Friday humour - July 02, 2010

There have been a few more contributions this week making for a fuller
edition - Thank You all for your effort in making us one of the finest
humour sites on the internet by
far..........................................................

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the
pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured
maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a
week or so, Sam really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park,
Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had
happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one
day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat
Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he
said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'

Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'

'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Mary, that cute little blonde waitress at the
coffee shop where I sometime go?'

'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'

'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I
was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

I got this from an "Old Fart" friend of mine!

OLD FART PRIDE

I'm passing this on as I did not want to be the only old fart receiving it.
Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see. Old Farts are
easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the Star Spangled
Banner (or O Canada ). Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention
and sing without embarrassment.  They know the words and believe in them.
Old Farts remember World War II, Pearl Harbour ,  Guadalcanal , Normandy
and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War,
the
Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping
Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention  Vietnam .
If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass
an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts
trust strangers and are courtly to women.
Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make
certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children
and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.
Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag
unless it's about their children or grandchildren.
It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by
politician's, but by the young men and women in the military serving their
country.
This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of
responsibility,
pride in their country and decent values.
We need them now more than ever.
Thank God for Old Farts!
Pass this on to all the "Old Farts" you know.
I was taught to respect my elders.
It's just getting harder to find them.


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Here's an interesting but small word, but you decide for yourself.
Think about UP

Read until the end.....
you'll laugh....
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter
word, and that word is 'UP.'
It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep],
[adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the
list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the
officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a
report? We call UP our friends,
brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean
UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP
trouble,
line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one
thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing:  A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped 
UP.

We
open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be
pretty mixed
UP about UP !

To be
knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the
dictionary.. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the
page and can add UP to about thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP
is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you
may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain,
we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it soaks UP the earth.
When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on & on, but
I'll wrap it UP, for now  ........my time is UP !


Oh....one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at
night?

U
   P!


Did that one crack you UP?


Don't screw UP.
Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book..or not...it's UP
to you.

Now I'll shut UP

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

This is very good, and not a joke. Check the short demo video first, then
go to the site.

FANTASTIC WEB SITE
NO Cost to USE:
THIS WEB SITE IS PHENOMENAL!

Watch the preview when you have the time and it will boggle your mind.
There are no limits to what you can do with this website...it is a
"keeper!"
Be sure to copy it to your "Favorites."   ...

Watch the Introduction first:

 Click here
Then save the Site in your favorites:
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on s*x, marriage, and family
values.
Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
---------------------------------------------------------

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my
intelligence come from?'
The father replied.  'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
cause I still have mine.'
---------------------------------------------------------

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week.'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and  then
I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

---------------------------------------------------------

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took
the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good
with the kids.'

-----------------------------------------------------------

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you
will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

----------------------------------------------------------

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.

 ----------------------------------------------------------

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll
take to fly from   San Francisco  to   New York City  ?'  The agent
replies,
'Just a minute.'  'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

----------------------------------------------------------

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in
Juan.'

-----------------------------------------------------------

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

 ------------------------- ---------------------------------

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks
him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in
surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'

------------------------------------------------------------

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
bathing suits.. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I
had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'  He's
still in intensive care.

..........................................................................

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of
thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even
more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's
there.'

__._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

PROBLEM SOLVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Breaking news:

BP announced that this morning they installed a wedding ring around the
leaking pipe and it quit putting out.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Biggus

I'm really starting to hate these stupid little Russian Dolls.
They're so full of themselves.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

 From: Biggus

...A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar
and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain
admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a
necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of
jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck,
manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends
dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully
looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can
come in -- just don't start anything."

...This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She,
of course, turns him down. Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her...
"C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy..."

...These two strings walk up to a bar... The first string walks in and
orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings
in this bar... The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls
up and orders... The bartender shouts, Hey, didn't you hear what I told
your buddy?" String says "Yeah." Bartender says, "aren't you a string?"
...
String says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."

...This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We have
a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a
drink named Steve?!"

...A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his
feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "No." A few minutes later the dog
took a huge chunk out of the man's leg. "I thought you said your dog
doesn't bite!" he said indignantly. The other guy replied, "That's not my
dog."

...A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender
promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For
you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

...Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a
beer?" Descartes replies "I think not" and POOF! he vanishes...

...A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the man
who shot my paw..."

...A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

...Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage
cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the
yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

...Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain
during root canal work because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

...It was a doctor's regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut
daiquiri on his way home and, aware of his habit, the bartender would
always have the drink waiting for him at precisely 5:18 PM. One afternoon
as the end of the work-day neared the bartender was dismayed to find he
was out of hazelnut extract but, thinking quickly, he threw together a
daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in
at his regular time, took one sip of the drink, then exclaimed: "This
isn't a hazelnut daiquiri", to which the bartender replied, "No, I'm
sorry, it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


 From: Diks
 A new blonde joke!!!

