Friday humour - June 26, 2009

From Burnout @ Bluehaze

This week marks the third year of the passing of the founder and chief
humorist of this site, Tony Sanderson.
As a contributor during Tony's' reign I add his great humanity to the
accolades he deserves.
Tony, through this site sent something of himself hundreds fold via
Bluehaze, he and I never met or dined together, we had conversations, we
shared humour and life through this medium of the internet.
The fact that FH continues is proof of his influence.
I for one miss him.


Has politics and politicians taken a turn for the worse in this country?

Tis an open question!

The Federal mob fighting over 'political integrity', surely a mutually
exclusive term these days..............
This lot up here (Qld), went to the polls telling us every things just
'hunky dory' & how wonderful things were, after all we just had 16 years of
a mining boom; then after the election we find the states' broke and in
deficit by 77 Bill...... The Auditor General of Queensland has just
released his third report highly critical of the mismanagement of the
state by the inc*mbent.

At least the State of Origin Series turned out as it should.

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So the fun this week comes from:
Anonymous, Biggus, Diks, Duke of Barsinov, Front Range Barbie, Kaos_reflex,
Mitta, Nottingham Smithie, Seasoldier, Stumpy Steve, Whizzbang, Zalaga &
Your ED sent in a few.

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Mitta takes up the cudgel:

Ross Greenwood of Money News
*******Here's one for Davo!*********
His mate Kev 300 billion has just signed onto this enormous debt, on behalf
of us all.
Thanks Kev!

From - Ross Greenwood of Money News

Right now the Federal Government is at pains to tell everyone - including
us the mug-punters to the International Monetary Fund that it will not
exceed its own, self-imposed, borrowing limits.  How much? $200 billion.
And here's a worry. If you work in a bank's money market operation; or if
you are a politician; the millions turn into billions and it rolls off the
tip of the tongue a bit too easily.

But every dollar that is borrowed, some time, has to be repaid. By you, by
me and by the rest of the country.

Just after 5 o'clock tonight I did a bit of maths for Jason Morrison. But
it's so staggering its worth repeating now. First though ... here's what
Chairman Rudd has been saying about - what he calls - these temporary
borrowings.  Remember those words ... temporary deficit ... but the total
Government debt could end up around $200 billion.

So here's a very basic calculation ... I used a home loan calculator to
work it out ... it's that simple.

$200 billion is $200,000 million. The current 10 year Government bond rate
is 4.67 per cent. I worked the loan out over a period of 20 years.

Now here's where it gets scary ... really scary.

The repayments on $200 billion come to more than one and a quarter billion
dollars - every month - for 20 years. It works out we - as taxpayers -
will be repaying $15.4 billion in interest and principal every year ...
$733 for every man woman and child - every year.

The total interest bill over the 20 years is - get this - $108 billion.

And remember, this is a Government that just 18 months ago had NO debt ...
NO debt. In fact it had enough money to create the Future Fund to pay the
future liabilities of public servants' superannuation ... and it had
enough to stick $20 billion into the Building Australia Fund last year ...

Money News
Ross Greenwood Presenter


I've just gone off my breakfast.


(Cop that - Davo! Many have tried to hit Davo with the Cudgel over the
years!
He has a bruise or two, he fights on valiantly - ED)

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A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section
of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her
nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed
again,
took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming
that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the
shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As
before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than
before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I
couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wipe your nose
and then shudder violently. Are you ok?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition;
whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never
heard of that condition before " he said. "Are you taking anything for
it?"


The woman nodded, "PEPPER."

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Bill was stopped by a game warden in North Carolina as he was returning to
his motor home with a bucket full of still-alive fish.

"Do you have a license to catch those fish?", the game warden asked.

"No, sir. These are my pet fish", the man replied.

"Pet fish"? the warden asked.

"Yes sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake where I camped and
let them swim around for awhile. When they hear my whistle, they jump right
back into the bucket and I take them back to the motor home."

"That's a bunch of baloney," the game warden said as he reached for his pad
of citations.

The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "If you don't
believe me, then follow me back to the lake to see how it works".

Still suspicious, but curious, the game warden agreed.

So they walked to the lake. There, the man poured the fish into the lake,
where they disappeared into the water.

