Friday humour - March 09, 2007

G'day from Deano at Bluehaze,

It has been a big week here at Friday Humour management.  The contributions
have been massive with great stuff sent in by so many of you.

My favourite contribution this week is a picture of how people rally
together and help each other after the tragedy of a flood.
 Click here


And now to the written stuff sent in by Whizzbang, Indigo-Flow, Burnout,
Swinburne Sue, Allnutts, Moose, Digi Maria, Nottingham Smithie and you know
who you are


PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run---anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you ???? "

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the
room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.


And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.


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A new spin on the Bear's household

The REAL story?

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning.....

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table, and he
looks into is small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?"
he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks
into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?"
he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
yells, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with
you idiots?

It was Mummy Bear who got up first.

"It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.

"It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.

"It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put
everything away.

"It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the
newspaper and croissants.

"It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

"It was Mummy Bear who took the dog for a walk, gave the dog their food,
and refilled their water.

" And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and
grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully,
because I'm only going to say this once........ .........

"I HAVEN'T had TIME to make the FU**ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"


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THE TOMATO FARM
An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three
kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an
aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage
of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you
into the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and
advise you when to start and where to report on your first day."

Taken aback, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer
nor an e-mail address.

To this the manager replies, "You must understand that to a company like
ours you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly
expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day."

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his
wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25 lb.
Crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy
corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the
tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more
that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with
several bags of groceries for his family.

During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day.
By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into
the night. He multiplies his profits quickly.

Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of
tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a
broken-down pickup truck.

At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their
neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying
the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community
college so she can keep books for him.

By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and
employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He
continues to work hard.

Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks
and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the
boys manage. The tomato company's payroll has put hundreds of homeless and
jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed over
one million dollars.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance.

Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his
new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail.
When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer and
has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, "What, you don't have
e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if
you'd had all of that five years ago!"

"Ha!" snorts the man. "If I'd had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping
floors at Microsoft and making $5.35 an hour."

Which brings us to the moral of the story:
Since you got this story by e-mail, you're probably closer to being a
janitor than a millionaire.

Sadly, I RECEIVED IT TOO.


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QANTAS - IT HAD TO HAPPEN

Quickies Available Now in Toilet Ask Staff


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Mr Tickle

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo
toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for
Her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
Door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is
backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The
Personnel Manager decides  he should see this for himself, so the 2 men
march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me
Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle
Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small
marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it
around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between
Elmo's legs. The  Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches
Lena . "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,
"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.


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It's sooooo dry in Australia that .....


+ HIH Insurance has come out of liquidation.

+ The Red Cross has launched a wet blanket appeal.

+ We're actually drinking the new Vanilla Coke

+ You're only permitted to eat watermelon between 8pm and 8am.

+ The Government has introduced a water pistol buyback scheme.

+ Thieves are siphoning off radiators instead of petrol tanks.

+ I'm encouraging the kids to wee in the pool.

+ Jesus has turned the wine into water

+ Philip Ruddock says that the so called children overboard fiasco wasn't a
lie, it was so they could walk to Australia .

+ Everyone is now an expert - because you can't find anyone who is wet
behind the ears .

+ All the bottom of the harbour tax schemes are re-surfacing.

+ I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

+ All the Baptists have become Anglicans.

+ When my daughter fainted it took three buckets of sand to bring her
around.

+ I've sent my indoor plants out on agistment.

+ All the dogs are marking their territory with chalk.

+ 4WDs actually HAVE got dirt on them.


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Be quiet ......

A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy
lunchtime.

They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with
pager.

As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee, she's fat!"

The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet.

A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as
they would go and announced; "I'll bet her butt is this wide!"

The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy.

The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.

After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line. Just
then, her pager began to emit a beep, beep, beep.

The little boy yells out, "Run for your life, she's backing up!!"


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Broadmeadows Hurricane Appeal

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and an earthquake measuring 5.8 on the
Richter scale hit Broadmeadows in the early hours of Thursday 15
Feb. 2007 - with its epicentre in Johnstone Street, Broadmeadows .

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately $30.00 worth of
damage.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
woken well before their Centrelink (dole!) cheques arrived.

The Hume Leader reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that
something interesting had happened in Broady .

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 3 said "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Kevin and Jason slept through it all."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on
as normal.

The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
Bacardi-Breezers to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers
are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
personal belongings, including Health Care Cards, jewellery from
Kleins and Bone China from Big W.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought after - items most needed include: baseball caps, tracksuits,
singlets (blue & white), white sport socks, reebok boots. Any other items
usually sold in Priceline or The Reject Shop. Food parcels may be harder
to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs urgently needed include:
Microwave meals, Baked beans, Ice cream, Chips, Fizzy drinks.

