Friday humour - April 11, 2008

Gidday from Deano,

With our ever increasing awareness of the effect of climate change and
global warming and with the recent Earth Hour Click here
my favourite this week has to be from Nottingham Smithie:
Greenpeace
 Click here


And now to the humour with stuff sent in by Anonymous, Burnout, Allnutts,
Digi Maria, Croydon Caz, Duke of Barsinov, Elle, Geoff, KRP from Coffs
Harbour, Moose, Nottingham Smithie, Steve in England, Whizzbang and
Zalaga.


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Now that food has replaced s*x in my life, I can't even get into my own
pants.

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said
"Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty
for Miss America ?

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up
in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the
difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press
'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells
live forever.

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to
the end, the faster it goes.


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All about men
For all those men who say....
"Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free?"
Here's an update for you:
Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a
little sausage....
Men are like....
1. Men are like Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars    Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right
for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials  You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like . Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many
inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are
handicapped.
Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any
understanding good-natured, fun lovin guys....


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Luigi
At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage 
seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was
approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share
some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all
these years.
Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've tried to treat her
nice, spend the money on her, but best of all is that I took-a her to
Italy for the 20th anniversary!"
The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the
husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your
50th anniversary."
Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go and get her."


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The Parrot....
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,
"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of
Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited
for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and
said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's
really not so bad."
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,
"New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman began to laugh about the situation considering how
and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird
looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith!"


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Catholic Husband and his Blonde Wife
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a s*xy nightie and, with
great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic
husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he
replied, 'It's Lent.'
In tears, she remarked, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have
ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?


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THE LOVE DRESS
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the
door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing,
and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law
answered.
'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained.
'Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and
ravages me for hours.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on
her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD,and lay on the
couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so
provocatively.
'What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'


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Senior Moments
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that
you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around
and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'


Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old
now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How
do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a
new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of
that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red
and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen
and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
night?'


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about
rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the
way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
of her hospital gown.'


Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but
they might want to start writing things down to help them remember
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she
asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon
and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.  'Where's my toast?'


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'


Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost
me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbour . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous
young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really
doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc  'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be
careful'


A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he
ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'


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Men Are Just Happier People!! READ ON........

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura,
Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other
as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even
though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they
want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite
foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.


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IRISH COFFEE
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to seek his help in
reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra? Asks the doctor.
'Not a chance,' she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an Irish Soluble Viagra.
Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me
in a week to let me know how things went.'
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as
to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!
'Twas horrid. Just terrible doctor!.'
'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor?'
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was
almost immediate. He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his
eye, and with his pants a-bulgin' fiercely!
With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flyin', ripped
me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad,
passionate love to me on the table-top! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an
absolute feckin' nightmare!'
'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the s*x your husband
provided wasn't good'?
'Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the s*x was fine indeed! 'Twas the best s*x I've
had in 50 years of marriage! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll niver be
able to show me face in Starbucks again.'


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UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT!! > >
Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your
vehicle..
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview
couple who drove their car to Walmart, only to have their car break down
in the parking lot.
 The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car
in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the
chassis.
 Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private
parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly
put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring
at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have thirteen stitches in his forehead.


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MORNING SEX
She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.
He walked in; she turned and said,
You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
His eyes lit up and he thought, 'This is my lucky day.'
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all;
right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' And returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, he asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'


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An old man made it shakily through the door to Joe Conforte's Mustang
Ranch, outside Reno, Nevada. The receptionist stared at him. "You gotta be
in the wrong place," she exclaimed. "What are you looking for?"
"Ain't this the famous Mustang Ranch? Ain't this where you got forty-five
girls ready-n-able?"
The receptionist looked perplexed. "Ready for what?"
"I want a girl," the old man rasped. "I wanna get some action."
"How old are you, Pop?" she asked.
"Ninety-two," he replied.
"Ninety-two? Pop, you've HAD it!"
"Oh, I beg your pardon." said the old man, a little disconcerted as his
trembling fingers reached for his wallet. "How much do I owe you?"


