Friday humour - January 16, 1998

     From Davo at Bluehaze:

   |Would those who might find jokes about bodily |/
   |functions offensive please press 'delete' now |/

... from Matt Greene ... an oldie but a goodie ...

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for
nearly forty years.  The only friction in their marriage was caused by
the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.
The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her
eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.

Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in
the morning.  He told her that he couldn't help it.  She begged him to
see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't
hear of it.  He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and
then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away
with her hands.

She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't
stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out".

The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband
continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one
Thanksgiving morning.  Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare
the family feast.  She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of
course a turkey.

While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to
the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem.  With a
devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and
quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake.

While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then
gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts.  She then placed all of
the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced
the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family

Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud
butt-trumpeting.  This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom.
The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she
rolled on the floor laughing.  After years of putting up with him she
had finally gotten even.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood
stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes.  She bit her lip
to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I
didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one
of these days and today it finally happened.  But with God's help and
these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."


[ End Fri humour ]

 Previous (January 09, 1998)  Index Next (January 23, 1998)