Friday humour - April 17, 2009

From Burnout at Bluehaze.

Thanks to Steve who stepped into the breach two weeks ago when I found
myself bobbing around on a dive boat during the Storm up here in Brisbane;
on Thursday morning before first light we headed out from the relative
safety of the Northern tip of Moreton Island right into the teeth of 50
knot
East South Easter & rather large 6 meter seas.
The Wind speeds were being automatically recorded at Cape Moreton so I had
reason to believe their accuracy. I wont bother telling you all about what
was going on between decks, needless to say we found ourselves at the
Tangalooma Wrecks in short order.

Anyhow on with the fun!
This weeks stuff has been served up by:-

Your ED, Cartographer Chris, Duke of Barsinov, Kaos_reflex, Moose,
Seasoldier,

Stumpy Steve, Whizzbang, Zalaga,


A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started
her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After
a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think
you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing
there all by yourself!'

* * * * * * * * * * *


Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her
face. 'Why do you do that, mummy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,'
said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's
the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'


* * * * * * * * * * *


The maths teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said,
'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied,
'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'


* * * * * * * * * * *


Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the
10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and
asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the
policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Little Johnny
asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'


* * * * * * * * * * *


Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his
father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the
horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad,
why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying
horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before
I buy. Johnny,
looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the Telstra guy wants to buy Mum.'

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I called the Italian Embassy today to offer my wife's assistance after the
earthquake.
She's great at finding faults.

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School Answering Machine.

This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended!

This is the message that the Maroochydore High School , Queensland staff
voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.
This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came
about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to
be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's
failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were
absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school
work to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please
listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your
newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be Accountable
and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that
it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and
have a nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

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A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.

The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?'
The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.'
The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.
His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, 'OK, so how
many sales did you make today?'

The Aussie said 'One!'

The manager groaned and continued, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20
or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale for?'
'£124,237.64p.'

The manager choked and exclaimed £124,23764!!   What the hell did you sell
him?'
'Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and then
I sold him a new fishing rod.'
'Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast,
so I told him he would need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine
Power Cat.'
'Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him
down  to car sales and I sold him the 4x4.

The manager, incredulous, said, 'You mean to tell me...a guy came in here
to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?'
'No, no, no... he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend
and I said...

'Well, since your weekend's buggered, you might as well go fishing.'

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I'm SOOOOO in trouble with the wife.
 
The other day I refused to open the car door for her.
 
Things peeved me off so much that...................all I could do was swim
to the surface.
 
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At a recent University a competition was run, which allowed the winner a
trip to Europe and the UK, with all expenses paid.
To win this competition a single word had to be given to this Professor of
Languages, The Professor was to use the word in a sentence - any sentence
within 1/2 an hour. 
If the Professor couldn't use the word the contestant won the trip.
To make it even more interesting, the competition was shown live on
television.
 
Contestant after contestant placed themselves on a chair opposite the
Professor, and gave forth word after word.  Sadly, each one was
disappointed as the Professor used each and every word in a sentence.
 
This one contestant came forward.  Imagine the scenario like "Who wants to
be a millionaire" or similar.
 
The one word the contestant put forward, "Garn."
 
Well the Professor was stumped, he sweated, scratched his head, and
anguished over that word.
 
Time passed and the contestant won.  TV cameras beamed onto him and he was
asked to use the word in a sentence, as he had to prove it actually could
be used.   
The contestant thus, on live camera footage, quoted clearly, "Garn get
f*cked."
 
Well, the floodgates of complaints poured in, but to no avail.  This
contestant had won fair and square.
He thus went away on his trip.
Some 12 months later the University decided to run the same competition, on
the same terms, but only on considerable vetting of the contestants.
 
All went well with each eligible contestant being easily eliminated by the
Professor.   
That was until this long haired, bearded and considerably filthy contestant
stumped the Professor with the word, "Smee."
The Professor was stumped and the contestant won the trip. 
Again there was the live television footage, and the contestant had to show
that the word "smee" could be used in a sentence.
 
There, on live TV, the contestant ripped of the fake beard and yelled out,
"Smee again, garn get f*cked."
 
