Friday humour - December 07, 2007

Gidday from Deano,

It has been a big week in sport this week, Australia’s very own Shane Warne
was toppled as the all-time test cricket wicket taker by Muttiah
Muralidaran of Sri Lanka.  Warnie held the record of 708 wickets but this
week Muralidaran, in a test match against England, equalled and then took
the record finishing with a new record of 712 wickets. Muralidaran’s
bowling action had been called as a throw by several umpires because his
arm was bent at the elbow but then the International Cricket Council (ICC)
reviewed their rules and now allows the elbow to be bent at 15 degrees.
Although Muralidaran is now the greatest wicket taker, Warnie is still the
greatest bowler!

My favourite this week is from Muse: Mummy is Santa... I think...
 Click here


The funnies have been sent in this week by Anonymous, Moose, KRP from Coffs
Harbour, Croydon Caz, Burnout, and Whizzbang:


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Dr Phil advice

Dear Dr. Phil,
When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favourite
pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get
my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at
the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it
turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing
buddies. As I said the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only
refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time
fishing.
A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I
catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later
Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding
up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife
hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead she says she doesn't want
me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I
think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself. What would you do?
Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell
the boat as she insists?
Thanks,
PS Enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two bass we caught
 Click here

Dear Fisherman,?
Get rid of that narrow minded wife.
That's a nice pair of bass!
DR. Phil


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Lizards . . .
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome,
including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will
have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something
wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me "I'm serious, Dad. Can you
help?"
I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his
bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking
stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at
the lizard!"
"Oh, my gosh!" my wife exclaimed. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't
want them to reproduce," I said accusingly to my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired
(I think she actually said this sarcastically!).
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most
loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she
informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I
shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a
wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of
birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked
"Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny
little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know.
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny
foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next
appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more
times with the same results.
"Should I call 000?" my eldest daughter wanted to know.
"Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with
the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my
son holding the cage in his lap.
"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be
so cruel to their own young.
I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for
God's sake.).
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little
animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to
you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labour. In
fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a
young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male
species, they um . . um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on
his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So, Ernie's just . . . just . . . excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle.
And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I
married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. "It's just. .that . . I'm picturing
you pulling on its . . . its . . . teeny little . " She gasped for more
air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the
lizard and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to
be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
Two lizards: $140.
One cage: $50.
Trip to the vet: $30.
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie:
Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.

Lizards lay eggs.


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Grandparents
What is a grandparent? (taken from papers written by a class of
8-year-olds)
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own.
They like other people's.
A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady!
Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see
them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they
drive us to the shops and give us money.
When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves
and caterpillars.
They show us and talk to us about the colour of the flowers and also why we
shouldn't step on "cracks."
They don't say, "Hurry up."
Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
They wear glasses and funny underwear.
They can take their teeth and gums out.
Grandparents don't have to be smart.
They have to answer questions like "why isn't God married?" and "How come
dogs chase cats?"
When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the
same story over again.
Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have
television because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with
us.
They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers
with us every time and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

A 6 year old was asked where his grandma lived. ''Oh,'' he said, ''she
lives at the airport and when we want her we just go get her. Then when
we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.''

Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things but i don't
get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their
dog."


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The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable,
when all of a sudden.......
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?  Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet."
"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there,
in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture there's fried bacon, back bacon,
double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Eet EES a bacon tree!"
"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget."!
"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like  bacon...ees no
meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that ..Luis races toward the tree.
He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all of
a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.
It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages
to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe...go back man, you was right...eet ees not a bacon tree."
"Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...

       Ees........

       Ees...

       Ees........

       Ees....

        Eees a Ham Bush!!


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Two Doctors

The Psychiatrist and Proctologist...
Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small
town and put up a sign reading: 'Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and
Posteriors.' The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors
changed it to read, 'Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.'

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council,
they changed the sign to 'Catatonics and High Colonics.' No go.

Next, they tried 'Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives.' Thumbs down
again.

Then came 'Minds and Behinds.' Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in 'Lost Souls and Butt Holes.' Unacceptable
again!

So they tried 'Analysis and Anal Cysts.' Not a chance. 'Nuts and Butts?' No
way. 'Freaks and Cheeks?' Still no go. 'Loons and Moons?' Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: 'Dr. Smith and
Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.'

Everyone loved it.

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I went to the cemetery yesterday and there were four pall bearers walking
around with a coffin.
Three hours later they were still walking around with it.
I thought to myself “These guys have lost the plot”.


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Swearing At Work

Dear Staff

It has been brought to the CEO's attention that some individuals throughout
the organisation have been using foul language during the course of normal
conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been
provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in
an effective manner.

