Friday humour - November 23, 2001

     From Davo at Bluehaze:

Greetings and salutations ...

              H A P P Y     T H A N K S G I V I N G !

to all our friends in North America.  Don't forget to stuff that turkey!

As most readers are tiring of Melbourne weather reports here is one for
Chicago - hopefully it might inspire Nestor to submit some more funnies.

                    -#-- Thanksgiving Day --#-
Mostly sunny. Highs in the upper 50s. South winds 10 to 20 mph.  Night -
Increasing cloudiness. Low in the lower to middle 40s. South winds
10 to 15 mph.
                         -#-- Friday --#-
Cloudy. Highs in the middle 50s.  Night - Showers likely. Lows around 50.
Chance of rain 70 percent.
                         -#-- Saturday --#-
A 40 percent chance of early showers...then becoming partly cloudy and
windy. High in the middle 50s.  Night - Partly cloudy and breezy. Low in
the middle 30s.

(Hey the middle 30s to high 50s Fahrenheit are in the 2 to 15 range in
Centigrade - so what have we in Marvellous Melbourne to grumble about?)

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 *** - Firstly Nick Hamilton's clever solution to last weeks puzzle - ***

You can work out the combinations with only one comb selection?

Because ALL of the hats are incorectly labelled, In the hat with a WW label,
you can have either a BB or a BW comb combination, similarly, in the hat
with the BB label, you can have either a WW or a BW comb combination and
finally, from inside the hat with a BW label, you can have either a WW or a
BB comb combination.

So what you do is select the hat with the BW label on it, remove one comb
(which will be either White or Black) and from above, the other comb must be
the same colour (so contained is either BB or WW). By elimination, this
removes one of the variables pertaining to the other two hats and their
contents.... ie, if we deduce that the comb combination in the BW hat is WW,
then this reduces the options for the BB labeled hat to just BW combs.
Similarly, if we draw a Black from the BW labeled hat (hence contents is BB)
then this reduces the options for the WW labelled hat just BW combs. The
remaining hat can then be worked out by the process of elimination, ie if we
have identified the first two, then there is only one other option. So from
taking one comb out of the BW labeled hat, all other comb combinations fall
out.

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And just to get you into thinking mode he's a snappy 60 second quiz courtesy
of "The Age" newspaper.
[ NB: Sentences in the lower panel rendered incompletely on all my browsers but
  I assume that's a bug rather than part of the puzzle?   Ed.]

    Click here

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     The Allnutt upon Highett selection ...  [a selection of one: Ed]

                               Soap

One morning 2 priests head to the showers and it isn't until they are already
in the shower they both realise they did not bring any soap.

Father Jack decides he'll run back for the soap.  He checks out the hallway,
and sees no one around, so rather than get dressed he decides to make a run
for it.  He again checks the hall before heading back to the showers -
all clear, so he makes a break for it.  Just as he turns the corner to the
showers, he spots three nuns walking towards him.  With no where to go, he
stands perfectly still, holding the 2 bars of soap and hoping the nuns will
think he's a statue.

The nuns approach.  "Oh my, look at that - isn't that the most life-like statue
you've ever seen?" exclaims one.

She steps up for a closer look, then reaches out and gives a couple of tugs on
the priest's dick.  Startled, he drops the 1st bar of soap.

"Oh heaven's" she exclaims "I got a bar of soap".

The second nun, amazed at how realistic the statue looks, steps closer, and
also gives a couple of yanks of the priest's dick.  He promptly drops the other
bar of soap.

"My goodness. I got a bar of soap too!".  The nuns can't believe it.

The third nun, overcome by the miracle statue, walks up to it and gives a
couple of tugs to the priest's dick.

"My God, this is amazing" she says, "I got liquid hand soap!!

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         One from Wellington Ben:

                                   The Cave

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come together
as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster
that says "There is no I in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In
There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad,
we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you
don't want to be stung and neither do I so we need to sweep the cave daily.
I've posted a sign up sheet near the main cave opening.

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to
scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're
taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while
we're taping. Thanks.

Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not
supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene,
especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.

Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on
the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.
Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First
patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar and Jonathan.

Love your work,

Osama

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   The graphic relief this week comes from Steve H, little Di, DavidA,
   Beryl, and Paul Fazey amongst others ...

Kentucky skyrise Click here

Repent now Click here

Texus cow-wash Click here

Not green Click here

I've screwed everyone else Click here

Little honest John Click here

Billboard Click here

Stressed Click here

Let's do the stomp Click here

Nice trip Click here

Oh yeah! Click here

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   This ascii contribution was lifted off the (usually serious) CSIRO-Forum
   list:

"Recently a survey was conducted by the UN worldwide. The question asked
was: "Would you please give your opinion about the food shortage in the rest
of the world?" The survey was a huge failure...

- In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.
- In Western Europe, they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.
- In Eastern Europe they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.
- In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.
- And in the US they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant."

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The quote of the Week:

    "I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick
     and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up
     in this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not! But
     I'm sick and tired of being told that I am!"
                                                          -- John Cleese
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[ End Friday humour ]




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