"Okay, said the warden. "Call them back."

"Call who back?"

"The fish," replied the warden.

"What fish"? asked the man.

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How old are  your balls.........(golf balls).
(Shamelessly stolen from the Titleist Web Site by the evil 'Diks')

Did you know?

Frequently Asked Questions
QUESTION
How long do golf balls last? What conditions should they be stored under to
maximize life span?
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Today's Titleist golf balls can be safely stored for five years or even
more, as long as they're kept away from excessive heat. Attics and cars,
for example, can get very hot during the summer and can dramatically
shorten a ball's life. Normal indoor conditions should be fine for
storage.

You should also consider that golf ball technology is improving rapidly, so
if you're playing balls that were made more than a couple of years ago, you
may be missing out on improvements that have been made to that model, not
to mention completely new models.

QUESTION
How high should I tee the golf ball?
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Although largely a matter of preference, teeing height is one of the
factors that can affect a player's launch angle. The optimum ball flight
is characterized by a high initial launch angle and flat downrange flight.
A player whose launch angle is too low may want to try teeing the ball
higher to optimize launch conditions.

A player may also benefit from altering the teeing height depending on the
particular shot that is faced. Many players will tee the ball higher in
instances where greater carry distance is required and lower when playing
that demand greater accuracy. Please click on the following link to view
our complete library of playing tips from the pros in our Tips from the
Tour section.

QUESTION Why are the numbers on golf balls red and black?
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS Back in the days when golf balls were available
in a choice of compressions, it was our convention to use red player
numbers on the 90 compression versions and black numbers on the 100s.
Today,
however, the compression of a golf ball is engineered into the product to
produce a specific set of playing characteristics. Thus, compression
options are no longer offered, so the colour of the player number is just
an aesthetic decision on our part.

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Dear Mum & Dad,

Our Scout Leader told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood
on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping
bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all
up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write
because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue 4WDs.
It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been
for the lightning.

Scout Leader Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without
telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so
he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put petrol on a
fire, the petrol will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our
clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Sat*rday if Scout Leader Keith gets the bus fixed. It
wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. 
Scout Leader Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect
something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty and if it's
hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bull bar. It gets pretty hot with 45
people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer
until the highway patrol policeman stopped and talked to us.

Scout Leader Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In
fact,
he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't
any cops. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to
the rapids. Scout Leader Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and
Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, it's concrete because
we didn't have any plaster, so he let us take the canoe out. It was great.
You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scout Leader Keith isn't crabby like some scout leaders. He didn't even get
mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the
bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When
Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet
works.

Steven and I threw up, but Scout Leader Keith said it probably was just
food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way
with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scout
leader. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he
was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters & buy some more
beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my
turn to sleep in the Scout Leader's tent.

Love, Jimmie.

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THE WEDDING NIGHT

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon,

so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night
together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his
breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and
Mary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!

Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,

'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

She replies, 'No.'

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!

Eat your lunch and go back to school '

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,

'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mom says, 'No.'

He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'

He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...

I gave him my airplane glue


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Ascot Vale delicatessen has a new coffee on its menu.  It's the Des Moran
espresso.  It only has 3 shots, costs tuppence & is guaranteed to blow
your head off.

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A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old)
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to Examine a ten-year-old Irish
Wolfhound named Belker.
The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were
all very attached to Belker,and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer.  I told the family we
couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia
procedure for the old dog in their home.  As we made arrangements, Ron and
Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to
observe the procedure.  They felt as though Shane might learn something
from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family
surrounded him.  Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last
time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.

Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.  The little boy
seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. 
We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the
sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.  Shane, who had
been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him.  What came out of his mouth next stunned
me.
I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.  He said, "People are born
so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody
all the time and being nice, right?" The six-year-old continued, "well,
dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure
Ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.  Persevere.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them
gently.
Love unconditionally and forgive frequently.

(There may be something to all this, however in my experience a Dog is
generally interested in two things: his gut & what hangs off it. - ED)

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Zuma is walking down the street with his new dog, a little fox terrier.

He meets up with Helen who says: "Ah, what a sweet little terrier, what's
his name?"

Zuma replies: "I haven't named him yet. I just got him and I still have to
decide on a name. Any suggestions?"

