Friday humour - July 16, 2010



[ from Davo @ Bluehaze ]


G'day

and ... First up some racist stuff from Allnutts (poor punctuation grammar
and all ...)


                                New Immigration Laws...
HERE HERE !!!

this it how it "should" be here in Oz... when is the referendum?? and where
can we vote??

New Immigration Laws:

1 There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

2. All ballots will be in this nation's language.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

3. All government business will be conducted in our language.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

4. Non-residents will NOT have the right to vote no matter how long they
are here.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

5. Non-citizens will NEVER be able to hold political office

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

6 Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food
stamps, no health care, or other government assistance programs. Any
burden will be deported.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

7. Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount at least
equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

8. If foreigners come here and buy land... Options will be restricted.
Certain parcels including waterfront property are reserved for citizens
naturally born into this country.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

9.. Foreigners may have no protests; no demonstrations, no waving of a
foreign flag, no political organizing, no bad-mouthing our prime minister
or his policies. These will lead to deportation.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

10. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be actively hunted
&,
when caught, sent to jail until your deportation can be arranged. All
assets will be taken from you.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Too strict?......

The above rules are the current immigration laws of the Muslim countries...


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                                      Aussie Dream

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to an asylum seeker claimant outside the
Centrelink Offices.

'My good man,' the fairy said. 'I've been told by Kevin Rudd to grant you
three wishes, since you've just arrived in Australia with your wife and
seven children all costs are to be borne by the Australian Tax Payers.'

The man told the fairy:

'Well, in Sri Lanka where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want
new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.'

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and -- PING !!! The
Asylum Seeker had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

'What else?' asked the fairy, 'two more wishes to go'.

The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant now got bolder.

'I need a big house with a three car garage on the Gold Coast with eight
bedrooms and a Gold Visa Card in each room -for my family and the rest of
my refugee relatives who still live in Sri Lanka . I want to bring them
all over here'.

PING! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a
three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, and a
sparkling swimming pool and a BMW, full of his nephews playing their
music.

'One more wish left for you', said the fairy, waving her wand.

The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant really decided to go for broke now and
said "I want to be Australian with Australian clothes instead of the rags
and shawl, and I want to have white skin like the Australians.'

PING ! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out Stubbies shorts, a dirty
Bonds T-shirt and a greasy terry-towel hat. He had his bad teeth back and
the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed. 'Where is my new house? Where's
my Visa Gold Card?'

The fairy said:

'Tough luck. Now that you are Australian, you're entitled to sweet f*** all
like the rest of us.

And she disappeared........................!

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This came from you know who you are ...

                                    The Gynecologist

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO
paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful
hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the
local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended
diligently,
and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached,
the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with
tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a
score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't
want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if
there is an error in the grade?" "The instructor said, "During the exam,
you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total
mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also
worth 50% of the mark." ............... After a pause, the instructor
added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the
muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career".

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Some stuff from Burnout


What's the difference between a Vuvuzela and a woman?

One's an annoying constant droning noise in your ear all f*ckin' day long
and the other is a plastic trumpet.


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Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if its big put three fingers in.

Make sure its wet, rub it up and down. Yeah...................!

That's how you wash a cup.


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                                         The Vet

Paddy takes his goldfish to the vet.   "I think it's got epilepsy" he tells
the vet.  The vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me". 
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

Paddy sees a letter among the mail on his doormat.  It says on the envelope
"DO NOT BEND ".  He spends an hour figuring out how he can pick it up!

Paddy shouting frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"  "Is this her first child?" asks
the Doctor.  "No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"

Paddy goes to the doctor complaining of a bad back.  "How did you get it?"
asks the Doctor.  "Having s*x doggy style!" says Paddy.  "Why not have s*x
the normal way?" asks the Doctor.  "I do " says Paddy "but the dog keeps
licking my face!"

Paddy was driving home, drunk as lord, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a
tree, then another, then another.  A cop car pulls him over as he veers
about all over the road.  Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the
road.  Cop says "for god sake Paddy, it's your air freshener swinging
about!"

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing he's inconsolable.  His wife says
"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"  He does, but two weeks later
the dog is still missing.  "What did you put in the paper?" his wife
asks. 
"Here boy" he replies.

Paddy's in jail. A guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by
his feet.  "What the feck you doing?" he asks.  "Hanging myself" Paddy
replies.  "It should be around your neck" says the Guard.  "I know" says
Paddy "but I couldn't feckin breathe".


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                              Puns for intelligent minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir C*mference. He
acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
 to be an optical Aleutian . 

