Friday humour - July 03, 2009

Greetings fellow chucklers from a sweltering, steamy, Sherwood Forest by
our standards, three weeks ago it snowed in the UK , and now we are
sweating our gonads off, but the show must go on by Gad - so onwards with
the merriment and mirth........


From: Allnutts

A JEWISH TALE -- OF FOUR JEWISH SONS AND A MOTHER

Four Jewish brothers left home for college,
and eventually,
they became successful doctors, and lawyers --
and prospered.

Some years later,
they chatted after having dinner together.

They discussed the gifts
that they were able to give to their elderly mother,
who lived far away in another city.

The first said,
'I had a big house built for Mama'.

The second said,
'I had a hundred thousand dollar theatre built in the house.

The third said,
'I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her a SL 600 with a chauffeur.'

The fourth said,
'Listen to this.
You know how Mama loved reading the Torah and you know she can't anymore
because she can't see very well.

I met this Rabbi
who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Torah.
It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him.
I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the
temple, but it was worth it.
Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.'

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays
Mama sent out her Thank You notes.

She wrote:

Milton -- Bubelle,
the house you built is so huge,
I live in only one room,
but I have to clean the whole house.
Thanks anyway.

Marvin --  Mine Sheyne Kindele
I am too old to travel. I stay home.
I have my groceries delivered,
so I never use the Mercedes and the driver you hired is a Nazi.
The thought was good.
Thanks.

Menachim -- Tataleh,
you give me an expensive theatre with Dolby sound,
it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead.
I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind.
I'll never use it.
Thank you for the gesture just the same.

Dearest Melvin --
you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to
your gift.

The chicken was delicious.

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two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their
soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready,
with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk
by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious
senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked "What
are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're sellin' ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well; only two
left"


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 From: Billm

HOW COME......
These seem to be true, but who knows.  Interesting anyway.


                              : Why are many coin banks shaped like pigs?

                              A: Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe
were made with a dense orange clay called "pygg".   When people saved
coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as "pygg banks."  
When an
English potter misunderstood the word, he made a bank that resembled a pig.
And it caught on.
                                              ___

                              Q: Did you ever wonder why dimes, quarters
and half dollars have notches, while pennies and nickels do not?

                              A: The US Mint began putting notches on the
edges of coins containing gold and silver to discourage holders from
shaving off small quantities of the precious metals Dimes, quarters and
half dollars are notched because they used to contain silver.   Pennies
and nickels aren't notched because the metals they contain are not
valuable enough to shave.
                                              ___

                              Q: Why do men's clothes have buttons on the
right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?

                              A: When buttons were invented, they were very
expensive and worn primarily by the rich.   Because wealthy women were
dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right.   Since
most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right
through holes on the left.   And that's where women's buttons have
remained since.
                                              ___

                              Q: Why do X's at the end of a letter signify
kisses?

                              A: In the Middle Ages, when many people were
unable to read or write, doc*ments were often signed using an X. Kissing
the
X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the doc*ment.
The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.
                                              ___

                              Q: Why is shifting responsibility to someone
else called "passing the buck"?

                              A: In card games, it was once customary to
pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn
it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility, he
would
"pass the buck" to the next player.
                                              ___

                              Q: Why do people clink their glasses before
drinking a toast?

                              A: It used to be common for someone to try to
kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink.  To prove to a guest that a
drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of
his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it
simultaneously.  When a guest trusted his host, he would then just touch
or clink the host's glass with his own.
                                              ___

                              Q: Why are people in the public eye said to
be
"in the limelight"?

                              A: Invented in 1825, limelight was used in
lighthouses and stage lighting by burning a cylinder of lime which
produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, performers on stage "in the
limelight" were seen by the audience to be the center of attention.
                                              ___

                              Q: Why do ships and aircraft in trouble use
"mayday" as their call for help?

