Friday humour - July 30, 2010

Really an amazing sight.....
This is not a "Mud Slide" but a "Land Slide"
You may have all heard about  the recent landslides in  Italy . But up to
now I have never seen one as it was happening. Use the link below and you
will see a whole hillside in an Italian residential neighborhood slowly
slide away taking grown trees with it.....

 Click here

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From: Arfermo
 Pigging it.

A farmer and his farm hand were working on a country lane. The farmer told
his assistant to go back to the farm and bring his tractor. The farm hand
returned about an hour later, and the farmer asked what had taken so long.
The farm hand replied, " I hit and injured a pig, what should I do? " The
farmer replied, " you need to go back and do the right thing, put it out
of it's misery by using a shovel and whacking it on the head, when you've
finished, bury it by the lane. "

The farm hand disappeared for a couple of hours, and on his return, the
farmer asked " Did you bury it? " They farm hand replied, " Yes, but what
do
I do with his speed camera? "

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From: Biggus
One day the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a
$500 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much
better than I am, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas.'" The
golf pro didn't know what a "gotcha" was, but he went along with it. And
off they went.

Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to
see the golf pro paying the duffer $500. "What happened?" asked one of the
members.

"Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought
the club down, the jerk stuck his hand up between my legs and grabbed my
crotch while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of
golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"

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From: Burnout
 Classical Music in the Key of Comedy
 Click here

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 From: Kaos_reflex
Online business
Guess what!!!

I've just started an online company specialising in DIY bomb making kits,
which are disguised as prayer mats...
Prophets are going thru the roof!!!

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From: Kaos_reflex
 Doctors vs Gun Owners

Doctors

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services.


Now think about this:

Guns

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000 (Yes, that's 80
million) (B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups,
is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188

Statistics courtesy of FBI


So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous
than gun owners.
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as
by a gun owner!!!
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors
before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
Out of concern for the public at large, we withheld the statistics on
lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical
attention!!

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From: Sack

I called the local newspaper's classified section to complain about an ad
I'd placed.

It was obvious the person who took my information had never spent any time
on a farm.

"I said 'ewes,'" I argued.

"Pardon?" replied the operator.

"Ewes. It makes a difference to some people."

The ad that was placed read: "Sheep for sale - USED."


THE OLDER CROWD
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true,' she
wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for
the rest of my life?' 'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the lady replied, 'I 'm wondering
then,
just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'No
Repeats'.'

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he
insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he
was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, Dad,
what is it?

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go
well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live
with you and your wife....'

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 From: Sack
 Medical emargency

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a
heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.


The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up
his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green
and stares at him.

"I'm dying here and you're putting?" "Don't worry dear," says the husband
calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help
you.

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.


"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him
play through."

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 From: Stumpy Steve

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish.
"I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."
"Fine," I said,
"I want to die when England win the world cup."
"You crafty bastard!" said the fairy.

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 From: Stumpy Steve
Alzheimer's Test


How fast can you guess these words?

  1. BOO_S
  2. _ _NDOM
  3. F_ _K
  4. P_N_S
  5. PU_S_
  6. S_X


  -
  -
  -
  -
   -
   -

   -
   -
Answers:
  1. BOOKS
  2. RANDOM
  3. FORK
  4. PANTS
  5. PULSE
  6. SIX

   You got all 6 wrong....didn' t you?

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From: Whizzbang
 Aboriginal wedding night

A young aboriginal girl was getting married and her mother said "I'd better
have a talk with you before you get married".
"Yeah mum, what do you want to talk about?" the young aboriginal girl asks.

"Well, on the night you get married, your husband is gonna want to put his
most prized possession where you pee" the mother says
The daughter replies

"Why the f**k would he want to put his thongs in the sink?" ..........


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 From: Allnutts
 Highest Glass Floor in the World

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Not content with having the tallest building in America , the owners of
Willis Tower (previously Sears Tower) in Chicago have installed four glass
box viewing platforms which stick out of the building 103 floors up.

The balconies are suspended 1,353 feet in the air and jut out four feet
from the building's Skydeck.