Donations:
$15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of winny blue 25s and a lighter to
calm the nerves of those worst affected.

**Breaking news**

Neighbouring Glenroy Uniting Church has cancelled their local "Nativity
Display" due to their inability to find three wise men or a virgin.

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Broadmeadows or Glenroy

.... Oh, stuff it, they won't be able to read it, anyway!

Faaackinell haha


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A recent medical survey

A recent medical survey asked 1000 women if their twat twitched after
sexual intercourse. 99% said that he just lay there scratching his balls.


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I'll bet they can

An airforce officer accused of drugging and kidnapping servicemen has been
convicted of raping four men and attempting to rape two others.
Prosecutor Maj. Kathleeen Reder praised the six victims for giving evidence
against him. She said: "These men can sit up a little straighter now. I am
proud of them."'


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SLAVERY

Yesterday a group of well-meaning folk set off on a 400-kilometre walk to
mark the 200th anniversary of Britain's abolition of the Slave Trade
Act and to call for former slave-trading nations to apologise for the
brutal, inhumane actions of their ancestors. They're walking from Hull,
the birthplace of William Wilberforce, a key figure in the swell to
abolition, to London, where they will march with the Archbishop of
Canterbury, who will be atoning for the church's part in the whole shebang.
Along the way, they will occasionally be dressing as slaves in yokes and
chains, enhancing the oral tradition and inventing the roots of rock and
roll. Just to hammer it home.

Tony Blair has expressed 'deep sorrow' about the slave trade, but he can't
seem to stop himself shilly-shallying around the subject and generally
weaselling about like a shifty little bastard with something to hide.

Andrew Winter, one of the marchers, spelled out to the press what was
required: 'Foremost we want to bring about an apology from Britain and
Europe and the slave trading nations, saying sorry for our involvement in
that.'

We can't see that it'll make a blind bit of difference to anybody frankly,
but if it'll make someone somewhere think they feel better, and maybe free
up some of their time to do something more constructive, then why doesn't
Blair just say:

'Listen. Well, firstly I'd like to say, that it wasn't me. You know, I
wasn't even born then, let alone, waging war on anyone. But obviously,
it was a terrible thing. Slavery is, always, a terrible thing. And I'm
sorry that people from this country - and indeed all the other countries,
it wasn't just Britain after all - were involved in what was a pernicious,
self-serving, immoral... state of affairs. Furthermore I'm sorry that
Britain has such, a rich history, of ruthless barbarity and,
even, bloodlust. I'm sorry that happened. I think the people who
perpetuated it were, frankly, swine. But again, it wasn't me. So, to
reiterate, I think it was a bloody disgrace, frankly, but it wasn't my
personal responsibility. Now, moving on to the 60,000 civilians killed so
far in Iraq, which I definitely did have a hand in...

Um.

Sorry.'

Or if he's not up for that, a simple 'sorry for our involvement in that'
will apparently suffice.

And then everything will be alright.


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The typical American knowledge of history

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the
co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about
landmarks over the PA  system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major
tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of
nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons,
struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris
for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a  mile across and
is 570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Shit! It just missed the
highway!"


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Thongs

The thong
What the hell is this?
A piece of string,
Round my ring
My god the world has gone amiss.
I spent my childhood avoiding wedgies,
A trick on kids,
To split their cheeks
And expose their skids
Is someone 'having a larf'?
With this object fashion has had us acquire,
A pair that is only arf,
Of everyone's modest attire.
Does it make the wearer look good?
With dimples and pimples,
Exposed, as they never should,
From this item that is oh so simple.
A health warning I suggest,
To prevent the large from believing,
Their buttocks to be slim and trim, the best,
Instead of obscene and heaving.
Trapped spider from the front,
Road kill with a plaster on,
Sporran on the outside,
Sexy and seductive, with rose tinted glasses on.
Sod the fashion, sod the look,
Give it back to the fisherman,
To fire his maggots upon the brook,
The fish wont care, once on his hook.
Bring back self respect for all,
Cover up your arse,
Put on some draws,
And dispense with this farce,
You look like 20lb in a 10lb bag,
Blotchy, knobbly and oozing about,
A droopy soggy looking hag,
Its time to tuck in, don't let it hang out.
So take this thing that you have bought,
Back to were it came,
Bring back V. P. L,
Tight trousers are never the same..


