Friday humour - October 12, 2007

[from Steve at Bluehaze]

Today our fearless leader finally admitted he was behind the game on
indigenous issues. At last! Not a "sorry" but a start. Way to late though.

And we are STILL waiting for an election to be called.

ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

This week's collection is courtesy of Allnutts, Burnout, Digi Maria, Diks,
Front Range Barbie, Moose, Muse, Nottingham Smithie,
Stonefish, Whizzbang, Zalaga and the ever increasing anonymous.

My favourite for this week is ...
A Bangkok Market!
 Click here


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Instructions for your AussieSheila

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR decision to choose an AussieSheila. Your investment
should give you a lifetime of pleasure and trouble-free operation. Please
read these instructions carefully before use. (if ya follow the user
manual that is!)

Warnings
* Not suitable for use with maps.
* Requires regular chocolate supply (not included).
* Contents may settle over time.

Getting started
* Servicing your AussieSheila requires considerable skill and knowledge.
Please leave adequate time and proceed cautiously. Each step must be
thoroughly completed before moving on. DO NOT SKIP STEPS.

* Do not attempt to service your AussieSheila if she is still connected to
a telephone line.
* If your AussieSheila appears difficult to get going, it may be your
fault. You may be in the wrong gear. Try changing out of your
T-shirt and Stubbies into something more elegant. (see that
fella's.....it's not always the girlies fault!)

Ongoing use
* Unlike some overseas models, the AussieSheila will not operate on limited
supplies of power. Please ensure 100 per cent access to any available
household power.

* Your AussieSheila comes with an attractive and durable outer casing.
However, due to problems in the ego panel, your AussieSheila may believe
her outer casing to be drab and unattractive. This fault is general to all
models and is not covered by your warranty.
Remove access to any mirrored surfaces and gently attempt to reinflate ego.

* If asked to assess whether your AussieSheila's bottom appears large in a
certain outfit, stand directly in front of your
AussieSheila, holding her shoulders with both hands, and employ the phrase,
"No, not at all." FAILURE TO FOLLOW THIS SAFETY WARNING
CAN RESULT IN SERIOUS INJURY TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS.

Troubleshooting
* Fault: My AussieSheila keeps breaking down.
Solution: Your AussieSheila is designed for multi-tasking. However, during
multi-tasking, dangerous levels of guilt may build up on all working
services. Your AussieSheila may blame herself for problems at both home
and work, noting that she is juggling so many tasks she cannot be expected
to perform them all to a high standard. In extreme cases she may even feel
guilty about events quite beyond her control, such as the recent failure
of the Russian wheat harvest. Try to remove accretions of guilt using a
soft cloth.
Attempt to encourage her to pump blame through to where it belongs: her
boss, the kids, you and Vladimir Putin.

* Fault: My AussieSheila is difficult to turn on.
Solution: Before attempting to turn on your AussieSheila, you must pay
close attention to her three main erogenous zones. These comprise: the
kitchen floor, the shower recess and the bathroom floor. Make sure you
give each of them a thorough rub, using a circular motion and lots of
elbow grease. Once your AussieSheila has observed her  AussieBloke on his
hands and knees, dressed in his shorty pyjamas, scrubbing out the shower
recess, you may find she has already turned herself on.

* Fault: My AussieSheila refuses to order dessert at the restaurant, but
then eats all of mine.
Solution: Order something she doesn't like.

Waivers and exclusions
* The word "help" should not be used, especially as part of the phrase "Can
I help with the housework?" Your AussieSheila does not want "help" with the
housework. She wants you to bloody well do your share. (damn sure!!!)

* Occasionally your AussieSheila will use language more befitting a Sydney
wharfie. This is not considered a fault but is merely a regional variation
in the language pack.

* Care should be taken with any observation relating to an AussieSheila's
shape or tummy size. You should only compliment an
AussieSheila on her pregnancy if you can see an actual baby emerging at the
time.

A final word
* While requiring more power than some models currently available overseas,
the AussieSheila remains a world beater in terms of responsiveness,
durability and excitement  albeit not always in ease of handling. Use your
AussieSheila with respect and care and you will enjoy years of dependable
and enjoyable service - service only available from the happy folks here
at AussieSheila. Enjoy!

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50 Years Together.......

A man and woman were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all
very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

'Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,' gushed son number one ...'Sorry I'm
running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know
how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.'

'Not to worry,' said the father. 'The important thing is that we're all
together today.'