1.    Try Saying:     I think you could do with more training   Instead Of:
    You don't have a fucking clue, do you?

2.    Try Saying:     She's an aggressive go-getter.  Instead Of: She's a
fucking power-crazy bitch

3.    Try Saying:     Perhaps I can work late         Instead Of: And when
the fuck do you expect me to do this?

4.    Try Saying:     I'm certain that isn't feasible         Instead Of:  
  Fuck off arsehole

5.   Try Saying:     Really?         Instead Of:     Well fuck me backwards
with a telegraph pole

6.   Try Saying:     Perhaps you should check with...        Instead Of:
Tell someone who gives a fuck.

7.   Try Saying:     I wasn't involved in the project.       Instead Of:
Not my fucking problem.

8.   Try Saying:     That's interesting.     Instead Of:     What the fuck?

9.   Try Saying:     I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given
timescale.     Instead Of:     No fucking chance mate.

10. Try Saying:     It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in
Instead Of:     Why the fuck didn't you tell me that yesterday?

11. Try Saying:     He's not familiar with the issues        Instead Of:
He's got his head up his fucking arse.

12. Try Saying:     Excuse me, sir?         Instead Of:     Oi, fuck face.

13. Try Saying:     Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway
Instead Of:     Yeah, who needs fucking holidays anyway.


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Bored husband (Absolutely Excellent)

Proof of what can happen if a wife drags her husband along to go shopping.

Dear Mrs. Murry,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us,
unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the
past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras.

MEMO
Re: Complaints

15 Things Mr. Wayne Murry has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to tampons
section.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
lay-by.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
picked his nose, and ate it.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practised his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker he assumes
the foetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!

And; last, but not least!

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while;
then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"


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Potentially vs Realistically
A young boy went up to his father and asked him,'Dad, what is the
difference between potentially and realistically?'
The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she
would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if
she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your
brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and
tell me what you learn from that.'
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could
really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great
university!'
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I
would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?' 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know how
much a million bucks would buy?'
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to dad.
His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between potentially
and realistically?'
The boy replied, 'Yes. Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million
dollars, but realistically, we're living with two hookers and a homo.'


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If Tommy Cooper Were Alive Today...

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it.
I thought, "That's Aboriginal."

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was
a turtle disaster.

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I
said, "No, permanent."

I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do
you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a
Volkswagen with no driver.

I went to the local video shop and I said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?" He
said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best
Before End'

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No,
just a watch."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke
said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said,
"You've got cholera."

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name,
it's P something T something R.

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just
went on and on.

The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work??
I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said,
"You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is for
the custard."

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper.
He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?"
I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you
anything."

I phoned the local builders today; I said to them "Can I have a skip
outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"

This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes
first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been
promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd
been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing
director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me
what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a
cat in there.

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the
shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two
counts.

I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said "Eurostar" I
said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Robbie Williams.


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Geoffrey the Aboriginal
A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and
invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Geoffrey, the
only aboriginal in the neighbourhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone
was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ
and flirting. At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 15ft
man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone
who has the balls to jump in.
"The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and
everyone turned around and saw Geoffrey in the pool! Geoffrey was fighting
the croc and kicking its arse! Geoffrey was jabbing the croc in the eyes
with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of shit, like head
butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc
through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Geoffrey and the croc
were screaming and raising hell.
Finally Geoffrey strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a
K-mart goldfish. Geoffrey then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody
was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, "Well, Geoffrey, I reckon I owe you a million
dollars."
Nah, you all right, I don't want it," said Geoffrey.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet."
"How about half a million bucks then?"
"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Geoffrey.
The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was
amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?
Again Geoffrey said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, "Well Geoffrey, then what do you want?"
Geoffrey said, "I want the name of the cunt who pushed me in the Pool.


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Fishing Rod
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel for her grandson's
birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and
goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark glasses. She says 'Excuse me -
can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Madam, I'm completely blind but if you'll drop it on the counter
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it
makes.'
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says 'That's a two meter Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel
and 5-kg. Test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale
this week for $44.'
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter, I'll take it!'
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, That sounds like a Visa Card' says the salesman.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At
first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the
blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.
The salesman rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $58.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me it was
on sale for $44? How did you get to $58.50?'
'The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50.'


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The Onion And The Christmas Tree
The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad,
how many kinds of boobies are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, there's three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her
thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like    onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them, and
they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, "Mom, how many 
 types of "willies" are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,   "Well dear, a man goes through
three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and
hard. In his thirties & forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but
reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas
tree??"
"Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."


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Italian Boy's Confession
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned.  I have been with a loose girl".
The priest asks,  "Is that you, little Tony Funacelli?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father.  I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tony, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as
well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Maria Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration.  "You're very tight lipped, Tony
Funacelli, and I admire that.  But you've sinned and you have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.  Now you go and behave
yourself."
Tony walks back to his pew.  His friend Nino slides over and whispers,
"Well, what'd you get?"
"4 months' vacation and five good leads.... ..."