Now we all know why ALL TV programmes are recorded BEFORE transmission:

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This is no JOKE if you are still unsure put Aspartame into Google


SWEET POISON
A MUST READ
In October of 2001, my sister started getting very sick. She had stomach
spasms and she was having a hard time getting around.  Walking was a major
chore. It took everything she had just to get out of bed;
she was in so much pain. By March 2002, she had undergone several tissue
and muscle biopsies and was on 24 various prescription medications.  The
doctors could not determine what was wrong with her. She was in so much
pain, and so sick she just knew she was dying. She put her house, bank
accounts, life   insurance, etc.,  in her oldest daughter's name, and made
sure that her younger children were to be taken care of.
She also wanted her last hooray, so she planned a trip to Florida
(basically in a  wheelchair) for March 22nd .
On March 19 I called her to ask how her most recent tests went, and she
said they didn't find anything on the test, but they believed she had
MS.
I recalled an article a friend of mine e-mailed to me and I asked my sister
if she drank diet soda. She told me that she did.  As a matter of fact, she
was getting ready to crack one open that moment.
I told her not to open it, and to stop drinking the diet soda!
I e-mailed her the article my friend, a lawyer, had sent.
My sister called me within 32 hours after our phone conversation and told
me she had stopped drinking the diet soda AND she could walk!  The muscle
spasms went away. She said she didn't feel 100% but she sure felt a lot
better. She told me she was going to her doctor with this article and
would call me when she got home.
Well, she called me, and said her doctor was amazed! He is going to call
all of his MS patients to find out if they consumed artificial sweeteners
of any kind. This is also found in all chewing gum and most flavored
yogurt. Yes - read the ingredients. You need to and have a right to know
too. It is aspartame poisoning.
In a nutshell, she was being poisoned by the Aspartame in the diet soda . .
and literally dying a slow and miserable death.
When she got to Florida March 22, all she had to take was one pill, and
that was a pill for the Aspartame poisoning! She is well on her way to a
complete recovery.
And she is walking! No wheelchair! This article saved her life.
If it says 'SUGAR FREE' on the label; DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
I have spent several days lecturing at the WORLD ENVIRONMENTAL
CONFERENCE on 'ASPARTAME,' marketed as 'NutraSweet,' 'Equal,' and
'Spoonful.'
In the keynote address by the EPA, it was announced that in the United
States in 2001 there was an epidemic of multiple sclerosis and systemic
lupus. It was difficult to determine exactly what toxin was causing this
to be rampant.
I stood up and said that I was there to lecture on exactly that subject.