Visitors get their first view from The Ledge -- four glass balconies
suspended from the Tower.
Designers say the platforms - collectively dubbed The Ledge - have been
purposely created to make visitors feel as they are floating above the
city.
The reward is unobstructed views of Chicago from the building's west side
and a heart-stopping vista of the street and Chicago River below - for
those brave enough to look straight down. It's like walking on ice.
John Huston, one of the owners of the Willis Tower, even admitted to
getting
'a little queasy' when he ventured out on to the balcony.  However, after
30 or 40 trips, he seems to have gotten used to it.
Long way up: Even the floor of the platforms are glass - few are brave
enough to look straight down. Although some adults felt dizzy after
experiencing The Ledge, children seemed to take it in their stride.
Fearless: Five-year-old Anna Kane spreads out on the floor of the 10ft
square box which is 1,353 ft up.
Thrill seekers: The boxes jut out four feet from the building and were
specifically designed to attract visitors. The Willis Tower has always
been about superlatives - tallest, largest, most iconic.
The Ledge is the world's most awesome view, the world's most precipitous
view, the view with the most wow in the world. The balconies are 10ft high
and 10ft wide, can hold five tons, and have glass which is 1.5 inch thick.
Inspiration came from the hundreds of forehead prints visitors left behind
on The Skydeck windows every week. Now, staff have a new glass surface to
clean: floors!
Architect Ross Wimer said: 'We did studies that showed a 4' X 4' deep
enclosure makes you feel like you're detached from the building
particularly since there's only room for one row of people.'
The Ledge is accessible from The Skydeck which attracts 25,000 visitors on
clear days. They each pay $15 to take an elevator ride up to the 103rd
floor of the 110-story office building that opened in 1973.
After seeing this I think I will have a glass of wine and sit in my st*rdy
favourite chair.


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From: Allnutts

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here


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From: Anonymous
 Doormats With A Difference
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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 From: Anonymous
 Motor Home........wow
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

Ford  House - Car
One of only six said to have been made per year in the mid-30's at the Ford
plant in St.Paul, Minnesota, according to an article on this car in a 1993
"Old Cars" magazine article.
Very few others--perhaps none--remain on the road, and certainly not in
such amazing original condition. The only other known example is
supposedly housed in the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan. But that
turned out to be an early 1920s Model T conversion, the curator said he'd
never seen anything like this '37!
When discovered in a garage (under a heavy cover) in Northern Minnesota in
August 2001, it had only 19,000 miles, and the owner's manual was actually
still in the glove box in like-new condition!
It had always been garaged and Treated with TLC as a collector vehicle.
The interior, all wood-lined, was still the way it appeared in the '30s and
'40s, complete with framed photos of the original owner on his travels
(mainly to Florida), his cabin in the North Woods, and other memorabilia
from the era.
Built on the '37 Ford Pickup frame and cowling (powered by a 60-hp flathead
V8 with aluminum heads), the rear framing is all wood, with the metal skin
wrapped around it. The roof structure too is all wood, over which the
heavy,
waterproofed canvas top is still very securely fitted. The structure of the
body is solid, appearing from underneath to be all oak, and still in a
remarkably unaltered, undamaged condition.  The door frames are thick,
solid oak, and oak is visible around the window openings (as on the four
side windows in back) -- though it is painted over.

It was a big hit at this campground once we got that great old flattie V8
hummin'! Note her expanding roof and the original dark green color, which
had been repainted. The canvas roof was originally painted in reflective
silver to keep it from getting too hot inside. All four side windows open,
while the back one tilts out to three positions. The windshield also tilts
open at the bottom for natural AC while driving.
Here are a few shots of it in August 2001, out on the road in the Chippewa
National Forest north of Grand Rapids, MN, practicing for her next
adventure: "Destination Wavecrest 2001."

A peak inside:
A slice right out of '30s, just as the original owner left it. All the
windows open, with curtains on the four side ones and pull-down shades on
the back window, as well as on the driver's and passenger door windows.
wide storage a cabinet is located under the bed.

The wood headliner, with vent and canvas expanding portion visible. Four
wood pieces hold it securely in the up position, while clamps hold it down
while driving.

More interior views:  Note the cedar branches hanging in the corners for
that north woods aroma. Cabinets and aluminum sink (with a wood cover
insert) are visible on the left. All the antiques stuck away inside, as
well as those hanging on the walls, came along for the ride. Also note the
table behind the driver's seat, which folds down.

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From: Arfermo

 Sorry but I may not be able to reply my emails for some while
..........................
A friend is painting the ceilings in my house.
I was asked to hold the ladder.
You know me.
I'm always there to help.
Also, do you really think five coats is enough?

 Click here

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From: Burnout
 Security Camera in Parking Lot

 Click here

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From: Burnout
 A bit to the Left.......

 Click here

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From: Burnout

 Click here

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 From: Burnout
 Why Our School Wasn't Asked To Perform at the Grand Final

 Click here

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 From: Cartographer Chris
(Careful) Keeley Hazell

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Keeley Hazell -The Most Beautiful Breasts in The World
They were even cast in bronze.

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From: Cartographer Chris

BLOODY HELL!
Stuck in a lift

If you get stuck in a lift, what is your first move???
1. You  start to scream and shout hysterically.
2. You cry like a baby.
3. You get claustrophobic.
4. You call the fire brigade for help.
5. You call the caretaker for help.
6. Call for the lift mechanic to help.