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Taking a Woman to Bed
What is the difference between girls/women aged 8,18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68,
and 78 ?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78 - What story?  What bed?  Who the HELL are you?


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Interesting Health Fact
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the
eyeball to the anus?
It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a
shitty outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your arse and see if it
doesn't bring a tear to your eyes.

Have a nice day :)

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Cakes and Ale
Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University.
It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped
up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog
ensued:
Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me
Cakes and Ale.
At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old
Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and
pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin):
"Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale".
Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat
there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.
Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword
to the examination.


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


And now to the pictures and movie type things sent in by Anonymous, Moose,
Digi Steve, Croydon Caz, Burnout, Zalaga, Lovebug, Allnutts, Rudolf from
the West, Adam, Muse, Digi Maria, Cartographer Chris, Nottingham Smithie
and Whizzbang:


How to garage your Porsche 928 in Moe - Bogan made good
 Click here

I need your HELP !
My dear friend .... I come to you for help.
I'm trying to find out which KMart sells this mirror!!!
 Click here

Where Babies Come From
 Click here

If Christmas was run by the Public Service...
 Click here

Say no to nuclear power near the coast (WARNING XXXX)
 Click here

A lesson learned
 Click here

Chippendale Dancers from around the world! (WARNING XXXX)
Chippendale from Greece
 Click here
Chippendale from Russia
 Click here
Chippendale from India
 Click here
Chippendale from Tibet
 Click here
Chippendale From Egypt
 Click here
Chippendale from Africa
 Click here

Size  DOES Matter!
 Click here
Sometimes it is better to have a small one...
And you were thinking of what ?

Veggies
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here


High wind? Many thieves? Trapped witch? I give up!
 Click here


WARNING
With the road toll continuing to increase each year especially around the
Christmas Holiday period, this will be the first year that Zero Tolerance
Speed Cameras will be introduced into Australia in December in the lead up
the Christmas holiday period.
The new cameras look slightly different to the normal cameras we're
familiar with, so I have included a photograph of one of them so that you
can familiarise yourself with them, and are therefore able to make sure
not to speed when approaching them.
Please take this warning seriously as you may not get another chance
 Click here

Fox hunting
 Click here


Yep...we've all been there!!!
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here


Maybe you haven't seen it all.....
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

I was wondering...              Is it Friday yet?
 Click here

Click here
 Click here

Your first Christmas card....! ! !
 Click here


Only for HOT People!
If you are HOT , and you know  it  . ..  scroll down...if you are not,
close and  delete .
.
.
.
 Click here
.
  . ...there...... isn't  that better?
  Now GET OVER  YOURSELF and get back to work

Septic Truck Sign
 Click here

Name the dog
 Click here

What's in a name ????
Do you think this cabbie would cop some crap??????
 Click here

Illegal Drag Racing In City Streets ... so stupid and extremely dangerous
 Click here

ALWAYS Check your children's homework!
 Click here

Redfern Christmas Tree
 Click here

Bask in the warmth of human kindness
 Click here

Mystery explained
 Click here


Toilet cleaning instructions
 Click here

Police Cars
 Click here

Having one of those days?
 Click here

Mirror mirror on the wall ...
 Click here

Merry Christmas
 Click here

No Bones About It................
 Click here

Korean Clock Lady
 Click here

Dog
 Click here

Damn Dogs
 Click here

Wake up !!
 Click here

Hysterical Girls
 Click here Click here Click here

Why our high school was never asked to perform at the Super Bowl.
 Click here

Hello daddy...
 Click here

Achmed
 Click here

Puppet
 Click here

What an Idiot...........
 Click here

Baby Queen
 Click here

Another oldie...copper clappers
 Click here

Thank God I'm A Country Boy
  Ah yes, life was good in the country (before video cameras).
 Click here

Montavit - Hero
 Click here

Herbal Elements
 Click here

Italian Cork Soakers
 Click here

This is Christmas stuff...watch em when you want to get in the xmassy mood
(probably about 2 weeks time I'd say!)
Dominic the Donkey
 Click here
Famous xmas lights
 Click here
And a variation
 Click here
How to deal with those tangled xmas lights each year
 Click here


And that's all we have this week folks.
Keep the contributions coming to contribute~at~bluehaze~dot~com~dot~au
Use the address management~at~bluehaze~dot~com~dot~au to contact the
keepers of this site and the weekly mailout.
Use the address humourlist~at~bluehaze~dot~com~dot~au to subscribe or
unsubscribe to the weekly mailout.

Sender's contributions are acknowledged by name unless anonymity is
requested. Email addresses are not disclosed. Copyright material promptly
removed on request (or attribution supplied, your call).



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[ End friday humour ]

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