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers,
the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my
own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!' The shopkeeper
replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady,

why don't you go on and give it a try?' The blonde headed off to the swamp,
determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was
driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the
murky water, shotgun in hand.

As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming
rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the
creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead
gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in
silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to
flip the gator onto its back.

Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....
'CR*P!
THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

 From: Mitta
 YouTube - Kevin Rudd's Downfall
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Nottingham Smithie

Give 2 a month to help a hungry African child. What does he do with
it...buys a f*cking plastic trumpet!

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

 From: Nottingham Smithie
 Winning photos...check these out

 Click here

I like the one of the seagull with the fish.  Some of the others look more
like digital paintings than photos.
But really lovely images.


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

 From: Sack - a golden oldie worthy of a repeat methinks

God and his conversation with St. Francis.

GOD:
     Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions,
violets,
milkweeds  and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance
garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and
multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast
garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

     St. FRANCIS:
     It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill
them and replace them with grass.

     GOD:
     Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing
there?

     ST. FRANCIS:
     Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it
green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other
plant that crops up in the lawn.

     GOD:
     The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really
fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy.

     ST. FRANCIS:
     Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
it-sometimes twice a week.

     GOD:
     They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

     ST. FRANCIS:
     Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

     GOD:
     They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

     ST. FRANCIS:
     No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

     GOD:
     Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.
And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

     ST. FRANCIS:
     Yes, Sir.

     GOD:
     These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them
a lot of work.

     ST. FRANCIS:
     You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing
so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can
continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

     GOD:
     What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall
to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and
protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

     ST. FRANCIS:
     You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.
As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to
have them hauled away.

     GOD:
     No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter
to keep the soil moist and loose?

     ST.. FRANCIS:
     After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which
they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the
leaves.

     GOD:
     And where do they get this mulch?

     ST. FRANCIS:
     They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

     GOD:
     Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
tonight?

     ST. CATHERINE:
     'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

     GOD:
     Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

 From: Seasoldier
2010 Joke of the Year

Two women were sitting quietly together and minding their own business

The End
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Stumpy Steve

Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still
alive. He said that the England Team performance on Sunday was completely
sh*t. British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the
message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

 From: Stumpy Steve

 In a statement from broadcasting house, all future England games will now 
be shown on the gay porn channel. It is thought that 11 ar*eholes being 
regularly shafted is too explicit for regular TV.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang

Oh so True Unfortunately
Here is a happy way to start the day " NOT!!
At first I thought this was funny..... Then I realised the awful truth of
it.
Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.


Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!


Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.


Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think..


Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.


Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.


When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.


Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.


When he's gone,
Do not relax,
It's time to apply
The inheritance tax.


Accounts Receivable Tax
Airline surcharge tax
Airline Fuel Tax
Airport Maintenance Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Death Tax
Dog License Tax
Driving Permit Tax
Environmental Tax (Fee)
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment (UI)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Gasoline Tax (too much per litre)
Gross Receipts Tax
Health Tax
Hunting License Tax
Hydro Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Mortgage Tax
Personal Income Tax
Property Tax
Poverty Tax
Prescription Drug Tax
Provincial Income and sales tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Retail Sales Tax
Service Charge Tax
School Tax
Telephone Federal Tax
Telephone Federal, Provincial and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax --- and in 2010


STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nations were two of the
most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had a
large middle class, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What in "Hell" happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'

I hope this goes around Australia & New Zealand at least 100 times!!!!! YOU
can help it get there!!!!
GO AHEAD - - - be a good  Aussie or Kiwi !!!!!!!!!!

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Absolutely Stunning Photos Thanks to a VERY GOOD Friend

 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Anonymous
 Martha Raye, who knew ?

 Click here

Most of the old time entertainers were made out of a lot sterner stuff than
today's crop of activists and whiners.

The following is from an Army Aviator friend who takes another trip down
memory lane:

It was just before Thanksgiving '67 and we were ferrying dead and wounded
from a large GRF west of Pleiku. We had run out of body bags by noon, so
the
Hook ( CH-47 CHINOOK) was pretty rough in the back.  All of a sudden, we
heard a 'take-charge' woman's voice in the rear.
There was the singer and actress, Martha Raye, with a SF ( Special Forces)
beret and jungle fatigues, with subdued markings, helping the wounded into
the Chinook, and carrying the dead aboard. 'Maggie' had been visiting her
SF
'heroes' out 'west'.
We took off, short of fuel, and headed to the USAF hospital pad at Pleiku.
As we all started unloading our sad pax's, a 'Smart-Ass' USAF Captain said
to Martha.... Ms Ray, with all these dead and wounded to process,there
would not be time for your show!
To all of our surprise, she pulled on her right collar and
said.....Captain,
see this eagle? I am a full 'Bird' in the US Army Reserve, and on this is a
'Caduse' which means I am a Nurse, with a surgical speciality....now, take
me to your wounded.   He said, yes ma'am.... Follow me.
Several times at the Army Field Hospital in Pleiku, she would 'cover' a
surgical shift, giving a nurse a well-deserved break.
Martha is the only woman buried in the SF (Special Forces) cemetery at Ft.
Bragg.

