Friday humour - December 28, 2007

Hello fellow humorites

This is Sir Reginald Whatter-Whancker. The Friday Humour lads have taken a
week off with Christmas and the cricket in Melbourne and I have taken up
their invitation to edit the page this week.  Gee, I wish those very
attractive editor men were at my very expensive English public school when
I was a lad. We could have had such super fun in the dormitories together. 
I am visiting the colonies this week as it is cold enough to freeze the
nuts off my Bentley back in England and I must see how they are treating
our Liz as the ruler of their little island. Now that my close friend
Johnny Howard has retired (I believe him), I hear that there are
murmurings of them wanting to become a republic!  What rot!! We will send
our Charles and the lovely Camilla out to sort out those colonials if they
don’t behave!

The comedy item I like most this week was sent in by Anonymous:
Go to the Golden Pages Website (Irish phone directory), put in the words
‘Good Looking Women’ into the search engine and press the ‘Search’ button
 Click here

Makes sense to me!!!


The written items have been sent in this week by Anonymous, Whizzbang,
Front Range Barbie, Digi Maria, Zalaga, Allnutts, Diks, Geoff, Nottingham
Smithie, and a new contributor: Seasoldier
Lots of Christmas humour which is good to see….

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A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was p*ssed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ar*e for damn near a year,
Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those ar*eholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little sh*ts
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ar*e and draw unemployment.

There's No Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season


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Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep
coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees
that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins..... a boy and a girl. The babies
are fine now. However, they were poorly at birth and had to be christened
immediately - your brother came in and named them".
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh suffering Jesus no, not me rother...he's a
fecking clueless eejit". Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well,
what's my daughter's name?"
"Denise," says the doctor.
The new mother is somewhat relieved. "Wow, that's a beautiful name. I guess
I was wrong about my brother,. I like Denise. "
Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew"


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Letter to Santa
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus:

Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.

Santa wrote back:

"Send me your mother..."

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A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have
been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the
asking."
The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm
and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to
sleep on."
God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went t o
Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He
made to the cat.
The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs,
and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller
skates, we would not have to run again."
God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller
skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound
asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is
everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?"
The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my
life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have
been sending over are delicious!"


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The doctor told a man that masturbating before s*x, often helped men last
longer during the act.
The man decided, 'What the heck, I'll try it.'
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do
it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He
considered an alley but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized
his solution.
On the way home from work, he pulled his truck over on the side of the
highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate,
he closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm,
he felt a quick tug at his pant leg. Not wanting to lose his mental
fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, 'What?'
He heard 'This is the police. What in the hell are you doing?'
The man replied, 'I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted.'
The cop says, 'Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck
rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.'


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The Perfect Golf Shot
Sam stood over his tee shot on the 350 yard 18th hole for what seemed an
eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't
start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked,  "What in the world is taking so
long?"
"My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony," Sam explained.  "I
want to make a perfect shot."
His companion exclaimed. "You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her
from here."


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Naughty 2007 Tax Code
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis. This is
due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10%
of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is p*ssed off and 1% of the
time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are
both nuts!

HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2008, the penis will now be taxed according
to size:
The brackets are as follows:
10 - 12" Luxury Tax $300.00 8 - 10" Pole Tax $250.00 5 - 8" Privilege Tax
$150.00 3 - 5 " Nuisance Tax $30.00
Males exceeding 12" must file capital gains.
Anyone under 4" is eligible for a tax refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION


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Redneck Fire Dept???????????//
You might be on a redneck fire department if.......
Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag
racing on the way to the scene.
You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
Your firehouse has wheels.
You've ever gotten back from a call and found you locked yourselves out of
the firehouse.
Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.
You've ever been toned out on an outhouse fire.
The outhouse fire was an entrapment.
You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you
hunt on their land.
At least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the
Halloween Parade and it's January.
Your personal vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in
it.
You don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.
You've ever walked through a Christmas display and came up with more than 3
new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.
Your rescue truck can smoke the tires.
Your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.
Your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas parade.
Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.
The local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarrassed
them last time.
You've ever referred to a light bar as s*xy.
Your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a
fish finder.
You've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.
Your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.
Your pumper smokes more than a house fire.
The only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.
Your apparatus has carbon monoxide detectors mounted in the cab.
You return from a fire with more junk than you arrived with.
The Chief's car has a rag for a gas cap.


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Albert Einstein's birthday was March 14. He would now be 127. Few people
remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Cliental,
after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.
Einstein said that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed.
He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the
attraction is stronger if there is a family connection.
This came to be known as Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.
Now you know the rest of the story..............................


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The bottle of wine
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish
you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see
a bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona
when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As
the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the
Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the
woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat
silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little
detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally."
What in bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got
it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with
the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: "Good trade......"