                              A: This comes from the French word m'aidez
-meaning "help me" -- and is pronounced "mayday."
                                              ___

                              Q: Why is someone who is feeling great "on
cloud nine"?

                              A: Types of clouds are numbered according to
the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud, so if
someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above
worldly cares.
                                              ___

                              Q: Why are zero scores in tennis called
"love"?

                              A: In France , where tennis first became
popular, a big, round zero on scoreboard looked like an egg and was called
"l'oeuf," which is French for "egg." When tennis was introduced in the US ,
Americans pronounced it "love."
                                              ___

                              Q: In golf, where did the term "Caddie" come
from?

                              A. When Mary, later Queen of Scots, went to
France as a young girl (for education & survival), Louis, King of France,
learned that she loved the Scot game "golf."   So he had the first golf
course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment.   To make sure she was
properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from
a military school to accompany her.   Mary liked this a lot and when she
returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the
practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced 'ca-day' and
the
Scots changed it into "caddie."

                              NOW YOU KNOW!


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 From: Kaos_reflex
Michael Jackson - it didn't take long.

Jockeys at Flemington will now wear black armbands in respect to Michael
Jackson's death. It seems Michael rode more 3 year olds than anyone else in
living history.

Also:

Farrah Fawcett's last dying wish was for all children to be
safe..........that's why Michael was killed.

And:

He didn't die of a heart attack - he actually died in a childrens ward
having a stroke.

Stephen Hawking can finally achieve an erection now that doctors have
disabled his pop-up blocker.

Doctors say that the best way to avoid Swine Flu is to stop shaking hands
................. Michael J Fox must be sh*tting himself.

How many people with Tourette Syndrome does it take to change a f*cking
c*nt b*stard.

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From: Nottingham Smithie

At last Gordon Brown decided to throw the towel in and resign.

His cabinet colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a
railway locomotive after him. So a senior 'Sir Humphrey' went from
Whitehall to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the
possibilities.

"They have a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," a
specially-sought consultant told the top civil servant. "Mostly freight
locomotives though."

"Oh dear, that's not very fitting for a prime minister," said Sir
Humphrey. "How about that big green one, over there?" he said, pointing to
4472.

"That's already got a name" said the consultant. "It's called 'Flying
Scotsman'."

"Oh. Couldn't it be renamed?" asked Sir Humphrey. "This is a national
museum after all, funded by the taxpayer."

"I suppose it might be considered," said the consultant. "After all the
LNER renamed a number of their locomotives after directors of the company,
and even renamed one of them Dwight D Eisenhower."

"That's excellent", said Sir Humphrey, "So that's settled then .. let's
look at renaming 4472.
But how much will it cost? We can't spend too much,
given the expenses scandal!"

Well, said the consultant, "We could always just paint out the 'F'."

 Click here

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 From: Nottingham Smithie

The eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination,
the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs.  Green, but tell
me,
do you still have intercourse?"
"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband,"she said.
She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:
"Bob, do we still have intercourse?"
And there was a hush you could hear a pin drop.
Bob answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I told you a hundred
times....
What we have is BLUE CROSS !!


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From: Nottingham Smithie

Michael jackson passed away this morning from a massive heart attack.
Authorities have released a statement saying that they will melt his body
down and make plastic toys so kids can play with him for a change.

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From: Nottingham Smithie

This scene took place on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg ,
South Africa & London ..
A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man.

Very disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. 'You obviously do not
see it then?' she asked. 'You placed me next to a black man. I did not
agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an
alternative seat.'

'Be calm please,' the hostess replied.
'Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if
another place is available.'

The hostess went away & then came back a few minutes later. 'Madam, just as
I thought, there are no other available seats in Economy Class.

I spoke to the captain & he informed me that there is also no seat in
Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in First Class.'

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued. 'It is not
usual for our company to permit someone from Economy Class to sit in First
Class.
However, given the circ*mstances, the captain feels that it would be
scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting.'

