Friday humour - November 22, 2002

     From Davo at bluehaze:


Yo and G'day

   Well - here we all are!  Most of us anyway.  My contribution of two weeks
   ago certainly raised a few eyebrows.  Good old Tony seemed to enjoy it and
   on the actual (should that be virtual?) Friday had lit up like Luna Park.
   I must thank him for his support.  (Except it didn't fit!)

   Things sometimes get away from you as well.  I didn't expect Tony to chop
   all the CSIRO women off - but perhaps it was the quickest fix.  And most
   didn't like being chopped off - and are happily back to do their worst.

   I must warn certain people of the masculine persuasion that if you seem to
   be forming a cartel of criticism  Bluehaze will chop you off before you can
   say "Ding Dong It's Dinnertime".  Get in first. Unscubscribe now!!

   I myself, Tony, and me, are absolutely unanimous in this.  Friday Humour is
   an equal opportunity area - in that all jokes submitted are treated equally.

   And we are gonna stuff up from time to time - as we do - at least in some
   people's opinions.  But I'm sure neither of us intends to upset anyone.  We
   - thankfully - live in a free country.  Friday Humour is hardly subversive -
   but let's face it is somewhat tabloid journalism at its worst.  All we can
   do is package together what is submitted as a reflection of what you - the
   Bluehaze subscribers - want.  You submit better stuff - and we'll be dragged
   upmarket.
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    First up, couple from Kero Steve ...

                  GRUESOME STORIES OR URBAN LEGENDS?

An air hostess, as she passed along the aisle of the plane on the
transatlantic flight from Amsterdam to New York noticed that the baby,
nestled between the couple who were asleep, didn't look very well in fact it
looked extremely ill. Not wanting to disturb anyone she gently lifted up the
baby and took it back to her station. Feeling the baby's forehead, she found
it was cold and with a sudden panic she realised that the infant was dead.
Calling upon a doctor she knew to be on board, he examined the baby and
confirmed that, not only was it dead, but it was embalmed. The child's body
had been hollowed out and it was full of the drugs that the couple were
trying to smuggle into the States.


A young lady is alone in her apartment. She goes to bed with her dog on the
floor beside her. In the middle of the night, she is woken up by a strange
sound. She is alarmed, but reaches down to the dog, who licks her hand. She
is reassured and goes back to sleep. In the morning, she finds the dog hung
in the shower. Where the dog slept, she picks up a note which reads 'Humans
can lick too,"


A woman living in the city {Salt Lake} was visiting friends in Ogden. When
she got into her car in front of this friend's house, she noticed that a car
started up right behind her car. It was about 2:00 in the morning, and there
weren't any other cars on the road. After she had driven to the highway, she
began to think that this car was following her. Some of the time he would
drive up real close to her car, but he wouldn't ever pass. She was really
scared to death and kept speeding to try to get away from him. When she got
to Salt Lake, she started running stop lights to get away from him, but he
would run right through them too. So when she got to her driveway she pulled
in really fast, and this guy pulled in right behind her. She just laid on
the horn, and her husband came running out. Just then, the guy jumped out of
the car, and her husband ran over and said, 'What the hell's goin' on here?"
So he grabbed the guy, and his wife said, "This man's followed me all the
way from Ogden." The man said, 'I followed your wife because I was going to
work, and as got into my car, I noticed when I turned my lights on, a man's
head bob down in her back seat." So the husband went over to her back-seat,
opened the door, and there was a deranged man sitting on the floor with a
knife in his hand.


Two roommates remain at their deserted college dormitory over a holiday
break. One of the girls goes out on a date that evening, and the other one
turns in and goes to bed before her roommate returns. Later that night the
sleeping girl is awakened by gurgling and scratching noises coming from
outside the hallway door. Frightened, she locks the door and cowers inside
the room until morning. When the girl finally opens the door and ventures
outside, she discovers the bloody corpse of her roommate in the hallway. The
murdered girl's throat had been slit, and she had bled to death in the
hallway while clawing at the door.