I will explain why Aspartame is so dangerous: when the temperature of this
sweetener exceeds 86 degrees F, the wood alcohol in ASPARTAME converts to
formaldehyde and then to formic acid, which in turn causes metabolic
acidosis. Formic acid is the poison found in the sting of fire ants. The
methanol toxicity mimics, among other conditions, multiple sclerosis and
systemic lupus. Many people were being diagnosed in error.
Although multiple sclerosis is not a death sentence, Methanol toxicity is!
Systemic lupus has become almost as rampant as multiple sclerosis,
especially with Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi drinkers.  The victim usually does
not know that the Aspartame is the culprit. He or she continues its use;
irritating the lupus to such a degree that it may become a
life-threatening condition.
We have seen patients with systemic lupus become asymptomatic, once taken
off diet sodas.
In cases of those diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, most of the symptoms
disappear. We've seen many cases where vision loss returned and hearing
loss improved markedly.
This also applies to cases of tinnitus and fibromyalgia.
During a lecture, I said, 'If you are using ASPARTAME (NutraSweet,
Equal, Spoonful, etc.) and you suffer from fibromyalgia symptoms,
spasms, shooting pains, numbness in your legs, cramps, vertigo,
dizziness,  headaches, tinnitus, joint pain, unexplainable depression,
anxiety attacks, slurred speech, blurred vision, or memory loss, you
probably have ASPARTAME poisoning!'
People were jumping up during the lecture saying, 'I have some of these
symptoms. Is it reversible?'
Yes! Yes! Yes! STOP drinking diet sodas and be alert for Aspartame on food
labels! Many products are fortified with it!  This is a serious problem.
Dr. Espart (one of my speakers)  remarked that so many people seem to be
symptomatic for MS and during his recent visit to a hospice, a nurse
stated that six of her friends, who were heavy Diet Coke addicts, had all
been diagnosed with MS. This is beyond coincidence!
Diet soda is NOT a diet product! It is a chemically altered, multiple
SODIUM (salt) and ASPARTAME containing product that actually makes you
crave carbohydrates.  It is far more likely to make you GAIN weight!
These products also contain formaldehyde, which stores in the fat cells,
particularly in the hips and thighs.  Formaldehyde is an absolute toxin and
is used primarily to preserve 'tissue specimens.' Many products we use
every day contain this chemical but we SHOULD NOT store it IN our body!
Dr. H. J. Roberts stated in his lectures that once free of the 'diet
products,' and with no significant increase in exercise, his patients lost
an average of 19 pounds over a trial period.
Aspartame is especially dangerous for diabetics.
We found that some physicians, who believed that they had a patient with
retinopathy, in fact, had symptoms caused by Aspartame.
The Aspartame drives the  blood sugar out of control. Thus diabetics may
suffer acute memory loss due to the fact that aspartic acid and
phenylalanine are NEUROTOXIC when taken without the other amino acids
necessary for a good balance.
Treating diabetes is all about BALANCE. Especially with diabetics, the
Aspartame passes the blood/brain barrier and it then deteriorates the
neurons of the brain; causing various levels of brain damage, seizures,
depression, manic depression, panic attacks, uncontrollable anger and rage.
Consumption of Aspartame causes these same symptoms in non-diabetics as
well.
Doc*mentation and observation also reveal that thousands of children
diagnosed with ADD and ADHD have had complete turnarounds in their
behavior when these chemicals have been removed from their diet. So called
'behavior modification prescription drugs' (Ritalin and others) are no
longer needed. Truth be told, they were never NEEDED in the first place! 
Most of these children were being 'poisoned' on a daily basis with the
very foods that were 'better for them than sugar.'
It is also suspected that the Aspartame in thousands of pallets of diet
Coke and diet Pepsi consumed by men and women fighting in the Gulf War,
may be partially to blame for the well-known Gulf War Syndrome.
Dr. Roberts warns that it can cause birth defects, i.e. mental retardation,
if taken at the time of conception and during early pregnancy.
Children are especially at risk for neurological disorders and should
NEVER be given artificial sweeteners.  There are many different case
histories to relate of children suffering grand mal seizures and other
neurological disturbances.  Talk about a plague of neurological diseases
directly caused by the use of this deadly poison.
Herein lies the problem:
There were Congressional Hearings when Aspartame was included 100 different
products and strong objection was made concerning its use.
Since this initial hearing, there have been two subsequent hearings, and
still nothing has been done. The drug and chemical lobbies have very deep
pockets.
Sadly, MONSANTO'S patent on Aspartame has EXPIRED!
There are now over 5,000 products on the market that contain this deadly
chemical and there will be thousands more introduced.  Everybody wants a
'piece of the Aspartame pie.' I assure you that MONSANTO, the creator of
Aspartame, knows how deadly it is.
And isn't it ironic that MONSANTO funds, among others, the American
Diabetes Association, the American Dietetic Association and the
Conference of the American College of Physicians?
This has been recently exposed in the New York Times.
These [organizations] cannot criticize any additives or convey their link
to MONSANTO because they take money from the food industry and are
required to endorse their products.
Senator Howard Metzenbaum wrote and presented a bill that would require
label warnings on products containing Aspartame, especially regarding
pregnant women, children and infants.  The bill would also institute
independent studies on the known dangers and the problems existing in the
general population regarding seizures, changes in brain chemistry,
neurological changes and behavioral symptoms.
The bill was killed.
It is known that the powerful drug and chemical lobbies are responsible for
this, letting loose the hounds of disease and death on an unsuspecting and
uninformed public. Well, you're Informed now! YOU HAVE
A RIGHT TO KNOW!
Please print this out and/or e-mail to your family and friends. They have a
right to know too.

(I wonder - ED)

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A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says,
"Two Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!!!
So many men dying that way!"
Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there
is always that risk involved."
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a
Brazilian?"

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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,

waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,

checked his weight, and being a little concerned,

asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and

rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional

and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,

'No wonder this baby is underweight.

You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said,

'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'


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Gynaecologist Visit

A beautiful woman went to the gynaecologist. The doctor took one look at
the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately
told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he
asked her, 'Do you know what I am doing?'
'Yes,' she replied, 'You are checking for abrasions or dermatological
abnormalities.'


'That's right,' said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
'Do you know what I am doing now?' he asked.
'Yes,' she said, 'You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast
cancer.'


'Correct,' replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and
started having s*xual intercourse with her. He asked,
'Do you know what I am doing now?'
'Yes,' she said, 'You're getting herpes: which is why I came here in the
first place.'