The Hostess turned to the black guy, & said, 'Therefore, Sir, if you would
like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First
Class.'

At that moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by what they had
just witnessed, stood up & applauded.
WELL DONE, British Airways!!


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From: Stumpy Steve

Michael Jackson is not going to be buried or cremated but recycled into
shopping bags so he can remain white, plastic and dangerous for kids to
play with.

Reports of Michael Jackson having a heart attack are incorrect. He was
actually found in the children's ward having a stroke!

A post mortem will be carried out later today as doctors are unsure whether
to blame his death on the sunshine, moonlight, good times or the boogie.


Latest news , Jacko died of food poisoning after swallowing some 12 year
old nuts

Michael Jackson hasn't been this stiff since Macaulay Culkin stayed for the
weekend his last wish was for his ashes to be interred in an
etch-a-sketch....so that he could continue to be played with by children

 The problem now is an environmental one, if they cremate him, too much 
plastic toxic gases and if he's buried the bleach will kill the grass.

 Michael Jackson died of a heart attack this morning after he  discovered
that boyz II men was a band, not a delivery service

 Gary Glitter has made a world record bid for his laptop....

 Los Angeles police have now been round to Michael Jackson's Neverland 
ranch this afternoon. It is being reported that they found Class A  drugs
in his kitchen, Class B drugs in his bathroom and Class 4C in  his
bedroom.

 Police suspect a smooth criminal was responsible. He was not alone.
 There was apparently a man in the mirror who was very dangerous and 
wanted to be startin something even though MJ told him to beat it and  was
heard to say leave me alone. Nobody knows if the suspect was black  or
white.

 Farrah Fawcett died and arrived at the pearly gates, God granted  her  one
wish... Her wish was for all the children in the world to be  safe.... So
he killed Michael Jackson


whats the difference between Michael Jackson and Alex Ferguson?....
Ferguson will be playing Giggs in August!

M.J. cannot be cremated because he had so much plastic surgery done that
they are going to melt him down and turn him into 'Lego Bricks' , that way
the kids can play about with him for a change !

The autopsy on M.J. was held up for a while because his Medical Insurance
couldnt cover the cost and they dont accept plastic  !


Two paramedics arrived at michael jackson's place answering the 911 call.
the first paramedic said, "what should we try first" The Other paramedic
said. "I don't know about you, but I'm going on the ferris wheel"

Michael Jackson didnt die from a heart attack, he died from an allergic
reaction to 12 year old nuts

The pearly gates open and and Elvis walks out shouting, "where is that
weird son of a bitch that married my daughter"

Reports show that Michael Jackson died after tripping over his sons
pushchair! The Coronor says its too early to 'Blame it on the Buggy'

All you English MJ supporters out there - DONT WORRY! Gary Glitter is going
to fill in on Jacko's gigs

The Jackson Family Are Having Trouble With The Under Taker. They want cash
and won't take plastic.

Lets all wait 3 days before we make it official. I would love to have a new
easter egg hunt every year.

Medical research has confirmed that every time you grab your own crotch,
it shortens your life by 2 days. If the average lifespan of an American
male is 80, then Michael Jackson passing on at 50 must have grabbed his
crotch approximately 5470 times

Michael Jackson is finally returning to his roots...after his cremation he
will be black once again

I dont feel any emotion for MJs death... Guess he never really touched me
when I was younger

The Jackson 5 are offering a 20% discount on their reunion show.


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From: Whizzbang

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older
priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple
confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional
for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest and rub your chin
with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests,
"Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and
'how did you feel about that?'"

The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says,
"Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and
saying 'No sh*t! What happened next?'"

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From: Whizzbang

Rumour has it that Michael Jackson wanted to be buried at sea, naturally
strapped to a couple of bouys!

In memory of his death McDonalds have released the McJacko burger. It is a
piece of 50 yr old meat between two 12 year old buns.

On his death bed Michael Jackson asked to have his ashes packed into a box
of Rice Bubbles , so he can have the feeling of passing through a 12 year
old just one more time.

