Friday humour - July 04, 1997

     From Tony at Bluehaze:

  Another one passed on by Martha.  I hear it's already "done the rounds" to
some extent, but just in case you haven't seen it ....

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the
other possibility.  As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": --

     In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".  Sertainly, this will
     make the sivil sevants jump with joy.  The hard "c" will be dropped in
     favor of the "k".  This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
     have 1 less letter.

     There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
     troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f".  This will make words
     like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

     In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
     to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
     Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have
     always ben a deterent to akurate speling.  Also, al wil agre that the
     horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and
     they should go away.

     By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
     with "z" and "w" with "v".  During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan
     be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be
     aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

     After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.  Zer vil be
     no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
     ech ozer.

[ End Fri humour ]

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