Friday humour - April 02, 2010

From Burnout @ Bluehaze.

I'm not sure if the clip of Airventure, Oskosh was posted up last year, I
think it may have been. However it’s a ripper,
so turn your sound up, click You Tubes wide screen button and away we go!
Posted up by Anonymous.

A happy Easter to you.

From: Anonymous

Ok all you airplane guys.......here it is......


FREEDOM IS NOT FREE

ARTILLERY ADDS DIGNITY
TO WHAT WOULD OTHERWISE
BE JUST A VULGAR BRAWL


Subject: GET THE GOOSE BUMPS-OSHKOSH 2009.


 Click here


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From: Biggus

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the
pigeons and watch the girls and discuss world problems. One day Bill
didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a
cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam
really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together
was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to
find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one
day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold--there sat Bill! Sam was
very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For
crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'

Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'

'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Mary, that cute little blonde waitress at the
coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'

'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I
was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty.'

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'


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From your ED:
Now this would be funny if true.....

 Click here


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Subject: 18 HOLES ......ADDICTIVE GOLF GAME - Brilliant!

 Click here


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Subject: The Lemon picker

A man applying for a job at a Mildura lemon grove seemed to be far too
qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; have you had any
actual experience in picking lemons?"

The man replied: "Yes, I have. I've been divorced three times,
I bought a Pajero once and I voted for Kevin Rudd."


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From: Kaos_reflex
Subject: best movie of all time.

OMG...this really works.  I love Forrest Gump..


          BE SURE AND DO THE MATH BEFORE LOOKING AT THE LIST OF MOVIES.

Try this test. Scroll down and do the quiz as it instructs and find out
what movie is your all time favourite. It really works and will predict
your all time favourite movie ! ! ! ...Don't ask me how ...just do the
math quiz then scroll down and see it it worked for you.
This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 films you would enjoy
the most. Don't ask me how.

Pick a number from 1-9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.

Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favourite movie in
the list of 18 movies below.

Mine was "Gone With The Wind" - exactly right! ! ! So be honest, and do it
before you scroll down to see the list below. It's cool, easy and it
works.

Now look up your number in the list below...
  ?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?

  1. Gone With The Wind
  2. E.T.
  3. Beverly Hills Cop   4. Star Wars   5. Forrest Gump   6. The Good, The
Bad, and the Ugly   7. Jaws   8. Grease   9. The Joy of Anal S*x With A
Goat
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story

 Freak'n Amazing, isn't it ? ! ? ! ?


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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject:  Dillie the deer


Dillie the deer acts just like a house-trained dog as she walks up the
stairs and lounges around on her owner's bed.
Living with vet Melanie Butera, in Canal Fulton , Ohio , four-year-old
Dillie is so spoiled she is served linguine in bed.
She has even managed to work out where a deer that lives in a house should
go to do her business.


House trained: Dillie the deer polishes off a plate of linguine in her
owners' master bedroom


Taking full advantage of Melanie and her husband Steve's generous
hospitality, Dillie even gets to enjoy their swimming pool and five acres
of property on which to run around on.
Living with the Buteras since she was three days old, Dillie now knows how
to turn lights on and off and how to take ice from the dispenser in the
fridge.
'We took a call from a local farmer at 3 am one wintry night,' said
Melanie,
48. 'Dillie's mother was not taking to her and he asked if we wanted to try
to nurse her back to health.
'We put her on an IV drip because she weighed four pounds and got her back
up and running after around two weeks.
'We then realised that she couldn't go back to the farm and live with the
other deer and she couldn't live with our horses because they scared her
too much.'


Deer's best friend: Dillie plays around with Lady, the dog of the house


Leaving her in the capable hands of her eight-year-old poodle Lady, Melanie
decided that Dillie was going to become the Butera household's latest pet.
'She developed cataracts and this meant that she had to be cared for in a
sensitive manner,' explained Melanie.
'She would hang around Lady and she very quickly learned to act like a dog.
'This became apparent to us when we came home one day and couldn't find her
downstairs.
'We walked upstairs and found her standing on our bed with Lady. She had
obviously learned a few tricks from the old dog.'


