Friday humour - April 20, 2007

G'day from Deano at Bluehaze,

It has been a tragic week with the killing of 32 innocent people at
Virginia Tech in the USA by a student Cho Seung-Hui.

A quote from the editorial of Melbourne's "Age" newspaper summarises:
"Beyond the immediate grief, the saddest thing of all is that this will not
be the last bloodbath. On sheer numbers it is three times as bad as
Columbine High eight years ago when two teenagers shot dead 12 students and
a teacher then killed themselves. But as a proportion of the 30,000
Americans who die each year from guns it is but a smudge on the margins.
The nation is awash with weaponry: a third of the population own a gun;
more than 190 million guns are in circulation and more than 50,000 people
are wounded each year from gun fire.

The right to own guns is often portrayed as a battle for individual freedom
against the power of the state. To that end, gun rights groups spent about
$US35 million from 1997 to 2003 on lobbying politicians to maintain that
right. They have also contributed almost $20 million to candidates, 85 per
cent of whom are Republicans. The two main gun control groups have spent
less than $2 million. A federal ban on assault weapons has lapsed and, in
2005, a law was enacted to protect the gun industry from claims by victims
of gun violence.

Virginia Tech joins a long list of school shootings in the US. The pity is
that as death by gun becomes more commonplace, its violence settles into
the culture and eats away at the most basic of freedoms, the freedom to
feel safe."

It is ironic that one persons "constitutional right to bear arms" has such
a devastating impact on the rights of ordinary people to go about their
daily lives in peace.
Arguments for gun ownership that "guns don't kill people, people kill
people" are not valid when, if guns were not available the carnage from a
madman with a knife would be significantly less.


After that sombre note my favourite contribution this week is also from the
USA.  My kids will have no excuse to be late for school!
 Click here Click here


Now onto the jokes with a quality collection from Stonefish, Nottingham
Smithie, Cartographer Chris, Zalaga, Swinburne Sue and some that wish to
remain anonymous:


In 1986, Mbira Mboola was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from
University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull
elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed
distressed, so Mboola approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large
piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he
could, Mboola worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the
elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man,
and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several
tense moments. Mboola stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being
trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked
away.

Mboola never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mboola was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his
teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the
creatures turned and walked over to near where Mboola and his son Tapu
were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mboola, lifted its front
foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times
then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mboola couldn't help wondering if this
was the same elephant.

Mboola summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way
into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in
wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mboola's legs
and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant


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An Irish Story
An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor. The doctor, after an
examination, sighed and said, "I've some bad news. You have cancer, and
you'd best put your affairs in order".
O'Malley was shocked, but managed to compose himself and walk into the
waiting room, where his son had been waiting. "Well son, we Irish
celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go
well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the
pub and have a few pints."
After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were
some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of
O'Malley's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were
celebrating. O'Malley told his friends they were drinking to his
Impending end. "I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave
O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple of more beers.
After the friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered, "Dad,
I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends
you were dying of AIDS."
O'Malley said, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your Mother after
I'm gone..."

Gotta love the Irish...


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Don't tease an old lady

Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the
night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch
on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch
and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defence Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died
some 30 years ago.

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defence Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't
felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid
down and told Him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"

Defence Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, " April Fool!" And that's when I
shot him, the little bastard


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Exercise for mature adults

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room
at each side.
With a 5Kg potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
minute, and then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this
position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10Kg potato sacks.
Then try 50Kg potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can
lift a 100Kg potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more
than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks!


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Imagine the conversation between "God" and St. Francis on the subject of
lawns

GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
going on down there in the Towns and Cities? What happened to the
dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a
perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of
soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of
songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But all I
see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.
They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill
them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental
with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass
growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and
keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning
any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

God: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really
fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
it -- sometimes twice a week.

God: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

God: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.
And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, Sir.

God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them
a lot of work.

St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so
they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

God: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall
to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and
protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost
to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

St. Francis: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new
circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and
pay to have them hauled away.

God: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter
and to keep the soil moist and loose?

St. Francis: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something
which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of
the leaves.

God: And where do they get this mulch?

St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

God: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us
tonight?

St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a really stupid movie
about.....

God: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.


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Wheels of Life

Getting older has its drawbacks, but I guess there aren't too many good
alternatives to getting older. Whenever you see a gathering of seniors,
it is an even bet they are talking about everything that is wrong with
them.

  You know, the usual, memory, urinary problems, knees, eyesight, etc.,
etc.

  Well, I am a senior and I absolutely refuse to discuss these issues with
everyone else. If I have a problem, I find a solution. It is not always
the solution that I like, but I handle it the best way I know and
I don't discuss it with every person I see on the street that is past
62. No sir.... !!

  With this in mind, I bought myself a new scooter. I wanted something that
was easy on gas and could zip me to the store and about town. This seems to
meet my EVERY need.