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Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon
a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of
it.
The first hunter says " Wow, that's some hole, I can't even see the bottom.
I wonder how deep it is?"
The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down there and
listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says " There's this old transmission over here, give me a
hand and we'll throw it in and see".
So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and
throw it in the hole. They are standing there listening and looking over
the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn
around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the
hole, and jump in head first. While they are standing there looking at
each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was
all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Say there", says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat
around here anywhere, did you?" The first hunter says " Funny you should
ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running
out of the bushes and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"
And the old farmer said " Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a
transmission!"


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Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Ft Myers, Florida. They
turned a corner and see a sign that says, " Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10
cents."
They look at each other, then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in
and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?"
There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a
martini.
In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis... shaken, not
stirred, and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."
The four men stare at the bartender for a moment, then look at each
other... They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish
their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying
"That's 40 cents, please."
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand.
They have each had two martinis, and so far they've spent less than a
dollar.
Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good
as these for a dime apiece?
"I'm a retired tailor from Boston," the bartender said, "and I always
wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and
decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer,
it's all the same."
Wow!!!! That's quite a story," says one of the men. The four of them sipped
at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end
of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered
anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks
the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "Oh, they're retired engineers. They're waiting for
happy hour when drinks are half price."


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A selection of wild and wonderful news items from 2007:
- The CNN TV network had to apologise to US presidential hopeful Barack
Obama after it confused his surname with the first name of the world's
best-known terrorism suspect. A sequence on the whereabouts of Osama Bin
Laden carried the caption "Where's Obama?"
- An Australian bank was embarrassed when it emerged that it had issued a
credit card to a cat. The owner of Messiah, a ginger tom, had put in the
spoof application to test the bank's security system.
- A 100-year-old woman in Germany moved out of her retirement home after
six weeks saying she found the other residents not only boring but also
"too old". She returned home to her cat.
- Switzerland's army inadvertently invaded the tiny neighbouring state of
Liechtenstein. A unit on manoeuvres got lost at dead of night, officials
said.
- The Norwegian government abolished a regulation that had allowed
strip-clubs to claim exemption from sales tax on the grounds that their
performances were an art form.
- A British man claimed the dubious distinction of making the first ever
mobile phone call from the summit of Mount Everest. "It's cold" were his
first words.
- Fishery officials in China restocked a river with 13 truckloads of live
carp, only to realise that thousands of residents from a nearby city had
immediately swarmed to the banks a short way downstream and caught most of
them.
- Transport officials in Australia try to discourage men from driving too
fast with a series of TV ads featuring attractive woman suggesting that
speeding males were trying to compensate for inadequate virility.
- A town in South Korea which spent some 140 million dollars to build its
own airport was then forced to admit that no airlines actually wanted to
fly there.
- The Chinese capital Beijing began a campaign to improve its signposting
in English ahead of the 2008 Olympic Games. Among signs in need of
correcting were ones for "Pubic Toilets," and "Deformed Men" -- the latter
indicating facilities for the handicapped.
- A US man who ordered flowers for his mistress sued the florists after
they sent a note to his home thanking him for his order -- thereby
informing his wife of his infidelity.
- An African medicine man dived into a river in Tanzania after promising
his fellow villagers that he would bring back revelations from ancestral
spirits lurking underwater. He drowned.
- A child maths prodigy who started university in Hong Kong at age nine,
said he found the courses too easy, and rather boring.
- A Belgian prankster reacted to a prolonged political crisis in his native
land by putting the entire country up for sale on the Internet auction site
eBay. The company halted the bidding.
- Dutch anglers were up in arms against immigrant workers from Poland, who
also enjoy fishing in the many local lakes. The problem being that the
Poles actually eat the fish they catch, whereas the Dutch believe in
simply putting them back in the water.
- A posh food store in New York was embarrassed after an employee, who was
clearly not Jewish, stuck a "Delicious for Hanukkah" sign on hams. Jews,
for whom Hanukkah is a religious holiday, do not eat pork.


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DAMN TRACTOR
A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads
with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a
car.
His father says, "Son, come with me." He takes him to the barn and points
to the farm tractor and says, "That tractor is needed here on the farm and
I promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car."
The boy was not too happy but he did understand that situation and said,
"Okay, Dad."
A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new
two-wheel bicycle. Well, he gets the same excuse . . . "as soon as that
tractor is paid for . . "
Shortly, a few days later, son number 3, his youngest, comes bugging him
for a tricycle. Again, 'ol Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor
being paid for first.
While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little disgusted with
the whole thing, sees a rooster mating with one of the hens and promptly
goes over and kicks the rooster smooth off the hens back, mumbling to
himself the whole time.
His dad says, "Son, why on earth would you do something like that? He
didn't do anything to you to deserve that!"
The little boy looks Dad right square in the eye and says, "Hey, nobody
rides anything around here until that damn tractor is paid for."