Helen thinks for a while then says "Why don't you call him Tuckshop?"

Zuma says "Hmm strange name, but thanks for the suggestion."

He carries on walking and sees Kgalema who says: "Nice fox terrier, what's
his name?"

Zuma explains that he has no name for him as yet, but that Helen had
suggested Tuckshop.

Zuma and Kgalema stand there very puzzled at this strange name that Helen
suggested.
Eventually they decide to go and look the name up in the dictionary and see
if it has any significant meaning.

In the dictionary it read: TUCKSHOP - a small CAFETERIA.


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HILLBILLY DIVORCE

A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. ?
The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?'
The farmer replied, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.'
The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?'
The farmer replied, 'Yes, I got 40 acres.'
The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand. ?Do you have a suit?
The farmer replied, 'Yes, I got a suit. ?I wears it to church on Sundays.'
The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, do you have a case?'
The farmer replied, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere.
The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?'
The farmer replied, 'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John
Deere.'
The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?'
The farmer replied, 'No, we both get up at 4:30.'
By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question. The
lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?'
The farmer said, 'No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a
nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce.' ?

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AUSTIN POWERS PICKUP LINES

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.
2. Nice legs...what time do they open?
3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking
to you.
7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have
you seen one?
8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
9. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you
all day long for a quarter.
11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light
switch away.
15. Are those real?
16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for
that thing you do with your tongue.
18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
19. (Look down at your crotch) Well, it's not just going to suck itself.
20. You know, if I were you, I'd have s*x with me.
21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
22. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?
23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
24. My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
26. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
29. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.
30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been
drinking?
31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we
could do it in public.
32. Wanna come over for some pizza and s*x? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?
34. Baby, I'm an American Express lover....you shouldn't go home without
me.
35. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???
36. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.
37. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this
cheap motel room.
38. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet
clothes.

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As they say - Life's a bitch then you marry one ...........

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She found the most perfect shoes in
the first shop, a beautiful dress in the second. In the third everything
had just been reduced 50 percent, when her mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a
terrible car accident and was in a critical condition and was in the ICU.

The woman told the doctor to tell her husband that she'd be there as soon
as possible. When she hung up she realized she was leaving what was
shaping up to be her best day ever shopping in these boutiques, so she
decided to just look in two or three more before heading to the hospital.

Anyhow she ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip
with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake compliments of the
last shop. She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband.

Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the
corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared
at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't
you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four
hours enjoying yourself shopping, your husband has been languishing in the
Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because
it's likely be the last shopping trip you will ever make! For the rest of
his life he will require round the clock care. And he will now be your
responsibility!'

The woman felt so guilty she broke down and cried.

The lady doctor then laughed and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg. He's
dead. Show me what you bought.'

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Hot Tubs & Pushy Neighbours

I put a hot tub in our back garden last summer and from that point on,
the neighbours think they have an open invitation to use it whenever they
please.

The other night we were trying to enjoy our dinner and all the neighbours
were in our hot tub making a hell of a  noise,
shouting at us to come and join them.
Like they were inviting us to join them in our own hot tub!
Last night we wanted to go to bed early, and they had our back garden light
on and were holding a party.
'Come on in!' they shouted at us, we just wanted to get some shut eye.
Jane wants me to say something to them but I said, 'No.'
As I do not want to offend them.
We just have to learn to tolerate their rude behaviour.

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Time for some AV fun now, this week sent in by:
Anonymous, Billm, Diks, Duke of Barsinov, Front Range Barbie, Mitta,
Muse, Nottingham Smithie, Stumpy Steve, Whizzbang


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A WOMAN NEEDS FOUR ANIMALS

 Click here

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British Commercial

 Click here


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Mexican Firing Squad

 Click here

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WATCH THIS GUY DRAW

 Click here

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Put off the Wedding....

 Click here


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The Back up

 Click here


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Stiff Neck

 Click here

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Italian TV Sports Presenter

 Click here

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You are so predictable.

 Click here


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You sold WHAT?

