Friday humour - January 23, 1998

     From Davo at Bluehaze:


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   | Would those who find jokes about bodily functions offensive |/
   | not press 'delete'. Enjoy this doozey from Ayreh Seligmann. |/
   +=============================================================+/



     Five year phase in plan of "EuroEnglish"
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The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room
for improvement and has accepted a five year phase in plan that
would be known as "EuroEnglish".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped
in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards
kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the
"f".This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the third
year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach
the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go
away. By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze
unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar
changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis
fifz year, ve vil hav a realy sensibl riten styl. zer vil be no mor
trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand each
ozer.

             ZE DREAM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!


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  and from the Forum ...


                     Great Marketing Screw-Ups
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1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was
read as "Suffer from diarrhea".

2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an
American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only
to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use
for
the "manure stick".

4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same
packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label.
Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on
the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.

5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a
notorious porno magazine.

6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish
market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el
Papa),
the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi
brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender
chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make
a chicken affectionate".

9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning
"Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on
the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic
equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into "happiness in the mouth".

10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were
supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you".
Instead, the company thought that the word  "embarazar" (to impregnate)
meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and
make you pregnant".
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[ End Fri humour ]



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