Son number two arrived and announced, 'You and Mom look great, Dad. I just
flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop
for you.'

It's nothing,' said the father, 'We're glad you were able to come.'

Just then the daughter arrived, 'Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry,
but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I
didn't have time to get you anything.'

After they had finished dessert, the father said, 'There's something your
mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were
very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college.

Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very
much, but we just never found the time to get married.'

The three children gasped and all said, 'You mean we're bastards?'

Yep,' said the father. 'And cheap ones, too.'

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I knew they would finally release the ingredients in Viagra:

3% Vitamin E

2% Aspirin

2% Ibuprofen

1% Vitamin C

5% Spray Starch

87% Fix-A-Flat

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GOLF........

A gushy reporter told Phil Michelson, "You are spectacular; your name is
synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the
course. What's your secret?"
Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered"
----------------------------------------------


A young man and a priest are playing together.
At a short par 3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole
my son?"
The young man says, "An 8 iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his 8 iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don 't know about you father, but in my church when
we pray, we keep our head down."
----------------------------------------------

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5 iron
standing over a lifeless man. The detective! asks,
"Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her,
hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times ... just put me down for a
five."
 ----------------------------------------------

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was
standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here"?
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day,
is it?"

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2007 Australian Citizenship test (first of many)

1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of,
the term "died in the a*se"?

2. What is a "bloody little beauty"?

3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?

4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos
rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex
and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies
and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and
Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."

5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they
are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey,
Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume
between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?

6. Complete the following sentences:
a) "If the van's rockin' don't bother ...
b) You're going home in the back of a ...
c) Fair crack of the ...

7. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss

8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?

9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up
on blocks"? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?

10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage,
curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein,
chop suey or kai see ming?

11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?

12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.

13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds
like a bloke?

14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and
two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been
flogged from a bath full of ice?

15. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's
meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?

16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by
law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?

17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an
Esky or Ugg boots?

18. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?

19. Who would you like to crack on to?

20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue"
Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?

21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or
have a pool?

22. What does "sinkin piss at a mates joint and getten para" mean?

You may copy your mates answers, but you must have a pass rate of 50%

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Chef's spicy dip sparks terror raid

A pot of burning chillies sparked fears of a chemical attack on a busy
shopping street, reports said.
Police closed off three roads and evacuated homes in central London as a
cloud of noxious smoke filled the air.
But the source turned out to be some fiery food left cooking on a
restaurant stove.
Firefighters wearing protective breathing apparatus were called to D'Arblay
Street, Soho on Monday evening as members of the public were shepherded
away. The specialist crews then broke down the door of the Thai Cottage
restaurant.
They emerged around 7pm with a 9lb pot of chillies.
Staff at the restaurant said they were surprised by the reaction of the
emergency services.
Chef Chalemchai Tangjariyapoon told The Times: "I was making a spicy dip
with extra-hot chillies that are deliberately burnt.
"To us it smells like burnt chilli and it is slightly unusual. I can
understand why people who weren't Thai would not know what it was. But it
doesn't smell like chemicals. I'm a bit confused."
He was preparing Nam Prik Pao, a red-hot Thai dip served with prawn
crackers, the paper said. The dip is prepared with garlic,
shrimp paste, dried shrimp and vegetable oil.
A Scotland Yard spokesman said: "The street was closed off for three hours
while we were trying to discover the source of the odour."

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The Marine Corps found they had too many officers

The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted men.
It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for
retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line
between any two points in his body.

Those applying got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of
his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked
out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out
with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sergeant Major
who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip
of my penis to my testicles."

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had
received. But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with
him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Sergeant Major to "drop
'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip
of his penis and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed,
"Where are your testicles?"

The old Sergeant Major calmly replied "Baghdad!"

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Appointment

A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment.
The receptionist said to come right in.

She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room.
The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynaecologist
to please examine her vagina.

So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing
his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is
going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical
operation."

"I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am
here could you just replace the batteries? "

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A Maori bloke called Rangi

A Maori bloke called Rangi was driving through Rotorua, when off in the
distance he saw a booze bus (police).

Rangi thinks this is great and heads straight for it. He pulls up and Rangi
winds his window down and says,'Two cans of Lion Red thanks mate!!'

The copper looks at Rangi and says 'You must be drunk! Get out of your old
truck and blow into this bag for me.'

Rangi got out of the truck and said 'Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I
got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow
in that.'