Family: Dr Melanie Butera and her husband Steve Heathman share their bed in
their home in Canal Fulton, Ohio, with Dillie and Lady


Dillie slept for the first few years at the Buteras' home in their bed with
Lady.
'I suppose it was quite a cute get together, said Melanie. 'Me, my husband,
Dillie and Lady all sharing the same bed.
'My husband Steve always liked the way that Dillie would warm his feet up
when she lied on them.'
Fully house-trained, Dillie now wears a GPS collar due to a frightening
runaway incident last year.
'She went missing because a gate was left open on our property when she was
out roaming,' said Melanie.
'So we got this collar fitted to her to keep our minds at ease.'
Enjoying a wide variety of meals, Dillie's favourite is ice cream and
coffee, topped with frozen ice shavings.


Stairway to heaven: Dillie has the run of the house, and has even learned
how to use the toilet

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From: Sack
Subject: The Bes of Both Woids

Say No to spammers!!


        Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning
submissions to its
        yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply
alternative
        meanings for common words.


        The winners are:
        1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
        2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have
gained.
        3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
        4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
        5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
        6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly
        answer the door in your nightgown.
        7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
        8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
        9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you
are run
        over by a steamroller.
        10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
        11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
        12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
        13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
        14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
        15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief
that, when
        you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
        16. Circ*mvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn
by
Jewish
        men.

        The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take
any word
        from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one
        letter, and supply a new definition.

        Here are this year's winners:
        1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright
        ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign
        of breaking down in the near future.
         3. Cashtration (n..): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject
        financially impotent for an indefinite   period.
         4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very high.
         5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and
the
        person who doesn't get it.
         6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
         7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
         8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
credit.)
         9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all
these
        really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like, a
        serious bummer.
         10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming
        only things that are good for you.
         11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
         12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when
        they come at you rapidly.
         13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've
        accidentally walked through a spider web.
         14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
your
        bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be   cast out.
         15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub
in the
        fruit you're eating.
         And the pick of the literature:
         16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an as*hole..


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From: Sack
Subject: Tips on how to win at a pub quiz

Q.        I lost out on winning the pub quiz by one point.

The tie-break question was, "Where do women mostly have curly hair?"


 A.    Apparently it's Africa.


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From: Seasoldier
Subject: Fw: This is one of the funniest video clips I have seen in a long
time

   If this video doesn't make you smile there's something
wrong....................

This Country & Western Video is getting great exposure but if you haven't
seen it yet, click below.


 Click here


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From: Stumpy Steve

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS
(This was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their
holiday away from school.

One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.

They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they
moved to Arizona: now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green
to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags
because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it
fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't
do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats
on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.
He watches all day so nobody can escape.

Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.

And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds.

Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house.

The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot
luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and
says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.
Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

....  PRICELESS

Forward to all your "retarded grandparent" friends


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Two female co-workers are having a conversation at work.

Woman 1: Did you have good s*x last night?

Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in 3
minutes, got on top of me, finished having s*x in 4 minutes, rolled over
and fell asleep in 2 minutes. How about you?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home. He took me out to a
romantic dinner. After dinner we took a walk for an hour. When we came
home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay.
After foreplay we had an hour long session of fantastic s*x and then we
talked for an hour. It was like in a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: Did you have good s*x last night?

Husband 2: Yes, it was great! I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate,
screwed my wife and fell asleep.  What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut
the electricity because I didn't pay the bill. In return I had to take my
wife out to dinner and the dinner was so expensive that we didn't have
money for a cab. So we had to walk home for an hour - and when we got
home, there was no electricity, so I had to light f*cking candles all over
the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I
couldn't c*m for another hour. After I finally did, I was so mad and
aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for
another hour!


