "At my house we dont need anything."
The teacher asks him to think carefully as everyone needs something.
Johnny replies, "No I'm sure. When my sister started going out with an
Abbo I remember my dad sayin.....................
"Well that's all we f*cking need!"
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British Humour
Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by
mistake. Both are in intensive care...
One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.
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During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling
tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City Council said 'We didn't even know they
were living up there'.
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Asian Minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough
television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5
times a week now.
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I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I
mean, a ginger haired kid, with two friends?
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I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him
in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf who had his pocket
picked.
How could anyone stoop so low?
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A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her
nervousness and the broccoli casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice,
she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father
looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair,
and said in a rather stern voice, 'Skippy!'.
The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and
longerrrrrrip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, 'Skippy!'
Once again the woman smiled and thought 'Yes!' A few minutes later the
woman had to let another rip.
This time she didn't even think about it.
She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
'Skippy, get away from her, before she sh*ts on you!'
================================================
From: Anonymous
T~Shirt Pictures
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here
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From: Anonymous
QUOTE OF THE DAY!!
Click here
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From: Duke of Barsinov
Very First Senior Moment
Click here
How Dinosaurs became extinct.
(The very first "senior moment")
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From: Kaos_reflex
AIRCRAFT CRASHES INTO 4 BUILDINGS
Click here
Brace yourself before looking at the attached image.
A pilot at low level has no control over his aircraft.
It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four
buildings. One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those
buildings.
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From: Mitta
WARNING, WARNING
Bear Sign
Only in Canada would you see a sign like this!
Read the whole sign.....
it's located in Banff National Park , Canada .
Click here
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From: Sack
Predictable
Click here
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Click here
Happened in July 2010
Some people are basically stupid
This was taken last week on Old Northern Road, Albany Creek (suburb of
Brisbane). It has about 2 tonnes of concrete blend and 200kg bags of
cement in the back. A very expensive exercise as a Department of
Transport vehicle also arrived, to probably offload a hefty fine.
The hardware store that supplied the goods will also be held responsible.
It just goes to show there are idiots everywhere.
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Crazy Car Parade
Click here
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A Real Gymnast......
Click here
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Blonde high jump
Click here
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9/11 Pictures Never Seen Before
Click here
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From: Stumpy Steve
WHY CAN'T I GET A JOB?
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Isn't it amazing how far you can stretch a benefit cheque at the local
tattoo parlour.
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From: Whizzbang
First Date XXXX
Click here
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Shotgun Demonstration by Tim Bradley
Click here
This guy was a bounty hunter in the southern United States until someone
saw
Him showing off to his buddies...one of his buddies videotaped him throwing
A golf ball in the air, then keeping it in the air with a .22 pistol until
The clip was empty! They sent the tape to Bennelli (Berrettas parent
company) He now has his own TV show, and tours with Tom Knapp exhibition
shooting.
His first contract 5 years ago was of an undisclosed amount...
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Cody WY- Big Horn Sheep stroll Buffalo Bill Dam
Click here Click here Click here
For those who aren't familiar with the view - it's the downstream face of
the dam and those dots are bighorns WALKING ACROSS IT. They're licking
the surface - salt, maybe?
The Buffalo Bill Dam on the Shoshoni River at Cody , Wyoming ....
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From: Whizzbang
Engrish
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here
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Anger Management
Click here
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Master tradesmen at work
Click here
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** Loch Ness Monster Photos **
Click here
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How to shut a man up after taking his remote...
Click here
yep that'll work !!!!!!!
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Why are raincoats yellow?
Click here
Any More Questions?
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Computer Question:
Now here is a challenge!
For all of you who keep thinking you are computer experts...
Try this!
So, you think you're so smart.
Let's see how computer literate you are .......
WHAT WOULD CAUSE THIS TO
APPEAR ON YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN?
123490=qweriop[ asdhjkl (zxcvnm
GIVE UP? SEE THE ANSWER BELOW!
Click here
YEP. THAT WOULD DO IT !!
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What Harm Could It Do?
Click here
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Terribly Clever !!!!!
Click here
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request for bereavement leave
Click here
Dear all,
My mother-in-law ended her life yesterday, in a tragic air accident.
I need to take a few days off.
(see coroner's pic)
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Spelling May Be Important
Click here
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Happiness is a warped mind
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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Smartest kid in the class
Click here
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From: anonymous
Mondays
Click here
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anonymous
Diary of a dog and cat
Click here Click here
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A Great Story Without A Word
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
Click here Click here
May this renew your faith in the human race.
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