Friday humour - May 23, 1997

     From Tony at Bluehaze:

   I suspect many of you won't see this until Monday - I'm a bit late with
these today.  Anyway - these were passed on last week by Scott Atkinson, DWR
(Water Resources) in Perth.  And John Stevens passed them over to me a couple
of days ago as well (this particular collection must be doing the rounds :-)

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots
and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings
that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

Problem:  "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem:  "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1:  "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2:  "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem:    "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "It does now."

Problem:  "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem:  "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem:  "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem:  "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem:  "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem:  "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem:  "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem:  "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
[ End Fri humour ]

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