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From: Welsh Will, who tells us: Been lurking for years, thought I'd finally
contribute something:

Subject: Letter to Republicans

Dear republicans,

You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and
appointed a President.
You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate
energy policy.
You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.
You didn't get mad when the Pentagon misplaced $2.3 tril...lion.
You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.
You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat
to us.
You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on said
illegal war.
You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.
You didn't get mad when you saw the abu ghraib photos.
You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.... See More
You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.
You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.
You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.
You didn't get mad when we let a major US city drown.
You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.
You didn't get mad when the debt went up $5 trillion under Bush.
You finally got mad when.. when... wait for it... when the government
decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they
are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax
dollars to make the rich richer, are all ok with you, but helping other
Americans... well f*ck that.


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  TIMELESS WISDOM FROM BARS SIGNS, etc....

Bar Room Signs ...


Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University , Durham , NC


If life is a waste of time,
And time is a waste of life,
Then let's all get wasted together
And have the time of our lives.
Armand's Pizza, Washington , DC


Fighting for peace is like
Screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO


No matter how good she looks,
Some other guy is sick and tired
Of putting up with her sh*t.
Men's Room
Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC


At the feast of ego
Everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson , AZ


=0 A


It's hard to make a comeback
When you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus,
Wickenburg , AZ


Make love, not war.
Hell, do both
GET MARRIED!
Women's restroom
The Filling Station, Bozeman , MT


If voting could really change things,
It would be illegal.
Revolution Books
New York , New York .


If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
Congress!
Men's restroom House of Representatives,
Washington , DC


Express Lane:
Five beers or less
Sign over one of the urinals
Ed Debevic's, Phoenix , AZ


You're too good for him..
Sign over mirror in Women's restroom
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA


No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA


~~~ and perhaps the most realistic one ~~~


A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
You're going to have trouble with it
Women's restroom
D*ck's Last Resort, Dallas , TX


0A


ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

______________________________
SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man...
_____________________________


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.


To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.

______________________________


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die...

______________________________


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

_____________________________


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE
FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing
the same thing to them at funerals.


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From: Whizzbang
Subject:  Mr Bean

If Mr. Bean Had A Baby
baby_bean
 Click here

If Mr. Bean Was In Avatar
bean_avatar
 Click here

If Mr. Bean Was Justin Bieber
bean_bieber
 Click here

If Mr. Bean Had A Daughter
bean_daughter
 Click here

If Mr. Bean Was Lady Gaga
bean_gaga
 Click here

If Mr. Bean Was Bin Laden
bean_laden
 Click here

If Mr. Bean Was In Legally Blonde bean_legally_blonde
 Click here

If Mr. Bean Was In Orphan
bean_orphan
 Click here

If Mr. Bean Was A pirate
bean_pirate
 Click here

If Mr. Bean Was The Pope
bean_pope
 Click here


If Mr. Bean Was Harry Potter
bean_potter
 Click here

If Mr. Bean ran For President
bean_president
 Click here

If Mr. Bean Was Tomb Raider
bean_raider
 Click here

If Mr. Bean Was In Twilight
bean_twilight
 Click here


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IDIOT  SIGHTING

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service

department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock

the driver side door.  As I watched from the passenger side,

I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that

it was unlocked.  'Hey,' I announced to

the technician,  'it's open!'  His reply: 'I know.

I already got that  side.'
This  was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS


IDIOT SIGHTING:


We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that

one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large'

enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute,

and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time,

a 1/2 horsepower.  He shook his head and said, 'Lady,

you need a  1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, 'NO, it's  not.' Four is larger than two.'

                                              We  haven't used Sears repair
since.


                                   IDIOT  SIGHTING:
   My  daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and

I gave the clerk a $5 bill.  Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a
quarter.

She said, 'You  gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way
you can just give me a dollar bill back.  She sighed and went  to get the
manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me 
back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of 
thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in  change.
Do  not confuse the clerks at McD's.


IDIOT  SIGHTING  :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING
sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out
here!
I don't  think this is a good place for  them to be crossing anymore.'
From Kingman , KS


IDIOT  SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE  :
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceburg lettuce.
  -- From Kansas City


IDIOT  SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He
smiled  knowingly and nodded,
   'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham ,  Ala.


  IDIOT  SIGHTING  :
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.  I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked
if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people
when the light  is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind
people doing driving?!'
She's a probation officer in Wichita , KS


IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the
company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is
fun.
We  should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken.

We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at  Texas Instruments.


  ;
IDIOT SIGHTING :
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and
for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not
turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas    County Sheriff's office, no  less.


How would you pronounce this child's name?

         "Le-a"

 Leah??                NO
 Lee - A??            NOPE  Lay - a??             NO  Lei??                
  Guess Again.

This child attends a school in  Kansas City, Mo. Her mother is irate
because everyone is getting her name wrong.

It's pronounced "Ledasha", When the Mother was asked about the
pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to
pronounce the dash.

If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.


 STAY ALERT!
They walk among us .... and they VOTE and REPRODUCE !!


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OK, we've had a little AV, so now lets have the rest.
Fist up considering your missus may be wipeing excess chocolate from her
kisser & your kids are about to poison the dog.

Yes it Easter!


From: 4M
Subject: Happy Easter

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here


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From: Allnutts
Subject: I get depression that my garage isn't big enough....imagine

 Click here

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Subject: Politics explained

What's Politics....????
LOOK AT  THIS  ATTACHED  POWERPOINT  PRESENTATION

 Click here

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Subject: FW: This is what patience looks like!

 Click here

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From: Anonymous
Subject: WORLDS BEST CAR SALESMAN

  >>During the late 60's, most television programs, and commercials were
live. No pre recorded programs.

There were some obvious problems with this method, such as no retakes,
and Bloopers were a regular occurrence.

This is no blooper! This guy was just VERY PO'd with his Boss, and told it
like it is.

The language this guy used was missed by the camera crew, and the producer,
and got on the air, but only once.

 Click here

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From: Anonymous
Subject: Office essentials!

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Anonymous
Subject: Fwd: Jewish S*x

 Click here Click here

  Jewish S*x
  this is cute


  A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding meets
with their rabbi for counseling.

   The rabbi asks if they have any last questions
  before they leave.

    The man asks, "Rabbi, we realize it's tradition
  for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the
reception.
But, we'd like your permission to dance together, like the rest of the
  world."

   "Absolutely not," says the rabbi. "It's immodest.
  Men and women always dance separately."

   "So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"

