Friday humour - December 11, 2009

[from Steve @ Bluehaze]

Clearly this has been Tiger Woods' week. It is rare for Friday Humour to
get the same joke/picture/video three times in one week,
but this week Tiger smashed the record. The family portrait/Christmas card
image was sent in NINE TIMES this week. It was so popular this week, one
contributor even sent it in twice. Sadly, we only list it once, although
there is nothing stopping you from opening it nine times if you want to
:-)

The rest of the contributions were sent in by Allnutts, Biggus, Diks, The
Great Gussius, Moose, Muse, Seasoldier, Stumpy Steve,
Whizzbang et al.

Enjoy ...

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a
hole in one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball
400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below
par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They
went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide
between a wood and an iron.

Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of
drivers. They said to named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."

News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger
Woods' crash. They are calling it, " Scratching Swede, Lying
Tiger.

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family ... his
new name?: Cheetah

What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common ?? They're both clubbed
by Norwegians !

Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat
Tiger.

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One Sabbath, an Alabama preacher told his flock: "Someone in this
congregation has spread a scurrilous rumour that I am a member of the Ku
Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community
cannot tolerate.

"I am embarrassed, and I do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the
party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from our Lord and this
Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued: "Do you have the nerve to face me and
admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven, and in your
heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet. Then slowly a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a
traffic-stopping body rose from the third pew.

Her head was bowed and her voice quavered as she spoke: "Reverend, there
has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of
the Ku Klux Klan.

"I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the
sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation
roared. Hallelujah.

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Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

Police stop a Pakistani in his transit on the motorway. Policeman says "Do
you know the limit is 70?" The driver leans into the back and says "hear
that - 3 of you have got to get out".

Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them. "B****s
to that" said Paddy "that's the last time I go lion dancing"

63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist
attack,a bunk bed collapsed. The police are blaming AL IKEA .

Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for
depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain.

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True Love ...

It was the happiest day of my life.

Arrived at the church, husband waiting at the altar,

Walked up the aisle, kissed him on the cheek, smiled........

And closed the f*cking lid.

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An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from
the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the
other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more
inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies, "Get out! You're on my side."

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Tiger Woods Family Portrait
 Click here

Here's a fine example of dog joy!
 Click here

Its those Christmas lights again. Good for a run every year ...
 Click here

Completely addictive for engineers - you have been warned!
 Click here

Spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can
 Click here

Garlic Warning!
 Click here

Cool Christmas Decoration!
 Click here

Technique ...
 Click here

Collection
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

A whole lot of WTFs.
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Dress for the moment
 Click here

Don't rely on Cupid
 Click here

Recruitment
 Click here

How to tell if pantyhose is too thick.
 Click here

More People Of Walmart (yawn)
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

More motivational posters [some a smidgin Xish]
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

Remind you of anything?
 Click here

Rudd Doesn't Like This [genuinely hilarious]
 Click here

Explain these photos ...
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

Great teamwork! [XXX]
 Click here
Not sure what they've won - but who cares ...

Xmas calendar - click on date
 Click here

Time to leave home.
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

      Ah-the-eah the-eah That's All (for this week) Folks!


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[ End friday humour ]

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