 Click here

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1950 Chevy Coupe-Great Auto History

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

 1950 Chevrolet Club Coupe -- 437 original, actual miles! 

 Now here is a car with a story

                          Purchased new by Mr. and Mrs. Jessie Trueblood of
Modesto, California. Shortly after purchasing this car, Mr. Trueblood took
a day off to go fishing. While waiting for the big one to bite he
witnessed a woman fall out of her boat. Mr. Trueblood jumped in to help,
only to fall victim of a fatal heart attack. Mrs. Trueblood returned the
car home and placed it in the garage for the next 12 years. The odometer
reading at that time (1962) was 413 miles.

                          Mrs. Trueblood lived next door to a used car lot
owned by Mr. William E. Wilson (now 81 years old). Mr. Wilson spoke with
her frequently and often told her he would like to buy the car for himself
to keep. In 1962 the time had come. Mrs. Trueblood told Mr. Wilson she
needed a car for her bookkeeper who didnt really care for the old Chevy
and would prefer a Rambler. No problem. Mr. Wilson went down to the local
Rambler dealer and bought a brand new one for $1,650.00 ($100.00 over
cost) and made the swap.

                          He then took the car home and parked it with 433
actual miles. And there it sat for the next 45 years, occasionally being
started and moved in and out of the garage. In 2007 Mr. Wilson decided to
sell the car and started spreading the word around Modesto that the old
Chevy with 433 miles on it was for sale. Many had heard about the car, but
hardly anyone had ever laid eyes on it. In fact, according to Mr. Wilson
he believes he only showed the car to about 5 people in 45 years. Word
spread quickly about the car and soon a buyer arrived ready and willing to
pay the $60,000.00 asking price. When Mr. Wilson told me the story of this
car he complained heavily of the capital gains tax he was required to pay
and wished he had never sold it. As of this writing, Mr. Wilson is still
alive and well in Modesto and can verify the miles and originality of this
car.
Simply put, this is a true 100% factory original survivor (that includes
the air in the tires).

                          This old Chevy now has 437 original miles and is
most likely the worlds lowest mileage 1950 Chev.


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A Perfect Gift for Golfers...........

 Click here


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Great Photos

 Click here


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First sign your kid may have swine flu

 Click here


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The New Single Seat VW.....

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

New ride

If you could go to Shanghai for a vacation, buy two or more of these cars,
one for your wife and one for yourself, and one for each of your kids, have
them shipped to Canada and still spend less money than if you bought a car
in Canada. Getting the car(s) into USA , still an ordeal.

This is not a toy, not a concept car. It is a newly developed single seat
car in highly aerodynamic tear-shape road-proven real car. It is ready to
be launched as a single-seater for sale in Shanghai in 2010 for a mere RMB
4,000 (US$600)!

Interested? Wait till you learn that it will cruise at 100-120 Km/Hr with
an unbelievable 0.99litre/100Km (258 miles/gallon) !!

Impressed? Totally, after you have read all the details below about the
hi-tech and space-age material input into this car!!!

The Most Economic Car in the World will be on sale next year

Better than Electric Car - 258 miles/gallon: IPO 2010 in Shanghai

This is a single seated car

From conception to production: 3 years and the company is headquartered in
Hamburg, Germany .

Will be selling for 4000 yuan, equivalent to US$600..

Gas tank capacity = 1.7 gallons

Speed = 62 - 74.6 Miles/hour

Fuel efficiency = 258 miles/gallon

Travel distance with a full tank = 404 miles

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American Flag Etiquette

This is July 4th weekend and a lot of folks will be displaying the American
Flag.  This is important to know how to display it proudly and correctly.


 Too many want to argue politics these days.  Really, isn't patriotism
where we ought to focus our attention?

     We've heard many times about how  to fold a flag properly.  But, did
anyone ever show you how  to unfold a flag properly?

We have  several patriotic holidays coming up, so this is important.

Make sure you take the proper
 steps and in the proper order.

Otherwise things might
 not come out right!


First:  Locate Your Flag...
 Click here

Second:  Firmly Grasp the Edges.... and Pull, Slightly....
 Click here

Lastly...
Observe...  In Quiet Reverence.....
 Click here

Now, don't you feel a lot more patriotic?

Feel free to share these guidelines with other patriots who might be
interested in the proper observance of tradition.


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Michelin Safety Tips XX   (never knew I had so little knowledge of
Tyres - ED)

 Click here

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Chinese Swan Lake - (Such kulture on FH - ED)

 Click here


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Are they or aren't they?