The cop looks at him and with a bemused look says 'OK. In these cases we
require you to give a blood sample.'

'Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doing that either. I got a letter from the
Red Cross saying I'm a haemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry
Boss, can't do that' said Rangi.

By now the copper is getting fairly pissed off and finally demands a urine
sample for testing.

Rangi looks at him and says 'Sorry boss, can't do that either.'

The copper says 'Surely you can't have a letter for that!

'Bloody oath mate' says Rangi. 'It's from the government. Called the Treaty
of Waitangi. Says that you whites can't take the piss out of us Maori.'

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Fishing.
A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a
sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were
struggling helplessly in the water.
The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself
painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar.
Catching his breath, he puffed, "Please don't say a word about this to
anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced.
"Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my
men find out I can't walk on water."

Arguments between the sexes.
An argument is when two people are trying to get in the last word first.
Before you have an argument with your boss you had better take a look at
both sides, her side and the outside.
The only people who really listen to an argument are the neighbors.
The best way to win an argument with a woman is to hit her over the head
with a new coat.
Never argue with a women. You might win - and then you'll really be in
trouble.
After winning an argument with his wife, the wisest thing a husband can do
is apologize.
Nothing is more likely to start an argument with your wife than winning
one.
The argument that you've just won with your wife isn't over yet.
One thing a man learns from an argument with a woman is how to be a good
loser.
There are two times when you should NOT start an argument with a woman;
when she's tired - or when she's rested.

Fortunate
One criminal who was accused of several murders and robbery was sentenced
to death by the judge of the court. It was decided that the criminal will
be shot in front of a firing squad on a particular day.
On that very day, the weather was very foul. It rained cats and dogs. There
was no sufficient light to see anything clearly. But duty is duty so the
captain of the squad along with his five soldiers took the criminal and
started walking to the spot.
On the way the criminal told the Captain, "See, what a weather! I am not
afraid of death, but this day is not suitable for dying.
What do you think?"
"Truly, the weather is very foul", the Captain replied, "But you are
fortunate as you are only going, just think of our condition,
we have to go back!".

Silent, But Deadly.
I looked for the Elevator -
As I walked in the door ...
I was heading "Up" -
To the 32nd, floor ...
I mean, what the heck -
What else, do you do ...
It's not like, it was only -
Just a flight, or two ...
I pushed the button -
You always have to wait ...
Come on elevator -
I'm already late ...
Finally, it's here -
And as the door, opened wide ...
Seems like a hundred -
Must have ran inside ...
No biggie', I thought -
As we all squeezed together ...
Some of them said nothing -
Some talked, about the weather ...
Most, were looking up -
At the numbers, of the floors ...
A few looked straight ahead -
Staring, at the doors ...
Then, all of a sudden -
All eyes, got Big ...
And the guy behind me -
Started dancin', a jig ...
Coughing and gagging -
I wondered, what was wrong ...
A question, that was answered -
With a smell, that was strong ...
There was no noise -
So I knew, what it had to be ...
Someone had gassed us -
With an S.B.D. ...
Those big eyes, started watering -
People were, grabbin' their nose ...
It was obvious, that someone -
Needed to change, their clothes ...
Hands were reaching for the buttons -
Trying to stop, at the next floor ...
Let me out of here, they shouted -
I can't take, any more ...
The door finally opened -
The people were all in a panic ...
Was this, an Elevator -
Or was this, the Titanic...
We all made it off -
Including the one, that caused the stink ...
We didn't find out who it was -
Or they would have been dead, in a wink ...
The crowd disappeared -
No one, even wanted to talk ...
And for the first time, I didn't mind -
About 25 story walk ...

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Nursery Rhymes we didn't 't have as kids.........

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.

Jack and Jill Went Up The Hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you Dumb Ass"

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

Hey diddle, diddle the cat took a piddle, All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of electric shock.

Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay

There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her
forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad
... She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

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It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the
mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole
family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift
envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing
lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman
in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through
the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind
with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant
breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles,
and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him
a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill
sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too
wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your
last day, and that we should do something special for you.
I asked him what to give you."

He said, "F#@k him, give him a dollar!"

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

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Crowded in Heaven.


It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The
policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The
Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man,
"Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when
you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my
lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere
in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked
and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about
to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that
there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that
guy!

Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he Fell
to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and
bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even
more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could
get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought
of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony,
and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!

The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and
died almost instantly." The Angel sat back and thought a moment.

