Friday humour - May 09, 1997

     From Tony at Bluehaze:

   Hi,
If you get this on Friday - have a nice weekend.  If Monday, well ... the
following may help start you off in the right frame of mind (Andrew Urban
forwarded them on to me recently):
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

   Some insights from comedian Steven Wright:
   ------------------------------------------

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.  I got a full house
and four people died.

When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard.  I was an only
child. . .eventually.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier.  I put them in the
same room and let them fight it out.

I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

I have a hobby.  I have the world's largest collection of sea shells.  I keep
it scattered on beaches all over the world.  Maybe you've seen some of it.

I Xeroxed a mirror.  Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad.  He said
"I want my daughter back by 8:15."  I said, "the middle of August?  Cool!"

I just got skylights put in my place.  The people who live above me are furious.

I remember when the candle shop burned down.  Everyone stood around singing
"Happy Birthday".

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

I was hitchhiking the other day, and a hearse stopped.  I said, "No thanks
- I'm not going that far."

Ballerinas are always on their toes.  Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[ End Fri humour ]

 Index

Next (May 16, 1997)