  I love it!

  Remember:
  Senior Citizens Are Valuable

  We are more valuable than any of the younger generations:

  We have silver in our hair.
  We have gold in our teeth.
  We have stones in our kidneys.
  We have lead in our feet and,
  We are loaded with natural gas.


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A GROANER

A couple named Tate had had a life-long dream. They had always wanted to
own and operate their own business, but they never knew what business to
go into. Mr.Tate had always loved geography, so when they had enough money
to open a business, they decided to open a business that manufactured
compasses. They struggled with small orders, but one day landed the
biggest order of them all: the Boy Scouts of America ordered 10,000
compasses from the Tates.
Needless to say, the Tates were thrilled, but they weren't set up to
manufacture so many compasses. They worked day and night, struggling to
fill the order. Finally, they completed he manufacture and delivery of the
10,000 Tate compasses. Unfortunately, in their rush to fill the huge order,
they made a mistake. The blue coloured needle that was supposed to point to
magnetic north pointed south instead.
This was a major mistake. The boy scouts took their new compasses on hikes,
and many were hopelessly lost due to the faulty compasses. The boy scouts
never bought another Tate compass.
After all, they reasoned: "He who has a Tate's is lost."


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IRS
Father O'Malley answers the phone: "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"
"It is."
"This is the Income Tax Department. Could you please help us?"
"I will."
"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"
"I do."
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is."
"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"
"He will."


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Schedule of a Wife and Mother:

Attempt to wake husband.
Feed baby.
Make breakfast.
Change baby.
Wake kids.
Dress kids.
Walk dog.
Feed baby.
Drive kids to school.
Drag husband out of bed.
Do laundry.
Iron clothes.
Clean house.
Make husband lunch.
Feed and change baby.
Clean house again.
Walk dog again.
Pick up kids.
Pick up school stuff.
Clean up dog's mess.
Make dinner.
Call repairman, plumber, electrician, and exterminator.
Swat flies.
Yell at kids.
Put kids to bed.
Change baby.
Go to Wal-Mart to stand on line for three hours to get one bag of chips for
husband.
Clean house again.
Go to bed. Get up.
Comfort baby.
Let dog out.
Change baby.
Let dog in.
Get 10 minutes of sleep.


Schedule of a Husband and Father

Sleep.
Go to work.
Sleep.
Drink coffee.
Have wife pick up.
Watch football and drink beer.
Fall asleep.
Go to bathroom.
Lift one heavy object for begging wife.
Go to bed.
Get sleep while wife feeds baby.
But don't forget the wife - doesn't work ..... why should she be tired????


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A STUNNING SENIOR MOMENT

A very self-important yuppie attending a recent football game, took it upon
himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was
impossible for the older generation to understand his generation
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one",
the yuppie said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.

"The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space
travel, man walking on the moon, and our spaceships have visited Mars.
We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with
light-speed processing"

Pausing to take another drink of beer, the senior citizen took advantage of
the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't
have those things when we were young     so we invented them.

Now tell me, you arrogant little prick, what are you doing for the next
generation?"

The applause was resounding.


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Howard and the Devil
While on his morning walk, Prime Minister John Howard falls over, has a
heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency ward at his
nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul
arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a Liberal around these parts, so we're
not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer, "says
the PM.

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says
that since the implementation of his new HEAVENCHOICES policy, you have to
spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where
you'll live for eternity."

"But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies
Howard.

"I'm sorry... but we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that,
St Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down...all the
way to Hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course.
The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C
degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of
it is Bob Menzies and thousands of other Liberals luminaries who had
helped him out over the years --- Harold Holt, John Gorton, Bill
McMahon, etc. The whole of the Liberal Party leaders were there everyone
laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed.

They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times
they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play
a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

The Devil himself comes up to Howard with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila
and relax, John!"

"Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Howard, dejectedly.

"This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it
just gets better from there!"

Howard takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is
a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls
hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Liberals pulled with the
GST and the Free Trade Agreement promises.

They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to
go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Howard steps on the elevator
and heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is
waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says,
opening the gate.

So for 24 hours Howard is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other
than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse
joke among them.

No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not
caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody
he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special!

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Bob Menzies never prepared me
for this!"

The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in
Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."

With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background,
Howard reflects for a minute ... then answers: "Well, I would never have
thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all --but
I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down,
all the way to Hell.

The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched
earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, kind of like the
eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback.

He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained
together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black
plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black
with grime.

The Devil comes over to Howard and puts an arm around his shoulder. "I
don't understand," stammers a shocked John, "Yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and
drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a
wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, "Yesterday we were
campaigning; today you voted for us!"