Technically, the guy did have a bad day,it was a crime of passion. So, the
Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of
Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was
John Howard." Mr. Howard, before I can let you in, I need to hear about
what your day was like when you died." Johnnie said, "No problem. But
you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of a 26th floor
apartment where we were staying for a conference doing my daily exercises.
I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve
my stress.  I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally
fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips
on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes
running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers.

Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which
broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on
the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push
his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and
lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Johnnie finishes his story. "I
could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.
"Very well," the Angel announces.  "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and
he lets Howard enter.

A few seconds later, Shane Warne comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost
too shocked to speak. Thoughts of demon bowlers or car accidents pour
through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr Warne, please tell me what
it was like the day you died."

Shane says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a refrigerator ..."

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I've just been to my first Muslim birthday party.

Musical chairs was a bit slow but pass the parcel was bloody fast.

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Sporting

A bloke chatted up an older woman at a nightclub. She was a right sort for
57. They drank a bit, had a bit of a snog and she asked if he had ever had
the
Sportsman's Double: a mother and daughter threesome?

He said: " No I haven't as it happens .." So they drank a bit more and then
she said: "tonight is your lucky night then!"

They quickly finished there drinks and went back to her house.... She put
on the hall light and shouted upstairs ... " Mum ! ... you awake?"

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A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.

She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.

He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit,

They passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.

Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.

He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted
and pounded his chest with his free hand.

He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.

He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her
lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even
more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband
suggested that she let one of her

Straps fall to show a little more skin.

She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

"Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This
drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung
her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.

"Now. Tell HIM you have a headache."

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[for those not in Oz this lot is about the biggest defeat in Australian
Rules Football history]

"What the difference between the Twin Towers and Port Power?
Nothing....they both come crashing down in September"

- - - - -

The average Port Adelaide girl

The seven dwarfs went off to work one day in the mine, while snow white
stayed at home to do the house work and cook their lunch.

However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there
had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.
Tearfully she yelled into the mine entrance. "hello is anyone there? Can
anyone hear me"

A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine:" port adelaide will win the
2007 premiership". "Thank god" snow white said " AT least DOPEY is still
alive

- - - - -

Q. What do you do for a drowning Power player?
A. Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.

- - - - -

Special Offer!
Buy one Port Adelaide football team, and they'll throw in the towel!

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Bob.
When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father
died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with So,
one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful
woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her,
"but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20
million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later
she became his stepmother.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

Cleverly done.... click on The Rake, press Play
 Click here

Overture for Mums
 Click here

Feeling Stressed? Tough day at the office? Feel like slapping someone?
Click on the box. Wait till it loads. Then move your mouse swiftly left
and right.
 Click here

Something to increase the paranoia
 Click here

Nutrition update
 Click here

A day at the beach in Korea!
 Click here

See Dick run
 Click here

Oops (or ouch)
 Click here

AirLine Pilot (a classic)
 Click here

No more mountain climbing for me!
This picture is from Western Australia.
 Click here

FW: Makes sense to me ...
 Click here

AIDS Stop and think
 Click here

Marriage
 Click here

How quickly the years pass
 Click here Click here Click here

Most beautiful girl
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here
Here's the catch. She's the winner of Thailand's Miss Transvestite 2005
Contest

On a scale of 1 to 10....
 Click here

Sex of a Bird
 Click here

Bear on Donner Pass Bridge California
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
This bridge is on the Old Donner Pass Highway.It has spectacular
Sierra Views and views of Donner Lake and Donner Pass on Route 80.
A bear was walking across Rainbow Bridge (Old Hwy 40 at Donner
Summit,Truckee) on Saturday when two cars also crossing the bridge scared
the bear into jumping over the edge of the bridge. Somehow the bear caught
the ledge and was able to pull itself to safety.
Authorities decided that nothing could be done to help Saturday night so
they returned Sunday morning to find the bear sound asleep on the ledge.
After securing a net under the bridge the bear was tranquilized, fell into
the net, lowered, then woke up and walked out of the net.

Why men shouldn't buy their own underwear
 Click here

Cracking the ice?
 Click here

Amazing New Photos of Winter (I'm not so sure about the igloo)
 Click here

Kiwis
 Click here

Not flying home today ...
 Click here

Worlds Riskiest Jobs
 Click here

And last but not least ...

Everybody raise your right hand!
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

      Ah-the-eah the-eah That's All (for this week) Folks!


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[ End friday humour ]

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