In Berlin, after World War II, money was short, supplies were tight, and it
seemed like everyone was hungry. At that time, people were telling the tale
of a young woman who saw a blind man picking his way through a crowd. The
two started to talk. The man asked her for a favour: could she deliver the
letter to the address on the envelope? Well, it was on her way home, so she
agreed. She started out to deliver the message, when she turned around to
see if there was anything else the blind man needed. But she spotted him
hurrying through the crowd without his smoked glasses or white cane. She
went to the police, who raided the address on the envelope, where they found
heaps of human flesh for sale. And what was in the envelope? A note saying
'This is the last one I am sending you today,"


A male flight attendant was stopping over at Japan. He went to a local bar
where a Japanese man and woman approached him. They chatted and had a drink,
The man gave him an old traditional Japanese drink. The next memory the
flight attendant had, was when he woke up in a bath of ice in a pain in his
stomach. He managed to pull himself out the bath and phone the police. He
told them everything he could remember, the policeman described the two
people and the man said that's what they were like. The policeman calmly
told him to get back into the bath and sit there till the police and
ambulance had arrived. The mans kidney's had been removed.
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                                 CHEERS

    And which drink is yours...

Seven bartenders were asked if they could identify personality on what
drinks were chosen. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost
all counts.

The results:

IF WOMEN DRINK:

Drink : Beer.
Personality : Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach : Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink : Blender drinks with umbrella.
Personality : Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach : Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink : Mixed drinks - no umbrellas
Personality : Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Approach : If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

Drink : Wine - (bottled not 4 litre cask)
Personality : Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach : Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Drink : Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka Mule, etc.
Personality : Easy - thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually =
has absolutely no clue.
Approach : Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.

Drink : Baileys.
Personality : Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach : Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

Drink : Shorts (Vodka, Aftershock etc.).
Personality : Hanging with male pals or looking to get drunk... and naked.
Approach : Easiest hit in the pub. Nothing to do but wait.

IF MEN DRINK:

As always, very simple and clear cut.

Cider : He's probably underage and wants to get laid.

Cheap Domestic Beer : He's poor/student and wants to get laid.

Premium Local Beer : He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Bitter : He's old, he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes expensive beer and wants to get laid.

Guinness : The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

Wine : He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image
and help him get laid.

Vodka or Brandy : Extremely horny hound, would sh*g a warm scarf. Desperate
to get laid.

Port : Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

Whisky : He doesn't give two sh*ts about anything and will hit anyone who
will get in his way of getting laid.

Jack Daniel's : Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about
feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting
laid.

Tequila : Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc. : He's a nancy (Blatantly)
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    From Malisja:

                        THE ROADHOUSE INCIDENT

Two cowboys from Arizona walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from
their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking their beers and talking
quietly about cattle prices.

Suddenly a woman at a table behind them, who had been eating a sandwich,
begins to cough. After a minute or so it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress, and the cowboys turn to look at her.

Kin ya swaller?" asks one of the cowboys. No", signals the woman,
desperately shaking her head. Kin ya breathe?" asks the other.

The woman, beginning to turn a bit blue, shakes her head " No" again.

The first cowboy walks over to her, lifts up the back of her skirt, yanks
down her pants, and slowly runs his tongue up and down between the woman's
bum-cheeks. This shocks the woman to a violent spasm, the obstruction flies
out of her mouth, and she begins to breath again. The cowboy slowly walks
back over to the bar and proudly takes a drink of his beer. His partner says
in admiration, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but I
ain't never seen nobody do it before.
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       From sunny QCAT ...

                           LETTER FROM GRANDMA

Dear Friend,

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If
You Love Jesus" bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I
bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought
about the Lord and how good He is.......... and I didn't notice that the
light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he
hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love
Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and
then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO!
Jesus Christ, GO!"

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! everyone started honking! I
just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these
loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from the coast back there because I heard him
yelling something about a "sunny beach"........ I saw another guy waving in
a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my
teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was
probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave
him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing....... he was
enjoying this religious experience, too!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they
got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to
pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had
changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers, grinning and drove on
through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the
intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I
had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car
down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign
one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Love Grandma
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                  FOUR JEWISH BROTHERS - A SWEET STORY!

Four Jewish brothers left home for college, became a lawyer, a doctor, a
hedge fund operator, and a retailer. They all prospered.

Some years later, chatting after a Chanukah dinner, they discussed the gifts
that they were able to give to their elderly mother that year.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama in Florida."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the
house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her a 600SL with a
chauffeur."

The fourth said, You know how Mama loves to read Torah and now she can't see
so well. I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took
twenty rabbis 12 years to teach! him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000
a year for twenty years ,but, it was worth every cent. Mama just has to name
the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mama sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:

"Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have
to clean the whole house. Thanks so much."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered,
so I never use the Mercedes... and the driver is a Nazi. A million thanks."

"Menachem, you give me a theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people,
but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind.
Thanks anyway. Dont worry about me."

"Dearest Moshe, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a
little thought to your poor Mama. "The chicken was delicious."
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                             THE CONFESSION

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the
confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend across the street, and
asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to do.
The priest told him that it was actually a very simple route, come on over,
and he will show him what to do.