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The Office Christmas Party and Political Correctness
MEMO:

FROM:Patty Lewis,
Human Resources Director

TO:All Employees

DATE:October 01, 2007

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 21, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree
will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of
gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty


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FROM:Patty Lewis,
 Human Resources Director

TO:All Employees

DATE October 02, 2007

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty


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FROM:  Patty Lewis,
Human Resources Director

TO:  All Employees

DATE:  October 03, 2007

RE:Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this?

Somebody? Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed
since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives
believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty


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FROM: Patty Lewis,
Human Resources Director

To:All Employees

DATE:  October 04, 2007

RE:Holiday Party


What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home
in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men,
each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for
the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no
cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short
people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot
control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high
blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for
Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty


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FROM:  Patty Lewis,
 Human Resources Director

TO:All F#$*&%** Employees

DATE:  October 05, 2007

RE: The F&*%#$&* Holiday Party

Vegetarian pr*cks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your f#$@&*% salad bar, including organic
tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I
hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!


----------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Joan Bishop,
 Acting Human Resources Director
DATE:  October 06, 2007

RE:Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and
I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has
decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon off on
the 21st with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan


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No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple
had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old
neighborhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so
they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved
"I love you, Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car,
practically landing at their feet Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure
what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the
money--fifty-thousand dollars.
Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it
in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the
money, and knocked on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a
bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
Sally said, "No."
Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: "Tell us the
story from the beginning"
Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday
.. "
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."


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A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in
his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he
looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.
This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, "Why
do you keep looking in your pocket?"
The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good
enough, I'll go home!"

__________________________

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her,
draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her
supervisor to file a s*xual harassment complaint. She tells the supervisor
what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a s*xual harassment
suit against him.
The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's s*xually
threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice"?
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."

________________________

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic bin
bags, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and once in a
while a £20 note flies out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Madam, there are £20 notes falling
out of that bag..."
"Damn!" says the little old lady...."I'd better go back and see if I can
find some of them. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the policeman. "How did you get all that
money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back garden backs onto the
car park of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans
come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand
behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks
his thingie through the bushes, I grab it and I say: '£20 or off it
comes!' "
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Good luck!" By the way, what's in
the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay."


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Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my
illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a
valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I
simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would
feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to
explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to
adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem,
but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my
wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! the garbage disposal is
dead.

Come reset it." You know where the button is." I protested through the
shower (pitter- patter).

"Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going
and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second." So out I
came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how
her cowardly behavior was not without consequence.

I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is
the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without
respect to my circ*mstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me
into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at
the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around
the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink.

At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. Now when
men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine
region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily
movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort
inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed. Not even a
well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full
weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by-step manner.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in
this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, I
knew  at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a dismal
irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it
that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact
knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully
briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their
work while suppressing their hysterical laughter. At the office,
colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming
it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If
they had only known.

 ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


And now to the pictures and movies sent in by Anonymous, Nottingham
Smithie, Croydon Caz, Muse, Digi Maria, Burnout, Zalaga, Diks, Whizzbang,
Duke of Barsinov, Allnutts, Seasoldier and Moose:


Pass this on - it's a cracker............
 Click here

E-mail problem
I can't respond to any emails today, something's crashed on my computer. .
.
 Click here

Ol Folks
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here


 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here

Christmas Cards
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here

Great Australian Sporting Moment
 Click here

I finally got the Christmas Lights put up............................
 Click here

Merry Christmas
 Click here

Only 7 days to Christmas - enjoy the mayhem!
 Click here

How To Keep Your Bikini Top In Place
 Click here

Xmas Wishes
 Click here

Christmas Gift Idea For the guy who has everything!
 Click here

From Santa Claus
 Click here
XXXX
 Click here

Body Art.
 Click here

Which Restaurant Do You Prefer?
 Click here

This is guaranteed to drive you crazy.
 Click here

Merry Xmas everybody
 Click here

Bogan Test! You Have to do it!
 Click here

Italian Man!
 Click here

Mates can't do without them
 Click here

Best DUI Ever
 Click here

Elevator
 Click here

Flying very high without an aeroplane.
 Click here

When firemen get bored
 Click here

Automation at its best
 Click here

Jingle Bells...
 Click here

Who did that?  A Christmas Song...
 Click here

Prison
 Click here

VB
 Click here


And that's all we have this week folks.
Keep the contributions coming.

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[ End friday humour ]

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