    "No," answered the rabbi. "It's forbidden."

   "Well, okay," says the man, "What about s*x?
  Can we finally have s*x?"

    "Of course!" replies the rabbi. "S*x is a mitzvah a good thing within
marriage, to have children!"

   "What about different positions?" asks the man

    "No problem," says the rabbi "It's a mitzvah!"

   "Woman on top?" the man asks.

    "Sure," says the rabbi. "Go for it! It's a mitzvah!"

   "Doggy style?"

   "Sure! Another mitzvah!"

   "On the kitchen table?"

   "Yes, yes! A mitzvah!"

   "Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil,
  a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno
video?"

   "You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!"

   "Can we do it standing up?"

   "No." says the rabbi."

   "Why not?" asks the man.

   "Could lead to dancing!"


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From: Anonymous
Subject: Fwd: Yikes~Even More Walmartians!

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here


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Subject: Fwd: enjoy

 Click here


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Subject: Kopp-Etchells Effect


Kopp-Etchells Effect

When helicopters pass through dust storms,
contact of the particles with the rotating blades produces either sparks or
static electricity.

The phenomenon has been observed during combat operations in Afghanistan;
Michael Yon has doc*mented the effect,
and has named it after two
U K Soldiers who died there.
"Kopp-Etchells"

When operating in sandy environments,
sand hitting the moving rotor blades erodes their surface.
This can damage the rotors;
the erosion also presents serious and costly maintenance problems.

The abrasion strips on helicopter rotor blades are made of titanium,
which is very hard, but less hard than sand;
so when a helicopter is flown near to the ground in desert environments
abrasion occurs,
and at night there is a visible corona or halo around the rotor blades,
caused by the sand hitting the titanium and causing it to spark and
oxidize.

 Click here Click here Click here

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From: Burnout
Subject: Listen carefully to the disclaimer during this commercial


 Click here

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Subject: More Motivation

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here


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Subject: 38 CALIBER CIRC*MCISION

 Click here

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Subject: Failing a breathalyser test

 Click here

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Subject: Men !!

 Click here

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Subject: Boys Toys

 Click here

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From: Duke of Barsinov
Subject: Monopoly - did you know this? Interesting War Story.

 Click here


(You'll never look at the game the same way again!)
Starting in 1941, an increasing number of British Airmen found themselves
as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the Crown was casting
about for ways and means to facilitate their escape...
 
Now obviously, one of the most helpful aids to that end is a useful and
accurate map, one showing not only where stuff was, but also showing the
locations of 'safe houses' where a POW on-the-lam could go for food and
shelter.
 
Paper maps had some real drawbacks -- they make a lot of noise when you
open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and if they get wet, they turn
into mush.
Someone in MI-5 (similar to America 's OSS ) got the idea of printing
escape maps on silk. It's durable, can be scrunched-up into tiny wads, and
unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever.
At that time, there was only one manufacturer in Great Britain that had
perfected the technology of printing on silk, and that was John
Waddington,
Ltd. When approached by the government, the firm was only too happy to do
its bit for the war effort.
By pure coincidence, Waddington was also the U..K. Licensee for the popular
American board game, Monopoly. As it happened, 'games and pastimes' was a
category of item qualified for insertion into 'CARE packages', dispatched
by the International Red Cross to prisoners of war.
Under the strictest of secrecy, in a securely guarded and inaccessible old
workshop on the grounds of Waddington's, a group of sworn-to-secrecy
employees began mass-producing escape maps, keyed to each region of
Germany or Italy where Allied POW camps were regional system). When
processed, these maps could be folded into such tiny dots that they would
actually fit inside a Monopoly playing piece.
As long as they were at it, the clever workmen at Waddington's also managed
to add:
1. A playing token, containing a small magnetic compass
2. A two-part metal file that could easily be screwed together
3. Useful amounts of genuine high-denomination German, Italian, and French
currency, hidden within the piles of Monopoly money!
British and American air crews were advised, before taking off on their
first mission, how to identify a 'rigged' Monopoly set -- by means of a
tiny red dot, one cleverly rigged to look like an ordinary printing
glitch,
located in the corner of the Free Parking square.
Of the estimated 35,000 Allied POWS who successfully escaped, an estimated
one-third were aided in their flight by the rigged Monopoly sets..
Everyone who did so was sworn to secrecy indefinitely, since the British
Government might want to use this highly successful ruse in still another,
future war.
The story wasn't declassified until 2007, when the surviving craftsmen from
Waddington's, as well as the firm itself, were finally honored in a public
ceremony.

It's always nice when you can play that 'Get Out of Jail' Free' card!
I realize most of you are (probably) too young to have any personal
connection to WWII (Dec. '41 to Aug. '45), but this is still interesting.


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From: KRP
Subject: For booklovers.

 Click here

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From: Kaos_reflex
Subject: Santa:

 Click here Click here


A cop was on his horse
 waiting to cross the street,


A little girl on her shiny new bike stopped beside him.


'Nice bike,' the cop said.
'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety
violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad,
and next year,
tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there Sir. 
Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, the cop chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said,

 
'Next year tell Santa;
The d*ck goes underneath the horse,
not on top'!!!
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From: Kaos_reflex
Subject: Another problem caused by deforestation

 Click here

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Subject: I've been thinking.

 Click here


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From: Muse
Subject: Lovable commercial

 Click here

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Subject: King of reverse

 Click here

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From: Muse
Subject: Parental Porn blocker

 Click here
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From: Muse