The paramedics were singing......beat it, yeah just beat it, find yourself
a pulse and beat it!!

The staff at the hospital do not know what to do with his body as plastic
recycle night is not until next Tuesday.

I hear the first heart attack did not kill him, it was the second one when
he realised the hospital they were taking him to didn`t have a kiddies
ward.

Michael Jackson is dead. Government sources have warned about eating 12
year old sausage.

The Jackson family want a refund from Tupperware as plastic is supposed to
last a lifetime.

In his will, Michael Jackson wants to be melted down and made into a
playstation so kids can still play with him.

The death of Michael Jackson has been classed as an enviro disaster as you
should not burn or bury that much plastic.

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 From: Whizzbang

At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger
congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because
he is so popular.

Ian Follings, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago,
stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new
Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their
children!'

      The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

      Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says,
'If the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and
establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education of
his children!'

      More sighs and loud applause.

      Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Vicar
stays, I will give him s*x.'

      There is total silence.

      The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and
holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?'

      Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side,
while his wife replies: 'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help,
and he said, 'Fuck him'.

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From: Allnutts
 Good old Nannas

 Click here

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 From: Allnutts
What to do with your empties.

 Click here

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From: Allnutts
Penguin

 Click here


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From: Anonymous
 Inspirational Posters

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 From: Anonymous
 Incredible Shot!!!
 Click here

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From: Burnout
The Definition of a Bogan

Characteristics
Bogans are stereotypically considered to be old children (from
approximately 15 to 30 years of age). Bogans mature to become yobbos. Low
to midrange literacy and intelligence, (80-100 IQ) and above average
physical strength are also prominent elements. The bogan accent is highly
distinguishable,
being a high-pitched variant of Australian strine similar to "ocker", and
the vernacular relies heavily upon truncated words and swearing. Bogans
will typically use the phrase "yous" to refer to two or more people, and
will modify people's names by adding "azza" (ie Barry = Bazza, Sharon =
Shazza).

Bogans have a habit of swapping vowels around in some words to create their
own quasi language. "****" will become "Cant" and "You" may become "Ya". An
example of this quasi language can be seen in the sentence, "Punish mi
caaant", which is sometimes heard during intercourse with a female bogan.
It translates to, "Punish my ****".

Bogans often choose names for their offspring that they see as 'cool' and
'trendy' like 'Montana', 'Sienna', & 'Dakota' or taking normal names like
'Belinda' and choosing new lettering ie; 'Bilynda' or even worse a
re-spelled Bogan name ie; 'Dhakota'. Names like Chardonnay, Mercedes, Jade
or Mercedes-Taylor etc, are also common.

Favourite pastimes
Bogans worship footy of any code (typically Rugby League or aussie rules
football ) and reality television as a de facto substitute for such.
Bogans tend also to be obsessed with cars and the variations that can be
made to them. Many bogans sport unnecessary add-on spoilers on their
sedans.

General appearance
Bogans are inherently ugly in appearance, some wealthier bogans are
actually obsessively vain. Celebrity bogan men will often appear on hair
loss commercials. Many bogans wear the mullet hairstyle. Some bogan men
wear beanies or caps to hide their receding hairlines or simply shave
their heads. Those with full hair will often still wear mullets or use
highlights.
Many bogans use fake tan, visit solariums or sunbake for long periods. It
is not uncommon for a bogan to spend hours at the gym building up their
biceps,
but are proud of their beer bellies and rarely practice sit-ups. Some
bogans will even try to expose themselves publicly to acknowledge their
vanity.
Bogan men are also obsessive womanisers, and will often two-time or even
flirt openly with other women in front of their girlfriends without any
sense of guilt.