Hand Salute!

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

How hot is it in LONG ISLAND

 Click here

This picture pretty much says it all..............................
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Biggus
 Inspiring message for your research staff

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Biggus
 Gorilla gripper

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

 From: Digi Maria
This was quick off the mark!

 Click here

 ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Diks
 Landing a catfish in Louisiana

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Diks
Our Border Patrol

 Click here

Now I don't care who you are, this is funny ....

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Diks
 Married Life

 Click here

LMAO!!
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Kaos_reflex
 World Cup for Women - The "Offside Rule" explained

 Click here


___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

 From: Mad Mick from Marwick
 Come on England!

 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates... As he enters, he asks St.
Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I
white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'

St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'
So the zebra went off in search of God.
When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know Am I white
with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'
God simply replied 'You are what you are.'

The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, 'Well, did
God straighten out your query for you?'
The zebra looked puzzled.. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you
are.''
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are. You are
white with black stripes..'
The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?'


'Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes,  God
would have said, 'You is what you is..'
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

 From: Muse
 Cell phone for old folks
 Click here

 ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Stumpy Steve
Lot of truth in this poster

 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

 From: Stumpy Steve
a picture for you
 Click here
This also came from Germany today.
___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
Quite Extraordinary
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

 From: Whizzbang
Hossacks Fire

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
Totally awesome
 Click here

 ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
Cars -  What  do you do with old  Dodgem  Cars

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

 these little beasties are street  legal.

They run on either Kawasaki  or Honda motorcycle engines and co-opt vintage
bumper car bodies into the most awesome form of  mini-car we've seen in too
long.
There  are seven of these little monsters floating around California , and
they're all the creation of one man, Tom Wright , a builder in the
outskirts of San Diego who figured the leftovers of the Long Beach Pike 
amusement park needed a more dignified end  than the trash heap.

They were originally  powered by Harley motors but they rattled  like  hell
and Tom replaces  them with Honda or  Kawasaki 750's and a couple have been
 measured as capable of 160 MPH , which is  terrifyingly fast in machines
with such a short wheelbase.

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

From: Whizzbang
You live where?
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

CRABBY   OLD MAN

When an old man  died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North
Platte, Nebraska, it  was believed that he had nothing left of any value.
Later, when  the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they
found this poem.  Its quality and content so impressed the staff that
copies were made and  distributed to every nurse in the hospital.
One nurse took her copy to  Missouri .

The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since  appeared in the
Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St.. Louis  Association for
Mental
Health. A slide presentation has also been made based  on his simple, but
eloquent, poem.

And this little old man,  with nothing left to give to the world, is now
the author of this  'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.


Crabby  Old Man

What do you  see nurses? . . .. .. . What do you see?
What are you thinking . . . . .  when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man . . . . . not very  wise,
Uncertain of habit . . . . . with faraway eyes?

Who  dribbles his food . . . . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud  voice . . . .. . 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . .. . .  . the things that you do.
And forever is losing .. . . . . A sock or  shoe?

Who, resisting or not . .. . . . lets you do as you  will,
With bathing and feeding . . . . . The long day to fill?
Is that  what you're thinking? . . . . . Is that what you see?
Then open your  eyes, nurse . . . . . you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you  who I am. . . . . . As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . .  . .. . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten .. . . . . with a  father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . . . . who love one  another.

A young boy of Sixteen . . . . with wings on his  feet.
Dreaming that soon now . . . . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom  soon at Twenty . . . . . my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows . .  . . . that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . I  have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . . .. And a secure happy  home.
A man of Thirty . . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each  other . . . . . With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young  sons . . .. . . have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . .  . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, babies play 'round my  knee,
Again, we know children . . . . . My loved one and  me.

Dark days are upon me . . . . . my wife is now dead.
I  look at the future . . . . . shudder with dread.
For my young are all  rearing . . . . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . . .  and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man . . . . . and  nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age . . . . . look like a  fool.
The body, it crumbles . . . . . grace and vigor, depart.
There  is now a stone . . . . where I once had a heart.

But inside  this old carcass .. . . . . a young guy still dwells,
And now and again .  . . . . my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys . . . . . I  remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . life over  again.

I think of the years, all too few . . . . . gone too  fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . . that nothing can last.
So open  your eyes, people . . . . . open and see.
Not a crabby old man . . . .  Look closer .. . . see ME!!


Remember this poem when you  next meet an older person who you might brush
aside without looking at  the young soul within.

We will all, one day, be there,  too!

PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM

The best and most  beautiful things of this world can't be seen or touched.
They must  be felt by the heart.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Subject: KINFOLK!
 Click here

___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___



--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[ End friday humour ]

 Previous (June 25, 2010)  Index Next (July 09, 2010)