Subject: Now why didn't I think of that???

 Click here

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From: Nottingham Smithie
Subject:  Old Cans

What do you do with your old cans?
You throw them away?
Not this guy!
I suppose if he gets caught doing this instead of recycling he will end up
in the can


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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From: Sack
Subject: An incredible Story of Luck and Inspiration!

If this does not touch your heart, then you just don't have one......
An incredible story of luck and inspiration!
Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last
Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later!

Talk about LUCK!

 Click here

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From: Sack
Subject: TRANSPORT.

 Click here

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Subject:  Something to try at home - clearing the table

 Click here


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From: Whizzbang
Subject: The a-Team...

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

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Subject: Just When You Think You've Seen It All

 Click here Click here Click here


Taken at Durban International Airport on the morning of 04/03/2010 ..

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From: Whizzbang.........(XXX some of the most remarkable photographs
I have ever seen - ED).

Subject: anyone looking for a fit blonde?

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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Subject:  An EVA Air Boeing 747-45EM

HOLY  CRAPPPPP  !!!
An EVA Air Boeing 747-45EM taking off from runway 36L at
Amsterdam-Schiphol (AMS / EHAM), Netherlands...

Someone probably had to change their underwear after this one!
The timing and angle of this shot (particularly the size of the 747),
makes 'the event' look even more spectacular!

At liftoff, the distance to the fence was just 145 meters (475ft)...!
(This was horizontal distance, not vertical!)

I must seriously wonder if any member of the EVA c*ckpit crew bothered to
compute the 'required runway length' prior to them initiating the takeoff
roll?

 Click here


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Subject: TIGER'S NEW ADS
File links:
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here
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Subject:  Can you spot Homer Simpson? (XX - ED)

 Click here

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Subject:  How's this for a paint job?
File links:
 Click here

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Subject:  The Absolute & Ultimate  Little Johnnie Joke

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.


When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was
invited over to see the baby.


Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and
explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the
baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking
of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.


When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.


Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a
cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will
have 20/20 vision."

"That's great", said Little Johnnie, "coz he'd be f*cked if he needed
glasses".

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Subject:  Pedal Power

 Click here

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AAAANNND Finaly from:
anonymous
We could all learn so much from this elegant and gracious lady.
You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who
shot President Reagan in the early 1980's. Hinckley was absolutely
obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster and, in his twisted mind,
loved Jodie to the point that to make himself well known to her,
he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.
There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released having been
rehabilitated.
Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to
John Hinckley.

To: John  Hinckley
From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan

My family and I wanted  to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we
are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.
In our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to
know that we bear no grudge against you for shooting President Reagan.
We are fully aware that mental stress and pain could have driven you to
such an act of desperation. We're confident that you will soon make a
complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a
healthy and productive man.

Best wishes,
Nancy Reagan & Family


P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Kevin Rudd has been banging Jodie
Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.


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I'll finish up this week with some Political Axioms that Never Age for your
merriment.

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the
newspaper you are misinformed.
-Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot.  And suppose you were a member of Congress...
But then I repeat myself.
-Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a
man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support
of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt
he proposes to pay off with your money.
-G. Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what
to have for dinner.
-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in
rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
-Douglas Casey,

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to
teenage boys.
-P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live
at the expense of everybody else.
-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

Democrat's Government view of the economy could be summed up in a few short
phrases:  If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it
stops moving, subsidize it.
-Ronald Reagan (1986)

I don't make jokes... I just watch the government and report the facts.
-Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs
when it's free!
- P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as
possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
-Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics
won't take an interest in you!
-Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in
session.
-Mark Twain (1866 )

Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
-Unknown

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal:  a happy appetite at one
end and no responsibility at the other.
-Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings.
The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the
taxidermist leaves the skin.
-Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill
the world with fools.
-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress.
-Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)


 AND THE BEST ONE.......

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough
to take everything you have.
-Thomas Jefferson

There are some real prophesise there!


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[ End friday humour ]

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