Stereotypical clothing includes Moccasin-style slippers, ugg boots
(especially outdoors), tight black jeans, singlets, flannelette shirts (or
black jerseys and jeans in Waitakere) and prominent tattoos. Summer attire
typically features short, tight 'footy shorts', blue singlets and thongs
and sunnies. Tracksuits (somewhat anachronistic in the early 21st century)
are also occasionally worn by younger bogans, generally due to their low
cost.
Female bogans in New Zealand favour tight skinny-fit jeans, tie-dyed Jim
Beam t-shirts and bleached blonde hair. Loud and sometimes flourescent
colours in clothing are often worn by bogans and it is not uncommon to
find bogan men wearing normally taboo colours like pink. Bogans often get
heavily into recently outdated fashions ie; eyebrow piercing, von dutch
label clothing, etc.

Teleportation
Bogans are often stereotyped as driving loud, obnoxious cars of American or
(in Australia) Australian manufacture such as older model modified Holden
Commodores or Ford Falcons. The XF Falcon and VK Commodore are particularly
highly prized vehicles. Australians who are associated with bad or fast
driving can be labeled as a "hoon", a variation of the Bogan. In fact, the
term is so wide spread that the Western Australian, South Australian and
Tasmanian state governments have brought in what are known as 'Anti-Hoon'
laws to cut down on young males causing auto accidents by excessive speed
and street racing. New Zealand enacted similar laws in 2003 better known
as the "Boy Racer Act".

A Bogan's dwelling will typically contain a large number of cars in various
state of repair, invariably due to a lack of money. This phenomenon is
described in a scene taken from the hit Australian movie: "The Castle".

Dad: Steve, could you move the Camira, I need to get the Torana out so I
can get to the Commodore.
Steve: I'll have to get the keys to the Cortina if I'm gonna move that
Camira.
Dad: Yeah, watch the boat mate.
Steve: Yeah.

Habitats
Prominent Bogan locales:

Hamilton
Adelaide: Salisbury, Elizabeth
Brisbane: Logan, Sunnybank, Gailes, majority of Ipswich. Wether Ipswich is
a city filed with bogans or is simply a hole in the ground is still a
point under intensive debate.
Hobart: Bridgewater, Chigwell, Sorell, Claremont, Midway Point, Warrane,
Rokeby, Clarendon Vale, Mornington, Risdon Vale, Glenorchy, Gagebrook,
Moonah, Abbotsford, Rosetta, Goodwood, Doyle's House. It's actually easier
to list where bogans don't live in this quaint little town. The Tasmanian
government is still investigating whether such places exist. Generall
speaking, Hobart has the highest bogan density in Australia. (N.B. The
true understanding of a Bogan is not usually understood by persons living
outside of Tasmania)
Melbourne: Frankston, Geelong, Broadmeadows, Warneet.
Perth: Northern suburbs but since these have largely been taken over by the
Poms, and since bogans can't stand anyone who can't down a couple of VB's
for breakfast, they have begun a fascinating migration to the suburbs
surrounding the industrial zone of Kwinana, popular spot is Medina.
Gosnells is also popular...
Sydney: Doonside, Rooty Hill, Mt. Druitt, St. Marys, Redfern, Werrignton
and
Kingswood.
Canberra: Kambah, charnwood, latham.
The bogan capital of New Zealand is generally said to be Gore, a farming
town in Southland. Bogans converge at night in Gore's wide streets,
especially the centre parks in the main street. There has been steady civic
pressure to remove the parking in the middle of Gore's main street to end
its use as a bogan hangout. Invercargill and Christchurch also have large
bogan populations.

McDonalds restaurants are the hang-out of choice for many bogans, and they
will proudly display a loyalty discount sticker on the windscreen of their
cars, along with the obligatory pair of fuzzy dice from their rear-view
mirrors or figurines stuck on or near their car windows, such as garfield,
nodding dog, troll doll or a dancing Elvis.