The rabbi came. He and the priest sat and waited in the confessional. A few
minutes later, a woman came in and said, "Father, forgive me for I have
sinned."

The priest asked, "What did you do, my child?" The woman said, "I committed
adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two
Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more."

A few minutes later, a man entered the confessional, and said, "Father,
forgive me for I have sinned." Priest: "What did you do, my child?" Man: "I
committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Man: "Three times." Priest:
"Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more."

The rabbi told the priest that he thought he's got it, and he'll do it. The
priest left.

A few minutes later, another woman entered and said, "Father forgive me for
I have sinned." Rabbi: "What did you do?" Woman: "I committed adultery."
Rabbi: "How many times?" Woman: "Once." Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We
have a special this week, three for $5."
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      From little Di:

                WHAT A DIFFERENCE 30 YEARS MAKES!

I hope you don't feel too old today - maybe this can help?

Any of this sounds familiar to you?? I bet it does!

What a Difference 30 Years Makes!

* 1972 Long hair
* 2002 Longing for hair

* 1972 Rolling Stones
* 2002 Kidney Stones

* 1972 Being called into the principal's office
* 2002 Calling the principal's office

* 1972 Screw the system
* 2002 Upgrade the system

* 1972 Disco
* 2002 Costco

* 1972 The perfect high
* 2002 The perfect high yield mutual fund

* 1972 KEG
* 2002 EKG

* 1972 Acid rock
* 2002 Acid reflux

* 1972 Moving to California because it's cool
* 2002 Moving to California because it's warm

* 1972 Growing pot
* 2002 Growing pot belly

* 1972 Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
* 2002 Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

* 1972 Seeds and stems
* 2002 Roughage

* 1972 Popping pills, smoking joints
* 2002 Popping joints

* 1972 Killer weed
* 2002 Weed killer

* 1972 Hoping for a BMW
* 2002 Hoping for a BM

* 1972 The Grateful Dead
* 2002 Dr. Kevorkian

* 1972 Going to a new, hip joint
* 2002 Receiving a new hip joint

* 1972 Parents begging you to get your hair cut
* 2002 Children begging you to get their heads shaved

* 1972 Taking acid
* 2002 Taking antacid

* 1972 Passing the drivers' test
* 2002 Passing the vision test

* 1972 Whatever
* 2002 Depends

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change
things. Each year, the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a
list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's
incoming freshmen.

Here's this year's list: The people who are starting college this fall across
the nation were born in 1983 and:

* They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
* Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
* Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
* The CD was introduced the year they were born.
* They have always had an answering machine.
* They have always had cable.
* They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
* Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
* Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
* They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
* They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
* They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
* They never heard "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or
"de plane, Boss, de plane".
* They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
* Michael Jackson has always been white.
* McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
* They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies in your life.
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     Now for the pics, and ...

                            *** WARNING ***

Some people may find some of these offerings somewhat distasteful.  Somehow,
Sometime, Somewhere.  SBS recommends viewing only with your head and the
monitor both under a thick dark blanket and insists that your right hand
remains on the mouse and your left hand on the ALT-TAB keys at all times.

These pics courtesy of German George, David Tiley, Steve K, Trina, Highett Dave,
Little Di, and some anonymous people at QCAT (obviously hiding in the shade).
Disgusting!  Now if only they all worked in the same place we could round
them up take them outside and give them a good flogging.


We're in good hands Click here

Every woman's dream Click here

A bit obscure Click here

Deep thinker Click here

Sexy grin Click here

Message of the day Click here

Busy Morning Click here

Happy Larry Click here

Chemistry or biology? Click here

Bad hair day Click here

Father forgive me Click here

Cool it Click here

Touching story Click here

Just an illusion Click here

Just a sign Click here

Clear thinking Click here

Colourful language Click here

Flying high Click here

New rules Click here

Nice surprise ending to the pics Click here
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    More ASCII now - with a couple from Minnesota Scott ...

                          A LETTER FROM CAMP

Dear Mum and Dad:

Our scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on
TV and were worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags
got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on
the mountain looking for Jimmy when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Jimmy's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write
because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It
was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it wasn't for the
lightning. Scoutmaster Walt got mad at Jimmy for going on a hike alone
without telling anyone. Jimmy said he did tell him, but it was during the
fire so he probably didn't hear him.

Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The
wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did. Also some of our clothes.
John is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Walt gets the car fixed. It
wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left.
Scoutmaster Walt said that a car that old you have to expect something to
break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a neat
car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets
us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let
us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and
talked to us.

