Friday humour - October 24, 2003

     From Davo at bluehaze:

G'day and Yo

Well the Great Man (Dubya) has been and gone and said all that we've heard
before.  The best part was Greens Leader Bob Brown being thrown out of
Parliament.  Mr Brown interjected as to whether the US had shown respect for
the Iraqi people.  Unfortunately there was no scripted answer ...  It would
have been alot cheaper and less painful had George Jnr stayed at home and
sent us a card and a video.

This weeks interesting web site is a webcam from Bonnie Susan in Edinburgh -
aka Kiz, Hector, or Ian: Click here

The images cycle through views of The Balmoral Hotel, a close-up of Princes
Street, The Pentlands, The Bank of Scotland buildings, a view over the City
with the Royal Scottish Academy in the Foreground and the Forth Rail Bridge
in the distance, Waverley Bridge and Princes Street, Princes Street Gardens,
The Scott Monument, Hanover Street and The River Forth with Burntisland in
the distance.

Very nice and couth!  Fit for a Duke ...  Also worth a look is the view from
The Mound: Click here

There's heaps more Scottish webcams at Click here

Thanks Hec! - who manages to attend Edinburgh Uni in between playing
BattleZone, cruising in the Land Rover, and boozing.  Any more interesting
webcams from all over gratefully received.

Before you read the funnies try and win this new-wave 20 Questions game sent
in by Dave Allnutts: Click here

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First up this week - Sister Carol

                            GOOD OLD JUSTICE

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in
bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the
balcony of their 20th-floor assisted-living apartment, killing him

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had
anything to say in defence of herself. "Your Honour," she began coolly, "I
figured that at 92, if he could fuck, he could fly."

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   From Delish Malish

                           THE GAME HUNTER

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his
hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute
that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognise
any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he
would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal. The
hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks,
and so the bet was on.

They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After
feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Bear." Then he felt the bullet
hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right.

They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He
took a bit longer this time and then said, "Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle.
He was right again.

Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against
a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and
went to sleep.

The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a
shiner. He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk
enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black

His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your
hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced,
"Skunk, killed with an axe."

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   From Allnutts ...

                             THE TWO DRAWS

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them
to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse
by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting
out cries of........... Here I come again.. ONE, TWO, THREE... UGH!" ....
all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, How did it go?"

The first mutters, It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?  I couldn't
even get on the bed ..."

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   This weeks pics are from DigiSteve, David T, Deanna, Trina, Rowan, UK Joe,
   Tripple J Annie, The QCAT AllStars, Malisja, and Ty.

Insurance claims
 Click here Click here

Crackpots at work Click here

Sign from above Click here

Progress Click here

Dog day Click here

You be the judge Click here

Visiting the Vet Click here

Welcome to Earth Click here

The morning after Click here

Whatever happened to Wonder Woman?  Click here

Holding your booze Click here

Cop this Click here

Bad day Click here

Them there eyes Click here

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       From Minnesota Scott

A priest was walking along the corridor of the parochial school near the
preschool wing when a group of little ones were trotting by on the way to
the cafeteria. One little lad of about three or four stopped and looked at
him in his clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you dress funny?"

He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform priests wear.

Then the boy pointed to the priest's plastic collar tab and asked, "Do you
have an owie?"

The priest was perplexed till he realised that to him the collar tab looked
like a band aid. So the priest took it out and handed it to the boy to show
him. On the back of the tab are raised letters giving the name of the

The little guy felt the letters, and the priest asked, "Do you know what
those words say?"

"Yes I do," said the lad who was not old enough to read. Peering intently at
the letters he said, "Kills ticks and fleas up to six months!"

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayers, which began, "Dear
Harold." At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, how come you
called God 'Harold'?"

The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You
know, in the prayer we say, 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be Thy

And this particular four-year-old continued, "And forgive us our trash
baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

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       Thoughts for the Week:

This letter about the possible reasons for terrorism is very well thought
out and expressed.  It was published in The Age letters column on Tuesday 21
Oct 2003: Click here

If only the world's most powerful leaders would think about and discuss
these things.

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[ End Fri humour ]

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