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Who said Scots Romance is dead! These are REAL ADS from the lonely-hearts
column.


   Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone,
Gemini,
seeks nimble s*xpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions,
candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion.  Must have own car
and be willing to travel. Box 09/08


   Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered.
Box06/03


   Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous s*x addict interested in
pints, cigs, Celtic football club and starting scraps on Sauchiehall Street
at three in the morning. Box 73/82 .


   Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by longtime fiancée
seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this
cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box /41


   Ginger-haired Paisley troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a
few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more
Box 84/87


   Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach,
writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks
mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along
like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong
stomach essential Box 12/32


   Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include
cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions.
References required. No timewasters. Box 3/45


   Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the
ar*e end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big
chest.
Box 40/27


   Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and
dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs
in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon. Box 52/07


   Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition
at Frampton's Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man
who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and
listening to old Abba records. Please, Please! Box 30/41


   Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the
night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm


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also it ain't the only time before 3009

05:06:07 08/09/10

and also  06:07:08 09/10/11

and 07:08:09 10/11/12

bloody yanks - can't get anything right - the original was American


AT 5 MINUTES AND 6 SECONDS AFTER 4 A.M.  ON THE 7th OF AUGUST THIS YEAR THE
TIME  AND DATE WILL BE:

04:05:06     07/08/09

THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN UNTIL THE YEAR 3009. . . . .

   (I had a deep feeling that you just needed to know this.)

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A History Lesson*

*The years 1981 & 2005 are two interesting years*

In 1981
 1. Prince Charles got married.
 2. Liverpool was crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
 3.  Australia lost the Ashes.
 4. The Pope Died

In 2005
 1. Prince Charles got married.
 2. Liverpool was crowned soccer Champions of Europe  3. Australia lost the
Ashes tournament.
 4. The Pope Died


What does history teach us?  What is the lesson learned?

The next time Charlie intends to get married, someone better warn the Pope.


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Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born
without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was
invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little
Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the
baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get  the smacking
of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he
understood completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The
mother said, "Why, thank you, Little  Johnnie.

Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a
cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will
have 20/20 vision."

"That's great", said Little Johnnie, "coz he'd be f*cked if he needed
glasses"


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THE SCOTSMAN'S GUIDE TO MAKING LOVE:

PREPARATION


Friday night is very much love-night for the Scottish man. Arriving back
from the pub,
having partaken of the traditional aphrodisiac 12 pints, a white pudding
supper and 3 pickled onions - his mind is set on one thing - LOVE! Or as
he says, "Ma nookie!"


His lust at fever pitch after the sensuous excitement of a hard night's
dominoes, he approaches his beloved wife, enticing her with gentle words
of passion, "Any chance of ma hole?"

The good lady in question, perhaps over excited by the erotic smell of
stale beer or the sensuous vision of pickled onions sticking to his chin,
is at first somewhat reluctant. This coy reluctance is expressed with the
flirtatious reply, "Awa tae f*ck, ya bampot, ye!"


FOREPLAY


Foreplay is very important indeed. This basically consists of the male
casting off his lightly soiled Y-fronts provocatively at his wife, usually
landing skid-mark side down, as he approaches the bed singing the ancient
Gaelic fertility chant, "Here we go,
here we go, here we go." Upon reaching the bed, he comments proudly on his
rampant 8 incher.
This is a classic example of alcohol-induced double vision.

INITIAL PROBLEMS

After 12 pints, sometimes the man's member is a trifle reluctant to
extended itself (literally). Impotence is very much a blow to the man's
self-esteem and the wife has to be very tactful. She will offer gentle and
sensitive words of encouragement such as,
"Ya useless bastard," or possibly, "I'll tell ye wan thing... it never
happens tae ra Milkman."


FELLATIO


Oral is a great favorite of the Scotsman. He approaches his wife with a
cheeky invitation, "How'd ye like tae pit yer teeth roon this Daphne?"
Although the lady's name is not
Daphne, she will nod willingly and point suggestively to her falsies
smiling happily on the bedside tumbler. "Guan yersel," she says, "jist
dinnae bother me."