Diet
The consumption of potent forms of alcohol features prominently in the
bogan lifestyle. Among those from Melbourne, Victoria Bitter beer would
undoubtedly be the most sought after type, (due to a combination of both
price and nationalistic associations). In New Zealand, Lion Red would be
chosen for the same reasons. However, several spirits including rum
(especially Bundy), bourbon, or Scotch whisky are also favoured, the
primary consideration being an acceptable expense/potency ratio. Although
cheap varieties of vodka also exist, it is seen as a female's drink and is
therefore usually avoided by males. Cask wine, or Goon as it is more
commonly known, is also favoured amongst the bogan population for its low
cost and large quantity. Other forms of cheap wine such as Passion Pop or
Spumante are a popular beverage for the younger bogan (12-14 years of age)
and is traditionaly the very first drink they get inebriated from.

Bourbon and coke ("bogan juice") also commands a noteworthy position in the
bogan's life. It is most commonly of the premixed variety, in half-litre
cans, and serves as lubricant for all of the bogan's social interactions.
As with some other groups, pubs are often seen as the bogan social centre,
and tend to be considered almost holy places.

Drug use
Besides alcohol and tobacco, bogan culture is not associated with any
particular drug, although methampthetamine and marijuana use is highly
popular (Sunbury, a minor bogan heartland in Victoria, was the scene of a
number of marijuana-related police raids during 2002-2003, before which
the sale of the drug in the suburb was semi-public and bordered on plague
proportions) and occasionally features in bogan popular culture such as
the film Mallboy.

Music
"Bogan rock" is an umbrella term for several artists and genres that
commonly includes some elements of psychedelia, heavy metal, Big-Hair
Rock,
or, in Australia, nearly any Australian rock band from the 1970s and 1980s.
In 2000 a Bogan Rock Festival was held in rural Victoria to some critical
and financial success, suggesting that the term's derogatory power is
becoming eroded.

In Australia, it is generally accepted that if a bogan national anthem were
to exist it would be the 1980's Jimmy Barnes/Cold Chisel classic, "Khe
Sanh", however due to the immense influence that Australian Rules Football
has on bogan culture, the song "Holy Grail" by Hunters and Collectors must
not avoid consideration. In Melbourne 'Run to Paradise' by the Choirboys is
generally considered the ultimate bogan anthem. In New Zealand, "Bliss"
(a.k.a. "Drink Yourself Wobbly") by Th' Dudes or most songs by The
Exponents hold comparable favour among the bogan population.

Compilations such as 2003's "Songs for my ute" and the subsequent "More
songs for my ute" both showcase the finest of Bogan Rock. More Recently
there has been a 2 CD collection dedicated solely to the Australian bogan
entitled "The All Time Greatest Bogan Songs".

Bogans in the 21st century have demonstrated a capacity to embrace music
genres beyond their traditional pub rock heritage. Recent bogan anthems
include dance tracks ("Addicted to Bass" by Josh Abrahams, "Voodoo Child"
by
Rogue Traders, remixed versions of pub rock classics) and releases by
Australian Idol contestants such as Shannon Noll. Bogans are also believed
to be the driving force behind the 2005 popularity of the Crazy Frog music
releases.

The lyrics to the song "Nobody Likes a Bogan" by Melbourne ska band Area 7
encapsulate and summarise virtually the entire bogan lifestyle. The band
also veered away from the traditional ska sound for which they are famed
in favour of a more Pub Rock sound for this song.