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was
a weapon of math disruption. 

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart. 

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 

9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 

10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 

11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the
other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' 

12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 

14. A backward poet writes inverse. 

15. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your
count that votes. 

16. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine . 

17. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.' 

18. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
'Dam!' 

19. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too. 

20. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other
says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.' 

21. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 

22. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that
at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.


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Su Wong marries Lee Wong.  The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.  The
nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian,
WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.  'Well Mr. Wong, what
will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'  The puzzled father looks at his new
baby boy and says,  'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,  So I think we
will name him...

Are you ready for this? 

Sum Ting Wong! 


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                             Julia Gillard's first interview.....

TV: "Congratulations Prime Minister. Before we start, as we stand here on
Thursday afternoon, do you accept that tomorrow will be Friday?"

PM: "We have always supported the standard structure of the calendar and
acknowledge that the public expect a regular system that provides the
rhythm necessary for everyday planning and life structures. We feel very
strongly about this."

TV: "So you do agree that tomorrow is Friday?"

PM: "It isn't important whether it is Friday or Monday. What is important
is that unexpected changes don't interfere with the normal expectations of
the public - and this government has a solid record in supporting those
expectations."

TV: "But as today is Thursday, surely you can confirm that tomorrow is
Friday?"

PM: "Everything is relative and whether the next day is Wednesday or Sunday
is dependent on where you stand at the time. We have never challenged the
current system and have the full support of the unions on this. Most
intelligent people agree that changes are not required."

TV: "Well then, what day is tomorrow?"

PM: "Tomorrow is the next day in our plan to further develop our marvellous
country in many areas. We plan to continue providing better health care,
reduced debt, reduced unemployment, controlled immigration and to be a
world leader in controlling global warming."

TV: "Returning to the question, can you not confirm that Friday is
tomorrow?"

PM: "Friday is always around. It has been around many times before and will
be around again many more times. Which is why we need - as a responsible
government - to plan and organise for the future. Not just for tomorrow,
but for our children and their children.

TV: "Prime Minister, the viewers are waiting for your answer on what day
you think tomorrow is?"

PM: "We are dealing with bigger issues here. The Friday, Sat*rday, Sunday
thing is not important or relevant to the scheme of things. They need to
understand the critical issues and focus on the matters of concern, such
as the condition of our nation and how we can continue to develop it so
that all may reap the benefit."

TV: "I'm sorry, we seem to have lost the point here again. Are you saying
that it isn't Friday tomorrow?"

PM: "The reality is that it is not important what day it is. What is
important is how we handle the situation - and my government is handling
it with solid policies evolved from the mandate the people gave us."

TV: "But we just want to know if you agree that it will be Friday
tomorrow?"

PM: "Let's remain focused here. It is the nation that is important and we
stand fast and rock steady in our dedication to the job in hand. In
closing,
let me say this one more time - we are fully committed to the task and have
commissioned a report that will enable us to develop the plans for the
future. Thank you."

TV: "Prime Minister?????????????..."


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A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her
index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. Well, I was
trying to commit suicide, she replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your
finger off?"

"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting
myself in the chest."

"And then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get
my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"And then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud
noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."


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These came from Stumpy Steve

             Will I Live to see 80? Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and
exhaustive
Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I had just turned
57.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do
you think I'll live to be 80?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink
beer or wine?'

'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, 'Not
much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking,
or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of s*x?' 'No,' I
said.

He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even give a sh*t?


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An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.

The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched
throat.

He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there,
brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger
stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey
in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old
man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance..
never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old
fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping
around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be
tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing,
holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun,
and c*cked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very
slowly.
The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large
gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never
wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever
licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and s aid, "No sir..... but... I've always
wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:

Never be arrogant. Don't waste ammunition. Whiskey makes you think you're
smarter than you are. Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.

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Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by
circ*mstances......

While attending a Marriage Guidance Weekend, Ken and his wife, Janet,
listened to the instructor declare that it is essential that husbands and
wives know the things that are important to each other.'

He then addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favourite
flower?" Ken leaned over, touched Janet's arm gently, and whispered,
"Homepride, isn't it...?"

And thus began Ken's life of celibacy........!

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Tim was at school today and the teacher asked all the kids what their dads
did for a job.

Kids yelled Fireman, chippy, plumber etc.... but Tim kept his mouth shut -
so the teacher asked him 'Tim what does your father do for a job'

"My dad dances in a gay club and takes of his clothes for the men. If they
pay enough, he will go out with a man, rent a hotel room and sleep with
them." The teacher sent the other kids out to lunch and took Tim aside to
ask if that was true.