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AWESOME ANAGRAMS

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM


PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER


DESPERATION:  When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT


THE EYES:   !
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE


GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE  :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS


SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY


ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT


SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE


THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE


ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands! (Probably a
son-in-law)


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Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4 am by
the telephone.
'Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but
there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en
Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated the the entire New
Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week.!!!'
PM: 'Shut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted
babies - wi'll be ruined!'
Hilth Munister: 'We're going to hef to shup some in from Brutain?...'
PM: 'No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!'
Hilth Munister: 'What about Australia?'
PM: 'I'll call Kevin Rudd - tell hum we need one million condoms; ten
unches long and eight unches thuck! That way they'll continue to respect
the All Blacks!!'
Three days later a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds
condoms; 10 unches long; 8 unches thuck, all coloured green and gold. With
small writing on each one.........
'MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM'


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A bloke goes into a pub and the barmaid asks him what he wants.
'I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between
your t*ts' he says
'Out you dirty git' shouts the barmaid 'get out before I get my husband.'
The bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe.
The barmaid accepts his apology and asks him again what he wants.
'I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of a**e
and lick it all off' he says.
'You dirty filthy pervert. You're barred. Get out!' she storms.
Again, the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again.
'One more chance' says the barmaid. 'Now - what do you want?'
'I want to turn you upside down, open your legs, fill your f*nny with 
Stella Artois and then drink every last drop from it'.
The barmaid is absolutely furious at this last suggestion, and runs
upstairs to fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly.
'What's up love?' he asks.
'There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my t*ts and
lick the sweat off', she says.
'I'll kill him. Where is he?' storms the husband.
'Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my a*se cheeks and
lick it off'" she screams.
'Right. He's dead,' says the husband, reaching for a baseball bat.
'Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my f*nny with Stella
and then drink it all' she cries.
The husband puts down his bat, returns to his armchair, and switches the
telly back on.
 'Aren't you going to do something about it?' she cries hysterically.......
'Look love - I'm not messing with someone who can drink 15 pints of
Stella!!!!


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Paul v Heather

It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are
facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her
false leg. Personally, I think it's prosthetic.

News reports have confirmed that Paul McCartney has separated from his wife
Heather Mills-McCartney. Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to be distraught over
the split. "He has been my crutch for so long"! She said in an earlier
briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm really stumped"

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she will
need all the support she can get. It's not like its easy to walk out on a
relationship like this"

After his break up with Heather, Paul was asked if he would ever consider
going down on one knee again. Paul said he would prefer it if we called
her Heather.

It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the
marriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world, and if an
agreement has been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg to stand
on.

Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that infidelity may have
been the cause. "She's terrible" a source stated, "always trying to get her
leg over".

Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the cause.
"Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said, "he would get home at
night and find her legless"

Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present that
Paul bought her prior to the wedding. He gave her a new prosthetic leg for
Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler.

A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate "I'm
f---ed, who will want a one legged gold digger?" His mate says "try Paul
McCartney"

Finally a poem by Sir Paul McCartney:

I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river

And

She stood on the bridge at Midnight
Her lips were all a quiver
She gave a cough, her leg fell off
And floated down the river.

These jokes are funny but lets spare a thought for Paul please. Now she has
left him, he's going to struggle to find another woman who can fill her
shoe.

Stop Press - Heather has bought a plane with some of her money but still
insists she will continue to use Immac on the other leg.


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VB
A husband and wife were in Cole's when the man picks up a 12 pack of
Victoria bitter and sticks them it into the trolley.....
"'What do you think you're doing?"  asks the wife
"'They're on special, only $10 for 12 cans", he says
"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on
shopping.......
A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and sticks it
into the trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man,
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says
The man replies... 'SO DOES THE 12 CANS OF VICTORIA BITTER AND IT'S HALF
THE PRICE'


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How Men Think:
A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months. Nurses were in her
room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area
and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she
touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small,
recognizable movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As
crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral s*x will do the trick and bring
her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical, but they assured that
they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went
into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate
at all. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
The husband said, 'I'm not sure. Maybe she choked'.


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Blue Pigeon
The mayor of Bradford was very worried about a plague of pigeons in
Bradford. He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Bradford
was full of pigeon poop, the people of Bradford could not walk on the
sidewalks, or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to keep the
streets and sidewalks clean.
One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition. 'I can
rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the
city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions.  Or, you can pay
me one million pounds to ask one question.'
The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.
The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and
released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up
into the bright blue sky. All the pigeons in Bradford saw the blue pigeon
and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Bradford pigeons
followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city.
The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City
Hall. The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had
performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Bradford of the plague of
pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the
mayor presented him with a check for 1 million pounds and told the man
that, Indeed, he did have a question  to ask and even though they had
agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of  pigeons, he decided to
pay the 1 million Just to get to ask ONE question.
The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.  Do
you think the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the
pigeons away?
Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?
Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon?

Nooooooo!