Scoutmaster Walt is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact,
he is teaching Terry how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't
any traffic. All we ever see up here is logging trucks.

This morning, all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in
the lake. Scoutmaster Walt wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Jimmy
was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe
across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the
water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Walt isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad
about the lifejackets. He has to spend a lot of the time working on the car
so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in
the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.

Wade and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Walt said it probably was just food
poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with
food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster.
He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing
his time.

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy bullets.
Don't worry about anything. We are fine.

Love, Brandon

PS: How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?
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                         LIFE ON THE COMPUTER

      A computer was something on TV,
      From a science fiction show of note;
      A window was something you hated to clean,
      And ram was the father of a goat.

      Meg was the name of a girlfriend,
      And gig was a job for the nights,
      Now they all mean different things,
      And that really means mega bytes.

      An application was for employment,
      A program was a TV show,
      A cursor used profanity,
      A keyboard was a piano.

      Log on was adding wood to the fire,
      Hard drive was a long trip on the road,
      A mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
      And a backup happened to your commode.

      Cut you did with a pocket knife,
      Paste you did with glue,
      A web was a spider's home,
      And a virus was the flu.

      I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper,
      And the memory that's in my head;
      I hear nobody gets killed in a computer crash,
      But when it happens, they wish they were dead.
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      From Wellington Ben

                           Top 25 NZ Movies

           25. James Tu Meke Bond is 007 in "Paua Finger"
           24. Seven Wahines For Seven Bros
           23. Onehunga Jones And The Tiki Of Doom
           22. There's Something About Maui
           21. The Wizard of Otara
           20. Tuatara On A Hot Tin Roof
           19. Pa Wars Part 3: Return of Jake Heke
           18. King Arthur: Prince of the Tui Tekas
           17. Rebel Without A Holden
           16. Rangi Hood
           15. Gone (after robbing the corner dairy) in 60 seconds
           14. Four Hangis and a Tangi
           13. James Tu Meke Bond is 007 in "Red-Stoned Eye"
           12. Nightmare On Eketahuna St Part 2: The Whanau's Back
           11. Goodbye Kumara Pie
           10. The Ngaruawahia Chainsaw Massacre
            9. Pa Wars Part 2: The Kaumatua Strikes Back
            8. I Know What You Stole Last Summer
            7. Lock Stock and Two Smoking Bros
            6. Fear and Loathing in RotoVegas
            5. My Favourite Maori (The Disney Classic) starring Winston Peters
            4. James Tu Meke Bond is 007 in "The South Island Is Not Enough"
            3. Pa Wars Part 3: Returning the Land
            2. Onehunga Jones and the Waka Raiders of the Lost Whanau
            1. Aroha Powers: International Bro of Mystery


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       Penultimately - from Rowan Davo:

                            RULES OF ORDER

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
   isn't looking good either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they
   go flying by.

3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they isn't there the
   first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

6. I DON'T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.

7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought
   to myself, "where the heck is the ceiling?"

8. My reality check bounced.

9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

10. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and
    taste good with sauce.

13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

14. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat
    you with experience.

15. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the arse.

16. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month
    than you did before.

18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will
    happen to you the rest of the day.

21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

22. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

23. Following the rules will not get the job done.

24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by
    reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

25. Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.

26. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

27. Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.

28. If at first you don't succeed... skydiving isn't for you.

29. Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the
    time and have the time of your life.

30. When everything is coming your way...... you're in the wrong lane!

31. The light at the end of the tunnel is probably an oncoming train.

32. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

33. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit
    there.

34. Politicians and nappies have one thing in common; they should both be
    changed regularly, for the same reason.

35. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears
    that this is true.

36. There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse
    every year.

37. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

38. I am a nutritional overachiever.

39. I am having an out of money experience.

40. I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

41. Practice safe eating: Always use condiments.

42. A day without sunshine is like night.

43. If marriage were outlawed only outlaws would have in-laws.

44. It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask
    you the questions.

45. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

46. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

47. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

48. Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.

49. You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you
    stopped laughing.

  ~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~


           And finally - a quickie from David T

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,
yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by
him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me
all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my
side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started
failing, you were still by my side.  You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with
warmth.

"I think you're bad luck, get away from me ."

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                          QUOTE OF THE WEEK

(Courtesy of David T who says "an apt quotation ... considering the times.)


"The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between
 one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to
 long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish squirting out ink."


  -  George Orwell, Politics and the English Language (1950),
     quoted in the Oxford Dictionary of Literary Quotations (1997)

  ~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~oOo~~fin~~oOo~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~

[ End Fri humour ]


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