WRONG  !!!
All the above is completely wrong.
 Click here XXX


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From: Cartographer Chris
 Mother In Law
 Click here

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 From: Cartographer Chris
4 commercials

 Click here

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 From: Digi Maria
TATTOOS ARE FOREVER

 Click here

This man had what he thought was the best tattoo in the world...
...until he went to prison.

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 From: Digi Maria
 9 Seater with Bucket seat and hammock

 Click here

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From: Muse
 Our boy is back

 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
This is beautiful.........

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Sculptures of Native American scenes made out of paper by Allen and Patty
Eckman.
These stunningly detailed sculptures may only be made from paper - but they
are being snapped up by art fans for tens of thousands of pounds. The
intricate creations depict
Native American scenes and took up to 11 months to make using a specially
formulated paper.


Husband and wife team Allen and Patty Eckman put paper pulp into clay
moulds and pressurise it to remove the water.
The hard, lightweight pieces are then removed and the couple painstakingly
add detailed finishings with a wide range of tools.
They have been making the creations since 1987 at their home studio, in
South Dakota, America,
and have racked up a whopping 3 million selling the works of art.


The pieces depict traditional scenes from Native American history of
Cherokees hunting and dancing.
The most expensive piece is called Prairie Edge Powwow which sold for
47,000.
Allen said: "We create Indians partly because my great, great grandmother
was a
Cherokee and my family on both sides admire the native Americans.
I work on the men and animals and Patty does the women and children"
explains Allen.
"I enjoy most doing the detail. The paper really lends itself to unlimited
detail. I'm really interested in the Indians' material, physical and
spiritual culture and that whole period of our nation's history
I find fascinating. From the western expansion, through the Civil War and
beyond is of great interest to me."


Allen explained their technique: "It should not be confused with papier
mache.
The two mediums are completely different. I call what we do 'cast paper
sculpture".
"Some of them we create are lifesize and some we scale down to 1/6
lifesize"
"These sculptures are posed as standing nude figures and limited detailed
animals with no ears, tails or hair"
"We transform them by sculpting on top of them - creating detail with soft
and hard paper we make in various thicknesses and textures.
An Indian mother holding her baby is a favourite of many clients
"We have really enjoyed the development of our fine art techniques over the
years and have created a process that is worth sharing. There are many
artists and sculptors who we believe will enjoy this medium as much as we
have."

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 From: Sack
Are you getting the maximum usage out of your vehicle
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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 From: Sack
 The Tree in its Glory

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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Lovely as a Tree

I THINK that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.


TREES by: Joyce Kilmer  (1886-1918)

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From: Sack
Signs for a modern woman
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Sack
Yosemite's Fire Waterfall
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

A rare sight!! Yosemite National Park, California, USA
This park was gazetted as a national park in 1890. It is world famous for
its rugged terrain, waterfall and century-old pine trees. It covers 1200
sq km and the "fire" waterfall of El Capitan is one of the most
spectacular of all scenery.
The spectacular view of the waterfall is created by the reflection of
sunlight hitting the falling water at a specific angle. This rare sight
can only be seen at  a 2-week period towards the end of Feburary. To
photograph this rare event, photographers would often have to wait and
endure years of patience in order to capture them. The reason is because
its appearance depend on a few natural phenomenons occuring at the same
time and luck.
1st, Is the formation of the waterfall - The water is formed by the melting
of snow and ice at the top of the mountain. It melts between the month of
December and January and by the end of February there might not have much
snow left to melt.
2nd, is the specific angle of the sunray hitting the falling water - The
sun's position must be exactly at a particular spot in the sky. This
occurs only in the month of February and at the short hours of dusk. If it
is a day full of clouds or something blocking the sun, you can only take
pictures of your own sorry faces on the waterfall. It coincides with the
fact that the weather in the National Park at that time of the year is
often volatile and unpredictable. It compounds the difficulty of getting
these pictures.
Someone did !!! and we all get to see it !!!

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From: Sack
 Angus TV Commercial

 Click here

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 From: Sack
Too Good Not To Share

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here


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 From: Sack
Amazing Pictures

 Click here

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 From: Whizzbang
 Worst names ever

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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 From: Whizzbang
 Things you don't see everyday

 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Undress the Super Model (AWESOME) XXX
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
 Dakar 2010 - great pictures !!!

 Click here

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 From: Whizzbang
 Hyundai new advert

 Click here

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 From: Whizzbang
They Will Let Any One Into An Air Show

 Click here

They Will Let Any One Into An Air Show
Watch the rudder movements
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 demotivationals
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Cyanide and Happiness
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 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
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AUSTRALIA'S GREATEST WORLD CUP MOMENTS!

 Click here

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CLEARANCE SALE!

 Click here

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[ End friday humour ]

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