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Newsflash

The vandals that have plagued the Old Road, New Road area, have been
executed at last, by a local residents committee.
The hangings took place in Furnace Square, in front of a cheering crowd of
their victims. The gang of vandals, before they were hanged, were tortured
with blowlamps applied to their private parts, a procedure voted on by the
local residents beforehand. Some had wanted to torture them with
chainsaws, but this was thought to be too extreme.
The area of Old Road/New Road had been subjected to various acts of
vandalism over a period of a few weeks, including damage to parked cars
and damage to the fronts of houses. The vandals were eventually caught by
a group of local residents. "It was easy", said one, "one of the gang wore
a distinctive white 'hoodie', we soon found out where in Furnace they
lived".
Commenting on the execution, a spokesperson for the local police,
Inspector Watts, told us, "It is a very sad day that the residents  took
the law into their own hands. We cannot stress enough that law and order
should be left to the police". Asked why the police did not catch the
vandals, the  spokesperson said, "It was dark and we mislaid our torch".


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Rights of householders

In a startling new twist to the argument over the rights of householders in
dealing with burglars, the government has announced that from now on every
householder, confronted with a burglar breaking into their home,
will be obliged to make a cup of tea for the intruder. In the announcement,
Home Office Minister, Grant Threewishes, told a stunned
House of Commons, that the government is to bring in new legislation,
"spelling out the rights and responsibilities of householders who are
burgled".

Amongst the other new measures are laws, which ban householders from
raising their voices in the presence of a burglar and another,
preventing householders from locking their doors and windows. On the other
hand, burglars will be banned from asking for more than two biscuits with
their statutory cup of tea.

The Home Office Minister said that, "These new laws will redress the
balance between the obligations of the householder and the rights of the
burglar". A commons amendment to give burglars the choice of tea or coffee
is to be voted on tomorrow.


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Indian version of Bohemian Rhapsody

Naan, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle now he's dead.
Naan, dinner's just begun
But now I'm gonna throw it all away.
Naan, ooh, ooh Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back from the loo by this time tomorrow
Curry on, curry on
Cause nothing really Madras .
Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers down my spine
Bottom aching all the time
Goodbye onion bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
Naan, ooh, ooh
This dopiaza is so mild
I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all.

[guitar solo]

I see a little chicken tikka on the side
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh, pass the chutney made of mango
Vindaloo does nicely Very very spicy
Meat!
Byriani (Byriani)
Byriani (Byriani)
Byriani and a naan (A vindaloo loo loo loo)
I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to the lavatory
Stand you well back
'Case the loo is quarantined...
Here it comes
There it goes
Technicolor yawn
I chunder
No!
It's coming up again (There he goes)
I chunder, it's coming back again (There he goes)
Coming back again (up again)
Here it comes again.
(No no no no no no NO)
On my knees, I'm on my knees
On his knees, Oh, there he goes
This vindaloo
Is about to wreck my guts
Poor meee.. poor meeee... poor MEEEEEE!

[guitar solo]

So you think you can chunder and then feel alright?
So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Oh maybe, but now you'll puke like a baby
Just had to come out
It just had to come right out in here.

[guitar solo]

[slow bit]
Korma or dopiaza bhaji, naan or saag
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference
To meee....
(Any way the wind blows.... shshshsh)


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A South American Scientist, from Argentina

A South American Scientist, from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with insufficient sexual activity in their lives
tend to read their e-mails with their hand still on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off, it's too late....


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Nice technique

One night last week I was going to bed when my wife pointed out that I'd
left the light on in the garden shed.
As I looked out of the window I noticed that there were several people in
the shed, stealing our belongings. I immediately phoned the Police who
told me that there was nobody in that vicinity and that they'd send
somebody over as soon as they were available.

I said Fine then hung up. A minute later I rang back and said "Hi, I just
called a minute ago regarding a burglary taking place in my shed.
Well, I thought I'd let you know that there is no need to worry because
I've just shot them all."

Three minutes later a dozen police vehicles and armed response personel
were on my premises and naturally they caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the officers said - "Hey, I thought you said you'd shot them all?"

I responded - "I thought you said nobody was available!"


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Squid

A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day.
The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes.

"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man.
"O. K." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!!"

A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the
chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.

Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear
running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the
heart to kill the squid.

"Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous
German bloke comes out of the kitchen. "Sir", says the waiter,
"this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"

The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the
little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a
little cry.

"I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip
trembling.

"Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show.

That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. With mild green, hairy
lip squid!"


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Secret to a long marriage.

Secret to a long marriage.................
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage
marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share
some insight into  how he managed to live with the same woman all these
years. The husband replied to the audience, "Well,
I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her
travelling on special occasions."

The minister inquired trips to where?

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands,
Ralph! Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on
your 50th anniversary?"

Brother Ralph: "I'm going to go get her."


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Any style :))))

An Arab was interviewed at the US embassy;

Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,........ isn't it hostile?
Arab : Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul: Oh.......... dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast...


