Friday humour - December 31, 2005

     From Davo at Bluehaze:

Thanks to all the readers who have sent Christmas and New Years wishes to
Tony and me.

So there was no issue this week ... give us a break!  We have been
renovating the Bluehaze Solutions offices and even gave the tea lady the
week off.

Friday Humour will return in 2006 in its new totally sanitised sedition-free
format.  Keep sending your stuff!

Happy New Year to you all.


  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

These greetings arrived from UK Smithy in Nottingham ...

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.

* Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on
envelopes - cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
seal an envelope.

* Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because
of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it can
remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.

* I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

* I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

* I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

* I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

* I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214
angels looking out for me.

* Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

* I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the
internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the1,387,258th time).

* I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special on-line email program.

Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will
now return the favour! If you don't send this email to at least 144,000
people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of
diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EST) this afternoon. I know
this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's son, who is
actually a lesbian trapped in a mans body!


And from Tony at Bluehaze (t'other FH editor):

   Your message as above didn't go out originally, but I'm forwarding
it now.  The list had turned itself off - part of the spam protection
we added about 12 months ago ;-)   I also just noticed this one from
John over in NJ - guess that's what you were referring to?

  Dear Bluehaze,

  No Friday humor today?  It makes my whole weekend.  I guess you guys need
  a break too.

  Well, Happy and prosperous New year to all!

    John Hayes,
    New Jersey U.S.A

Yep, you guessed it right, John - nothing this week ... at least, I thought
so until Davo posted the above!  Get back to your NYE break, Davo - my kids
have got an NYE party going here right at the moment - I can't even hear
myself type, but they're having a ball :-)  Still about 40c here, too - may
have to go and jump in someone's pool up the hill soon!

   Cheers y'all - all the best for 2006

     Davo and Tony (at the blue haze)
[ End Friday humour ]

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