DOWN TO BUSINESS


Eventually the moment comes to consummate their tender love. Again, alcohol
induced double vision is an important factor as the man decides which of
his willies to use for penetration. Sometimes in his excitement he may
suffer from severe premature ejaculation. A phenomenon he explains to his
wife using the poetic phrase, "Fuck me, I've shoat ma load." If this does
occur, it is essential he makes up for disappointing his wife by uttering
tender and loving compliments such as, perhaps, informing her that she's
the nicest woman he's ever come across.


An imaginative lover, the Scotsman, possibly having read that women like to
be spoken dirty to, says such things as, "Shite, ar*ehole." The woman is
speechless. The man is now thrusting away, his mind a kaleidoscope of
jumbled erotic thoughts. The woman wonders if she should repaint the
ceiling. Sometimes she utters a word of encouragement such as, "Are you
sure its in?" given his level of s*xual expertise, the Scotsman's ideal
partner should be a versatile lover specialising in the faked orgasm. This
takes the form of a breathless shout,
"Ooyah, ooyah, gallus big man." Eventually it's all over. The man rolls
over, wipes his d*ck on her nightie falls asleep and commences snoring
like a pig.


Aye, there's no doubt about it, there's no one in the world performs quite
like a
Scotsman - a veritable prince in the kingdom of s*x.

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The Cork


Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb
making class in
Melbourne , when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his ar*e.


If you do not mind me saying," stated the second,
"that cork looks very uncomfortable.
Why don't you take it out?"

I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab.
"It is permanently stuck in my ar*e."

"I do not understand," said the other.


The first Arab says,
"I was walking along Russell Street And I tripped over an oil lamp.
There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in Australian Flag
attire with a white beard and Akurbra hat came boiling out.
He said, "I am Captain Ozzie, the Genie. I can grant you one wish."

I said, "No sh*t?"

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That last one was a corker - now it's on to the AV stuff now, delivered to
you by:

Your ED, Anonymous, David from Gymea, Muse, Nottingham Smithie,

Whizzbang, Billm, Croydon Caz, Digi Maria, Diks, Duke of Barsinov,

Seasoldier, Stumpy Steve, Zalaga.

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JUST SECONDS BEFORE DEATH

 Click here

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Extreme Sheep L E D Art

 Click here


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Ontario Mayor Hazel McCallion


EXCELLENT PLEASE WATCH DEAR OLD HAZEL

Out and about in the City of Mississauga with Mayor Hazel McCallion.
I wish this lady would run for Prime Minister of Canada.
The model mayor. This gal is amazing. Don't miss this video!
this 88 year old woman is awesome..... the mayor for 31 years!
This is a neat woman...unbelievable..

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For those who missed out - here she is - ED

Never judge a book by its cover......

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Creative genius, long but good.


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Ken Lee

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Tiger - (Very Good - ED)

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Some Toons

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Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats
quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to
think irrationally???

Ever wonder why?

It's because she smells like a new golf bag or a new car!

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Apple does it again.. (XX)


Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that
can store and play  high fidelity music in women's breast implants.

The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always
complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

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HAPPY 50TH BARBIE:

It's about time this happened to her....

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Classic culvert failure!!!

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Safety First

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Never ever try to Prop-Start an aircraft without first chocking the wheels
!!

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NOT FOR MY THINKING

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Just When You Thought You Were Having An Ugly Day!

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Super High Tech!

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African Road Kill or the dangers of a bush landing.

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Shii

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The worlds worst b**bs... (caution when opening)

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Egyptian invention - extra wheel for parking

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Warmest Spot in the barnyard

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How To Stop Women From Smoking  (XXX)

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Sweeeet Rides.......................

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IKEA to take over GM

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Amazing shots of nebulae and planets from the Hubble space telescope. Wow

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Wal MART CHAIRS--DO NOT BUY

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....WHAT WAS IN THAT FEDEX BOX, ANYWAY?

You've may have seen the movie "Castaway", where Tom Hanks played a FedEx
employee who was stranded for years on a remote island, struggled to
survive,and struggled to hold onto his sanity by talking to a soccer ball
he named “Wilson". Weren't you curious as to what was in the Fedex box he
delivered at the end of the movie ---

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Male Therapy! (X)

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Corn on the Cob as a Vibrator? (X)

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Hyundai

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This is hilarious - my gut hurt!!


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Cities from the plane

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New ones

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We really live in an interesting world

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The origin of small talk


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This Years Mensa invitational


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Well that's it for another week, hope each and everyone of you had a great
Easter.


Quote of the Week:

"What Washington needs is adult supervision".

Barack Obama



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[ End friday humour ]

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