Friday humour - September 26, 1997

     From Tony at Bluehaze:

  Hi,
This weeks humour is software-related, and was passed on Colin MacRae.

It relates to reports of the infamous GOOD TIMES virus (a well known hoax)
which keep resurfacing with such monotonous regularity and which contain
such outlandish claims that at least one individual (anon) finally decided
to circulate his own version.

CIAC (the Computer Incident Advisory Capability in the U.S.  Department of
Energy) were so impressed with this particular piece that they included it
on their official virus alerts page.  An extract from the web page:
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The following spoof of the good times hoax is too well done not to include
here.  The author of this spoof is unknown, but we will gladly give him
credit if he will only contact us.

READ THIS:

Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive.  Not only that, but it will scramble
any disks that are even close to your computer.  It will recalibrate your
refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty.  It will
demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on
your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try
to play.

It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number.  It will mix Kool-aid
into your fishtank.  It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on
the coffee table when there's company coming over.  It will put a dead kitten
in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you
are late for work.

Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin.  It will give you
nightmares about circus midgets.  It will pour sugar in your gas tank and
shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your back
and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.

It will seduce your grandmother.  It does not matter if she is dead, such is
the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those
things we hold most dear.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it.  It will
kick your dog.  It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail
in your voice! It is insidious and subtle.  It is dangerous and terrifying to
behold.  It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.  It will leave the toilet seat up.
It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub and then leave bacon
cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new
snowblower.

Listen to me.  Goodtimes does not exist.

It cannot do anything to you.  But I can.  I am sending this message to
everyone in the world.  Tell your friends, tell your family.  If anyone else
sends me another E-mail about this fake Goodtimes Virus, I will turn hating
them into a religion.  I will do things to them that would make a horsehead
in your bed look like Easter Sunday brunch.
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  (original at Click here
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[ End Fri humour ]



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