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A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED!!!

A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was
diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that
there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the
aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. Everybody got off the
plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked
by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay
quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot
approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in
Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your
legs?" The blind lady replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to
stretch his legs."

Picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete stand still when they
looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!
The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only
tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

True story.... Have a great day and remember...

THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.


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Today's lesson

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously
for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered
up anyway;

It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a
shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey
realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's
amazement he quietened down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was
astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the
donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step
up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of
the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to
getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our
troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by
not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less

NOW ............

On the other hand. . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who
had tried to bury him.

The gash from the bite got infected and  the farmer eventually died in
agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes
back to bite you. You have two choices... smile and close this page, or
pass this along to someone else to spread the fun.

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___


And now to the pics etc with a truly magnificent collection this week sent
in by The Great Gussius (A new contributor), Nottingham Smithie,
Zalaga, Muse, Swinburne Sue, Whizzbang, Cartographer Chris, Allnutts,
Burnout, Digi Maria, KRP from Coffs Harbour,Moose, and anonymous


Digital Editing
 Click here

Evidence of Global Warming
 Click here

Knife sharpening Middle Eastern style
 Click here

Stage 5 Water restrictions
 Click here

Stop Nuclear Testing
Warning: XXX
 Click here

REAL CAUSE OF OIL SHORTAGE
 Click here

A Cat Named Lucky
 Click here

If Giraffes lived in America
 Click here

Ikea adverts
 Click here

Gate too narrow???
 Click here

AMAZING BRIDGE
Have you ever seen a WATER bridge over a river ?

Even after you see it, it is still hard to believe !
WaterBridge in Germany . What a feat!
Six years, 500 million euros, 918 meters long.......now this is
engineering!
This is a channel-bridge over the River Elbe and joins the former East and
West Germany , as part of the unification project. It is located in the
city of Magdeburg, near Berlin.
The photo was taken on the day of inauguration. To those who appreciate
engineering projects, here's a puzzle for you armchair engineers and
physicists.   Did that bridge have to be designed to withstand the
additional weight of ship and barge traffic, or just the weight of the
water?

Answer:
It only needs to be designed to withstand the weight of the water!
Why? A ship always displaces an amount of water that weighs the same as the
ship,  regardless of how heavily a ship may be loaded.

 Click here

dynamite surfing
 Click here

New Perfume from Bali
 Click here

Michelin Man denies paternity
 Click here

Whoops
 Click here

What's In A Name???
The fact that Pho is pronounced Fuh doesn't help.
In California, I'm told.    :-)  :-)  :-)
 Click here

How to get kicked out of Disneyland
Mother and daughter banned for life from Disneyland
YEP - Those are their real boobs!
 Click here

Losing a friend
 Click here

Puppy needs a home
My neighbor has a puppy he's giving away (FREE!).
It's a Dachshund, it's house broken, and it's great with kids.
He's giving it away because his wife says the dog 'stares' at her when she
is undressing , and that gives her the 'Heebie Jeebies'. I think she is
just weird !
If you're interested, or know someone who is, let me know.
Here's a picture of the dog.
 Click here

The REAL meaning of stretch jeans!!!
 Click here

double vision
 Click here

Who Let The Dogs Out
 Click here

Gotta Love Those Aussie Commercials!
 Click here

Now that's an igloo
 Click here

No smoking
 Click here

The Hedgehog Song
 Click here

I thought you might like to keep abreast of the times
A little bit XXX rated :o)
 Click here

The Fly Story -
Don't do anything, just watch,
Sit back and enjoy--no scrolling.
Follow instructions!
 Click here

Parents wish
 Click here

A geographical one
 Click here

Chopper
Send $$$$$ now to secure yr new ring tones from Chopper!
 Click here

A message from God
 Click here

The Pool
 Click here

Piglet at play.
WHO SAID PIGS  WERE DUMB?/
 Click here

Guns And Idiots...
 Click here

Worlds tallest building ????
 Click here

Near misses (A MUST SEE)
 Click here

When it's time to quit being a 'Biker Chick'
 Click here

Painted Cats.
FYI......These paint jobs cost $15,000 and they need to be repeated
every 3 months as the cat's hair grows out..........
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Shut up the kids
 Click here

Dumb Ass Americans !!
 Click here

Funny Small Ads
 Click here

Computer Humour
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here Click here
 Click here Click here

Beatbox Cooking
Wait till it has fully streamed before playing!
Open the below webpage:
 Click here

From: Burnout
Recruiting a Wildlife Warrior
 Click here

  ___._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.____._-fh-_.___

And that is all for this week folks.  Keep the contributions coming.

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[ End friday humour ]


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