In each of the following photos, try to guess who is a girl and who is a
guy?

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

There are 6 pictures, pick left or right.


        A N S W E R S


        All of them are GUYS ! !

(all ya gals out there have some serious competition)

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The Japanese Toilet - the high tech thunderbox the dunny with a difference.

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here

The Japanese Toilet


Well one can't have a trip to Japan without the inevitable conversation
about toilets!!!


The first thing that grabs your attention upon seeing the right royal
oriental throne is that it has a large panel of controls on one side next
to the seat.

O, my goodness, what do all these buttons mean? Pictures showing musical
notes, and bottoms having a fountain under them to name just two.


But upon sitting down and discovering that the experience now has added
warmth on a place that you never knew was cold to start with, it brings a
new dimension to getting relief!!! What's more you can even set the
temperature setting for you regular visits to be certain that it's all
done in the most absolute comfort.

Of course whilst having such a lovely sit and warm up you can't help but
start wondering what all the controls are actually for.

I mean there's a button for music, or water sound effects, I mean you don't
want anyone to hear what's going on in the bathroom do you?

And now this leads me to wondering what the Japanese do that's so different
to the rest of us to actually need music or special effects in the first
place.

Next comes the rinse mode available in varying degrees of water pressure
and temperature.. there's bound to be something to please the most
discerning of user. Some even come with a pulsating rinse mode..to really
cut into the job!!!  No more fudge marks on that clean underwear!!!

Lastly there is the exhaust fan that is built into some of the more deluxe
models and I was at a total loss as to how it managed to remove any
offensive odour down the cistern without some kind of exhaust pipe!!!! I
mean really!  What really starts to amaze you is when you go to the public
toilets and find one of these amazing thrones, and not only that, the
person before you has taken great delight in folding the toilet paper so
it looks like some origami specialist has been there before you and got it
all ready for the  special event.


Of course after flushing and moving to the hand basin to wash your hands
there is another set of gadgets to learn. How to get the automatic soap to
work and yes even the tap turns on automatically when you put your hands
under it.  Now I'm beginning to think that I'm missing out on something at
home!!!


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Best Pool Shot by a Naked White Chick......

 Click here


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RickinBali

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests spotted an
attractive man standing alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, ’Hello. My name is Carmen.'

'That's a beautiful name' he replied. 'Is it a family name?'

'No' she replied. 'Actually I gave it to myself. It represents the things
that I enjoy the most - cars and men.

'What's your name?'

  'B.J. Titsengolf.'

Redneck Inventions:
 Click here

Some pics attached.

Got a rusty tool try this.

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From: Front Range Barbie  Subject: A fun lilttle animation for you.


 Click here
nbecker.swf


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From: Whizzbang
+++ Subject: Moyer Made - Projects: 1/6th Scale Chevrolet V8 +++ Content:
This is amazing how clever modelers are


 Click here


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I'll give you a clue. That's not a marriage license they're holding.

 Click here


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xVuNrPlHdlksujjdqD8BIVRgo1_500

 Click here


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Dental commercial

 Click here


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A Creation Story--- (XX - ED)

 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here

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Slightly Insane

 Click here


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World's Scariest License Plate Number

World's Scariest License Plate Number
You might try to pass her, but I sure wouldn't honk my horn.

 Click here

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Amazing Invention

 Click here


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Rangas know how to dance...

 Click here


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Financial Crisis !

Financial Crisis!
The Question of the Day is...
The question all the Markets are asking!!!!!
Will the Dollar fall or not???

The moral is be a Tight Ass.

 Click here


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How To Fail A Breath Test . . . .

 Click here


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Bandsaw

 Click here


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The 6 Most Terrifying Foods in the World (this is a must read)

 Click here


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Makes sense

 Click here

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Ambulance service introduces Trained Dogs to do CPR...

Breathe dam you, BREATHE!

 Click here


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Mt Rushmore from the Canadian Side

 Click here


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Happy & Sad

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and
mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said,

"Honey, that's a bunch of crap, I bet you can't tell me anything that will
make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "You have the biggest d*ck out of all your friends."


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Quote of the Week:

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm
happy.
I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?

Charles Schultz.

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[ End friday humour ]

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