The mayor asked: 'Do you have a blue Irishman?'


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Dr Dave
Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients, and felt guilty about it
all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just
couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But, every
once in a while, he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his head that
said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical
practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the
last. And you're single. Just let it go."
Invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality
whispering: "But Dave.....you're a vet."


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


And now to the pics and movies sent in by Front Range Barbie, Allnutts,
Burnout, Cartographer Chris, Croydon Caz, Duke of Barsinov, Moose, Muse,
Nottingham Smithie ,The Great Gussius, Whizzbang, Zalaga and Anonymous:


Being overtaken at 290kmh
 Click here

Biker Outruns Cops On Highway
 Click here

Paper Cut
 Click here

Car Accessories - You've never seen at SuperCheap
 Click here

Easter Bunny ?
 Click here

Scottish Rugby..
 Click here

I found it. And you thought there was no such place????
You will all be so pleased to receive this....... How many times have we
been 'up there without one!'
 Click here

Fun in the Air
 Click here

Don't mess with a redback
An office receptionist got the shock of her life earlier this week when she
found a 14cm long snake entangled in the web of a deadly spider.  Tania
Robertson, a receptionist at an electrical firm, came in to work on
Tuesday and spotted the strange sight next to a desk in her office. The  
snake, which had obviously died from the spider's poisonous bite, was off
the ground and caught up in the web.
Leon Lotz of the arachnology department at the National Museum said it was
only the second time that he had heard of a snake getting caught in a
spider's web. It is believed the snake got caught in the web on Monday
night. But it did not take the spider long to bite it. A red mark on the
snake's stomach was evidence of where the spider had started eating it.
Throughout Tuesday, the spider checked on her prey, but on Wednesday she
rolled it up and started spinning a web around it. She also kept lifting
it higher off the ground, while continually snacking on it.  Even a fly
that accidentally landed on the snake was chased off aggressively.......
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here


The police
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here


I got stopped for speeding yesterday. I thought I could talk my way out of
it until the officer looked at my dog in the back seat
 Click here

She just couldn't wait to spend that money, could she?
 Click here

Men Are Like A Deck Of Cards :-)]
 Click here


Please water my flowers......
 Click here

Useless cat
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Candid Camera Can't Beat This!]
 Click here Click here

If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started) and you came
upon the following poster...Would you quit drinking?
 Click here

Awesomes photos!
 Click here

hate your job?
 Click here

Job Market 2009
 Click here

Pay rise?
 Click here

Why it's better to be the boss]
 Click here

"Made In China"
 Click here

Surprise...
 Click here

Think before commiting
 Click here

Who has the nicest car? Warning XXXX
 Click here


Lost Puppy
I know most of you are dog lovers and will help. Our neighbor has lost her
Chihuahua puppy and is desperate to find him. Yesterday, she was sitting
on the couch watching TV and realized he was gone. She called out to him
and he never responded. She then noticed the back door was open. She has
been putting up signs everywhere in an effort to have him returned.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP
 Click here

Medals (and the winner is)
 Click here


Please Look Right Away! Crack in Aeroplane Window
Yet another thing to worry about. This is scary for anyone who travels
frequently by plane!!!! Actual crack in a US Airways DC-9 window! Fliers
beware of the sub standard maintenance on the airplanes that you fly on.
This is an actual crack that was found in the window frame on a DC-9. I'll
definitely think twice before flying USAir.
 Click here


Ready for take off
 Click here

Greatest Ass in the World Contest.......
Difficult choice but don't be swayed by just good looks...
Here they are; the three finalists for the '2007 Greatest Ass in the World
Contest'.
THIRD PLACE
 Click here
2ND PLACE
 Click here
THE WINNER
 Click here

How a real man blows snow
 Click here

Hangover Finalists 2007
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Overdose Victims
I'm sending these graphic pictures of overdose victims not for shock value,
but rather in the hope that you will have a frank discussion with friends
and family about respecting moderation, understanding limits, and knowing
when to just walk away.
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

What a Shot Rod-Ric Rig #2
This was supposedly taken last night or the night before by the driller on
the Rod-Ric Rig #2 drilling for Sandridge south of Fort Stockton, Colorado
It is dramatic..
 Click here

8 reasons NOT to take your kid to the zoo
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Disappointed girlfriend
 Click here

Greener Grass
 Click here

Fishing
 Click here

Montreal Garden
 Click here

FUNNIES
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Global Warming funny
 Click here


And that's all we have this week folks.



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[ End friday humour ]

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