Prominent Australasian examples
The Australian singer Jimmy Barnes could almost certainly be considered the
prototypical bogan. His music is particularly prized among bogans, as his
lyrics tend to encapsulate the bogan perspective. He also comes from
Salisbury, South Australia (see above).
The television series Kath & Kim is an affectionate look at bogans.
Similarly, the cult television lifestyle series Blokesworld is an accurate
study and portrayal of "boganism" (or "blokedom", as the show refers to
it).
Bogan culture has also been a common subject in Australian stand-up and
sketch comedy, with comedian Chris Franklin]releasing a #1 single,
"Bloke",
a bogan's response to "" by American musician Meredith Brooks, and sung to
the same tune.
Australian actor Eric Bana became famous on an australian Sketch comedy TV
show called Full Frontal for his bogan character Poida (Peter). Poida was
so popular that he had his own chat show.
New Zealand comedy characters of "Lynn of Tawa", created by Ginette
McDonald, and "Neville Purvis", created by Arthur Baysting are popular
bogans while Ewen Gilmour's popularity as a stand-up comedian from West
Auckland is known as Ewen "Westie" Gilmour.
Chopper Read, a criminal famous for his executions of prominent Australian
underworld figures, also typifes the bogan culture, though is an extreme
example, as his murderous activities would suggest.
Shane Warne, Australian cricket player, famous for SMS flirtations and
womanising that caused the breakup of his marriage. Public drinking,
loutish behaviour and obscene gestures are commonplace for this man.
Despite constant problems with weight, Warne displays the typical bogan
behaviour of obsessive vanity and appearing on hairloss advertisements.
Russell Crowe, actor and member of the band 30 Odd Foot of Grunts is also
very much the epitome of an Aussie bogan. Demanding VB stubbies after the
Oscars, passion for bar brawls, love of Rugby League, flannellette shirts
and womanising are all tell tale signs.
Mark 'Jacko' Jackson, former AFL player for the Geelong Football Club
became a celebrity because of his penchant obscene gestures, handstands,
wearing singlets and crying Oi.
Warwick Capper, former AFL player for the Sydney Swans and Brisbane Bears
is categorised as a class-A bogan. His famous mullet, pink boots, tight
shorts and low IQ and penchant for blonde women and exposing himself on
reality television are all tell-tale signs.
Non-Australian bogans
Although not Australian, the following celebrities would qualify as bogan:

Ozzy Osborne
David Beckham
Michael Bolton
Billy Ray Cyrus
Wayne Rooney


 Click here


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From: Burnout
Cruel
 Click here
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 From: Burnout
 Click here

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From: Burnout
Mother-in-Law won't visit us because of the Dog !

 Click here

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 From: Diks
Boat launching for dummies
 Click here

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 Front Range Barbie
Rarely Seen African Blonde Antelope
 Click here

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 From: Kaos_reflex
How your mother-in-law should not be met! (Safe for work)
 Click here

 Barbie 50th Anniversary Video - (safe for work)
 Click here

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 From: Mad Mick from Marwick
 German photographer

 Click here

Enjoy these stunning photos put together by a Mr. Notley.

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 From: Stumpy Steve
A rare photo of the 1940 Tour de France

 Click here

You can't fix stupid ...
 Click here


      " YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID"


             Folks, Just remember as you read this,

            this person probably drives AND votes!

            And may have already reproduced!!!!!!!!


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 From: Whizzbang
  Here's the answer!!!

 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Spencer Tunick Album

 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
Russians don't have talent
 Click here

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 From: Whizzbang
 Volvo's Ute

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here


From: Whizzbang
How about this.
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

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From: Whizzbang
 FOTOS (SPORTS)
 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
 Sheep in NZ

 Click here

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From: Whizzbang
 World's Tightest Pair of Jeans - EVER!

 Click here

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 From: Whizzbang
Guess her age.................
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here


 See if you are able to guess her age correctly?

     (This is not a trick question!)

      Read all the way to the bottom for answer


      The answer         is......"who gives a sh*t "

 Which do you prefer?
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

 BECAUSE ALL THESE CLOTHES ARE NOW AVAILABLE @ KMART


 Tee shirts

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

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 From: anonymous

 Click here
BBC weather forecast from Radio 4 at lunchtime today. Worth a giggle.

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This is a groaner...

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant and is told by the maitre'd that
there will be at least a twenty minute wait, would he like to wait in the
bar. So he goes and has a seat at the bar.

The bartender walks up and says with a heavy accent, "What you rike dlink?"

The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."

The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once
upon time were FOUR rittle pigs..."



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[ End friday humour ]

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