'No' said Tim "He plays football for England , but I was too embarrassed to
say.


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The Whizzbang Collection ...

                                 Internet Warning:

If you get an e-mail titled -

'Nude photo of Julia Gillard'

don't open it...


It contains a nude photo of Julia Gillard.


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                         INDIANS DON'T USE SADDLES....

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her
car broke down.

A Navaho on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was
uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a
Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,
yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station
attendant.

'Nothing,' the woman answered.

'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and
held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles'


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Diks sent these in


How to open a wine bottle with a shoe. [VIDEO]

 Click here


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Perfect woman...............

 Click here


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Masterfull Leadership?????

I think not!

The oil disaster done right!

 Click here


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*FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE
IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:*

*Please enjoy and understand the following*


*1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.*

*2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.*

*3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.*

*4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND
APES?*

*5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL
THE
BAD GIRLS LIVE.*

*6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP
SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.*

*7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?*

*8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH
SOAP?*

*9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT
CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?*

*10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?*

*11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?" *

*12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED
PLANT?*

*13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?*

*14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?*

*15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE
WILL
CLEAN THEM?*

*16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?*

*17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?*

*18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO
REMAIN SILENT?*

*19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?*

*20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD
SIGNS?*

*21 WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?*

*22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.*

*23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?*

*24. DO INFANTS E NJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?*

*25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?*

*26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?*

*27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?*

*28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?*

*29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?*

*30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?*

*31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?*

*32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?*

*33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME
DISORIENTED?*

*34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD *


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                     This is for the over 50 generation:

I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without
a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and communicated with
Facebook and Twitter.

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their
spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in
the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter
with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree,
Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck , Twitpix and
something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other
program within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything
except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready
to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost
every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that
in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am
supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at
Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards was
glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got
a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside
was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every
10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating". You would
think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me.
She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the
next light.
Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the
cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy,
the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless
phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't
figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around
digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry
baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every
time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on
something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I
check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable
bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with
me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just
say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to
stare at me with a blank look.

I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot."

PS.... I know some of you are not over 50; I sent it to you to allow you to
forward it to those who are.


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From Megazorch

Revenge on pesky telemarketers

 Click here


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From Smithie of Nottingham

      Bet you never thought of this... New Treatment For Sunburn

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible
sunburn,
specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly
admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin
already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor
prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a
sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for
him, Doctor'?

The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep
the sheets off his legs.'


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These from Sack

                Email going around, sent by Kevin Rudd.

"Hey guys it's me, Kevin.

Remember that $900 I lent you last year? Yeah well I lost my job and I'm
gonna need that back...."


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 LEAVE IT TO A MAN NOT TO READ THE DIRECTIONS COMPLETELY!!!!!

A farmer ordered a high tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived
when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So,
he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned the switch on and
everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure
than his wife did. When the fun was over though, he quickly realized that
he couldn't remove the machine from himself. He read the manual but didn't
find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but
still without success.

Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot
Line. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works
fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry,"
replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically
once it's collected two gallons."


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I got to thinking today,


                         Socrates was poisoned

                         Julius Caesar was stabbed to death.

                          Napoleon died in exile.

                         Abraham Lincoln was shot.

                         Gandhi was shot.

                         Kevin Rudd was Gillardteened.


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

More video stuff now from Diks, Moose, Nottingham Smithie, Burnout, Stumpy
Steve, The Great Gussius, Cartographer Chris, Sack and goog old Whizzbang.


At a nudist camp
 Click here

PENCIL SHARPENER
 Click here

Calling Grandpa
 Click here

Billboard in Brisbane.
 Click here

Pam Ayres - Are all husbands like hers?
 Click here

Finger lickin' good
 Click here

Never drink in Thailand........(XXX)
 Click here

Marriage
 Click here

Announcements
 Click here

Shoes
 Click here

In Love
 Click here

Get out and enjoy nature ... don't sit around the house!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

England are pleased to announce their new Sponsors
 Click here

One pound coin
 Click here

Excuse me....
Quick, which one is the female?
 Click here

Who needs a ute???
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Boatie Pokey
 Click here

World
 Click here

China's Amazing Bridges
 Click here

What the cat saw...
 Click here


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


Quote of the Week:


   " He who laughs last didn't get the joke."

			           	-     Anonymous

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fin-_.___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___



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[ End friday humour ]

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