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Smarter than the 5th Grade
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her
students and finally said, "Harry, what's your problem?"
"I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm
smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would
give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to
go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed
to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry:  "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry:  "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to
the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks,  "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
"Legs."
Ms. Brooks:  "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal began to sweat!
Harry replied:  "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks:  "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
"Pants."
Ms. Brooks:  "What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
"Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide but before he could stop the
answer,
Harry replied,  "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks:  "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and
a dog does on three legs?"
"Shake hands."
Ms. Brooks:  "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot
of heat and excitement?" The principal began trembling.
"Fire truck," Harry said.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in
the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.


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And now, this weeks pics and movies are from Muse, KRP from Coffs
Harbour, The Great Gussius, Whizzbang, Nottingham Smithie, Castlehill
Books Mob, Stonefish, Cartographer Chris, Moose and Anonymous


Subject: baggage complaint
 Click here

New Generation Nursery Rhymes
 Click here

It's good for you too
 Click here

Beer and G Strings
 Click here

Get your Priorities right
 Click here

Snowboarding
 Click here


INVITATION: June 30th Canoe Trip!

June 30th Canoe Trip
I am planning a trip for June 30, 2007 to the home of one of the earliest
Indian settlements.
The excursion will consist of a bus trip to the Cherokee Nation, and a
guided tour along the river which runs through it. Cost of the trip is
$629.00 P/P which includes food.

If you'd like to go too, book early, as I anticipate space will be
extremely limited.

We'll do some sight seeing, wildlife photography and that sort of thing..
The highlight of the trip will be the river tour. N o white water rapids,
but perhaps a few small bumps that might result in your getting a little
wet.

What makes the trip especially meaningful is that our river guide is a
full-blooded Cherokee; born and raised in the area, and extremely
knowledgeable of the territory and any obstacles we may encounter on our
journey.

Below is a photo of our guide , and the river we will be running.

If you are interested, let me know as soon as possible. This trip is often
sold out a year in advance.

OUR GUIDE
 Click here Click here
Her Name is UCAN TUCHUM
Don't forget...let me know if you would like a spot on the trip

Try this quick quiz
 Click here

Urgent Bulletin
 Click here

Good one
 Click here

3 stages of intoxication (XXX rated)
 Click here

Horses fall asleep too
 Click here

Stupid Dog
 Click here

Don't you just hate it when that happens?
 Click here

The bitch fairy
 Click here


Orgasmic Simulator
If you've  wondered how the other sex experiences an orgasm try this
Orgasmic Simulator
            Understand how a man experiences an orgasm:
            Understand how a woman experiences pleasure
 Click here


This is funny !] - XXX rated
 Click here

Strip poker commercial
 Click here


Wow THIS is a dog!
Read first then look at the picture.

Hercules: The World's Biggest Dog Ever According to Guinness World
Records

Hercules was recently awarded the honorable distinction of Worlds
Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records. Hercules is an English Mastiff and
has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds.
With "paws the size of softballs" (reports the Boston Herald), the
three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's standard
200lb. limit. Hercules owner Mr. Flynn says that Hercules weight is natural
and not induced by a bizarre diet: "I fed him normal food and he just
grew".... and grew, and grew, and grew.
 Click here

[ fake warning - Click here ]



Great Tequila
 Click here


Why you shouldn't swim in Oklahoma lakes

How would you like to see this on the other end of your fishing line?
Alligator Gar...8ft.10inches.....327 pounds.....

Okay, this is why people just disappear in the lakes in Oklahoma!
And yes, this is for real.
 Click here Click here Click here Click here


How to enter a club without waiting in line
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here


For a friend
 Click here

Baywatch, Kazakhstan Style
 Click here


Aussie Truck How good is this?
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here


Become a real Woman - a simple diploma course
Here's a blokes reply to last week's article, become a real man
 Click here

Indian Yoga vs Aussie Yoga
 Click here Click here


Orthopedic Bed For Men
Someone has finally made an orthopedic bed just for MEN.
"Pinch me I think I'm dreaming" bed.
 Click here
Available only at "Butts, Boobs and Beyond


Hailstorm in Sydney
Look at the dicks who stopped under the bridge......
 Click here


Weight watchers
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here


Read the instructions first- then click the link.
Modern technology ......WOW!!
She will say anything  you type.
When you  move the mouse around, her eyes follow the  pointer.
When you write  something in the left space and then click on "Say it," she
says  it!
You can also  change persons doing the talking and the language  they
speak.
Technology!   Quite amazing!!!!!!!
How do they do it????
 Click here

Idiot of the Year
 Click here

Men CAN multitask!!
 Click here


Top 20 T-SHIRT's
 Click here


Clever ads
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here


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And now back to the written stuff with more from Anonymous..


Why, Why, Why

do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is
not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialised?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give
the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping
cart then apologises for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well,
it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off
the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when
we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVOURITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

I've done my job and sent this email to you , now it's up to you to send it
on.


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


Finally, a good blonde joke!

Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the
guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff --
grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat
patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose
that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"


  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

And so endeth the lesson



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[ End friday humour ]

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